Andrew Blair

@andrewblair

Software developer, poet, and only ever person to not be wrong about Doctor Who. Writer of 'The R-Pattz Facttz 2020' and 'polblar Tmolkop'. I was the first person to see comedy potential in the Vengabus. He/him

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Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 12d

Lot of football associations unironically doing this meme today

The meme template based on dialogue from Community.
Image 1: Britta, a white woman, says “I can excuse racism but I draw the line at animal cruelty.”
Image 2: Shirley, a black woman, says “you can excuse racism?”

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 12d

Remembered the time I looked up "Poets" on YouGov to discover what poets are into. According to YouGov, fans of Poetry:

Text:
Work in Architecture and Interior Design
They like Writing, reading Non-Fiction and Sleeping
They eat Stuffed Aubergines and drive Toyotas
They drive Toyotas to the Co-op
Because they like shopping at the Co-op most of all the shops
While driving Toyotas to the Co-op they like listening to Susan Boyle,
Sandy Denny
Or Pentangle.
That is what they like.

Sports wise, fans of poetry enjoy Mixed Martial Arts.
They enjoy Road Cycling.
They enjoy Athletics - 200 metres.

They bank at Nationwide, according to YouGov.
They read New Scientist, according to YouGov.

Text:
What films do they watch?
Well I’m glad
You asked.

They watch The Man Who Fell to Earth.
They watch The Man Who Knew Infinity.
They watch Blue is the Warmest Colour.

People who like poetry are young, female and politically left leaning.

Their third favourite celebrity is Richard Beckinsale.

Richard Beckinsale was an English actor
Who died in 1979, famous for roles in the sitcoms Rising Damp and Porridge.

Poetry fans prefer Blackadder to these shows though.
Blackadder and The World at War.

They wear Crocs, these fans of poetry,
And they have many traits. They are Arrogant
And Neurotic and Self Absorbed; Opinionated,
Needy, Unemotional, Cold and
Unambitious

But they are also Well Educated.

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 12d

well, turns out I'm alive at a time when someone can tell me they were exploring contemporary poetry on goodreads.

Screengrab of email. Text reads:
Hello Andrew,

I was exploring contemporary poetry on Goodreads when I came across The R-Pattz Facttz 2020, and I couldn't help but stop and read more.

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 14d

A poem from a Wetherspoons magazine called 'Our Spoons' that starts with:
'In the heart of every town, the doors swing wide,
Where history lines the walls with local pride'
And continues in this vein or tortured rhyming and pisspoor scanscion for the rest of the poem. Highlights include 'On Monday, the ale is priced to please' and 'Curries - spices for the flesh'

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 18d

Sitting in a garage again, wondering how the person who designed all these hubcaps felt when they made their breakthrough

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 20d

Reading is sexy

A sign by a road reading 'WELCOME TO READING'

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 20d

Book Quote Wednesday's word is 'Decide/Decision' so here's the opening of a poem about Robert Pattinson's Career Advisory Test Results #bookqw

Text:
Robert Pattinson’s Career Advisory Test Results,
Presented Verbatim

Dear Robert,
Having discussed with you - at length - your hopes and dreams
Having assessed your aptitudes and failings, your strengths and
dominions,
We have decided:
You, Robert Pattinson, you
Will be someone who designs security shutters for small
independent high street retailers.

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 23d

Same mate, same

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 26d

Motivational toilet mirror

An unimpressed middle aged man - bearded, white t shirt, pink lacklustre skin - stands in front of a bathroom mirror which has “you are the sun” written on it to cheer you up while you’re cleaning shite out of your anus

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· 27d

Marge Simpson saying “I think being fourth best in the world is pretty good”

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 12

Cave formation off the Fife Coastal Path or Crusty Omega?

A cave formation off the Fife Coastal Path

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 12

Southgate and Tuchel

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 11

Anti-Matterface

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 8

Getting low-key obsessed with Lola Young’s delivery of “I’m so sorry mate”

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 5

H/T @josherick3.bsky.social

Text of poem

Colin McGuire
Boy Assassin
i.m. Anteo Zamboni, 1911-1926
You shot at Mussolini as flowers fell across the open car, as he was turning the corner of via indipendenza. Schoolboy Anarchist. Your bullet struck the Order of the Saints medal, pierced il Duce's jacket, passed through the top hat of the Mayor and embedded itself into the upholstery of the door. Why couldn't you catch him in the throat, head, or heart?
The crowd lynched you, right there and then, left you, swollen by the side of the road. If the war is over or if the war is about to begin no one is sure, but they keep coming round the corners, Anteo, they just keep coming.

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 3

The Edinburgh Fringe programme has reached “o lawd he comin” leaves of thickness

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 2

Possible solution: minion themed wedding

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 2

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 1

It’s happened again

Should Harry Kane have been awarded a first half penalty?

Yes-48%
No(the correct answer) - 52%

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jul 1

The secret to comedy is timing

A Screengrab of the BBC feed for the England v DR Congo game.

1705 - it might just be optimism deceiving the mind but it just looks brighter from England

1707- England 0 - DR Congo 1

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 30

Yes, I do have a pleasing Scottish lilt

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 26

New reaction image just dropped

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 26

Peter Capaldi as the Doctor in the Doctor Who episode “Kill the Moon”, with a very well drawn speech bubble coming from his mouth to the bottom of the picture, as if he is saying the quoted post

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 25

Farewell McCoy mug, I drank a lot of brooding tea out of you

A mug, decorated with pictures of Daleks and Sylvester McCoy as the Doctor. With a very broken handle.

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 24

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 21

Found some relics of Llangollen

Two Doctor Who novels: Blood Heat and Parasite (both by Jim Mortimore). Not ideal reading material for a ten year old

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 18

Jackie McNamara is now playing keyboards for Chvrches

Jackie McNamara, failed football
Manager, wearing a grey baseball cap and denim shirt

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 18

Got an idea for my next poetry pamphlet

Screengrab of email inbox containing AI generated spam. text reads:
THIS KEPT ME UP LAST NIGHT (had to reach out) - Hi Andrew I hope you're having a wonderful day. I just spent time with TRUMP: THE END OF NATO...

Andrew Blair@andrewblair· Jun 17