Feeling very dejected and hopeless, especially the last few days, don't like it, but nothing can really be done about it

I wish I could make a living just building the neat things I come up with. That would also involve me in being able to actually focus on things long enough to get the over the finish line, which is also a huge struggle, bweh

Ugh, even when the ADHD meds are somewhat working, I still struggle immensely to focus on the things that I need to rather than what catches my interest or my brainworms are currently wiggling about. It's such a problem and it's hurting me, but I have no idea what to do about it or how to fix it...

I really am so pathetic, I'm sorry

Speaking of voice training, I'm still struggling to find a good comprehensive plan and resources for doing it by oneself, Like, there are a lot of decent things out there, but I dunno, maybe i'm just too dumb to glue it all together...

Why is it that it's always like, 1AM when my brain goes "okay, we should try to do some voice training!" Like, please, I have neighbors and it's so late.....

I managed to build perfetto *exactly once* and it's failed to build every single time after that, and I have no idea why and don't have the spoons to dig through the nightmare that is bazel build...

nyawawawawawawawawawawwaawawawawawa

ough, tired,

laying in bed struggling to fall back asleep and just beat myself up over my inability to progress on the things I want to. I really wish I could remove these roadblocks and just be able to *do*. No matter what I try I just can't seem to manage to, even though it's all self imposed.

I'm tired, running on only 3h of sleep, but here I am trying to get OpenFOAM to work for a shitpost.....

I got like, 3h of sleep before Annie woke me up to feed her by walking all over me and then sitting on my face. And now it's too warm to fall back asleep, bweeeeeeeeeh,

I will *NOT* listen to the voices, I will **NOT** write my own PPC plugin for Binary Ninja that does better IL lifting and has proper register decoding for machine registers....

Heeeeeeeeeeeey, asking for a catgirl (that catgirl is me) Does anyone happen to have a huge archive of VxWorks documentation and SDKs and stuff I could get my paws on?

Bweh, getting rate-limited, opening too many PRs too quickly, RIP. I am too much of a zoomie semi-productive catgirl when I finally get my paws on ADHD meds after a bit I guess, lol

🎶 Oh I would document 500 flip-flops, and I would document 500 more 🎶

This file is 7k lines long and it's 99% boilerplate and documentation... This is going to drive me insane, but I guess it's almost done....

Maybe one day I'll be able to get my butt to DEFCON, maybe.

Finally got another partial refill on my ADHD meds. should I take them in the morning tomorrow rather than right now at 1820 at night? Yeah, probbably. Will I? no, no I won't...

sleepy catgirl sounds

I still kinda want a hydrogen maser, I have no use or need for a hydrogen maser,

.oO( Francium based atomic clock ... )

Also, ugh, I think the USB-C port on my phone is finally starting to give up the ghost, it'll flicker in and out and then suddenly the phone will go "connected but not charging" I really can't afford a new phone right now, please, ugh.

I aspire to have big creature energy/vibes,

*rotates u* get gimbal locked, nerd

ough, mornyan, I think

still thinking about this, it doesn't feel quite real and now my brain is turning into an anxious mess worrying about it for no good reason bweh

it has been 0 days since I accidentally almost said "I love you" to someone when messaging them, it's not entirely wrong in this case, just not exactly appropriate, oh well, brain is doing bad things now and I'm tired so I should get to bed I guess

1645 in the evening, ideal time to vivisect a git monorepo :v

bites are a sign of affection, and you can't convince me otherwise