Life is short, and so am I. Make the most of your life while you still have time. arianesherine.substack.com/p/do-the-thi...

Free to read: My husband loves flying. “Don’t you ever feel scared?” I asked him curiously. “No!” he said, looking at me as though I were ridiculous, in the baffled manner that you might answer the question, “Don’t you think the Earth is flat?” open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...

Today we advanced to Mayfair in the 0-100 of Dating and enjoyed Sunday roasts at 1 Hotel Mayfair! Thankfully we spent considerably less on the meal than we would have buying the property on the Monopoly board.

I am spending my Sunday being made fun of by my teenage daughter

Free to read: When I bought Fanny the mannequin, I had a Bulgarian lodger called Iveta. I made a joke of introducing them: “Iveta, Fanny!” This, if said correctly, sounded like “I’ve ate her fanny.” Nobody laughed. arianesherine.substack.com/p/why-i-let-...

The moon is currently waxing. Which is apt, as at the weekend, I mooned at my husband, and he waxed my arse. He is a very forgiving man. But then I think most men are just happy to have access to a naked lady, whether she’s hairy or not. arianesherine.substack.com/p/my-husband...

Today's Substack is about irrational fears: "Once a plane has taken off, it’s not as though I can influence what happens. Storming the cockpit is usually a bad move, especially for an Asian, and I don’t know how to fly anyway — doesn’t it hurt your arms?" arianesherine.substack.com/p/what-if-my...

No married 40-something woman with kids has achieved pop stardom. Which may be for the best. I mean this in terms of my mental health, not “Hurray, women can’t achieve recognition in the music industry after 40, yay for feminism!”https://arianesherine.substack.com/p/i-dont-think-i-have-what-it-takes

Relationships aren’t always easy. Hell, even Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton split up, and they had loads of money and lived in adjoining houses, so Helena didn’t have to pick Tim’s straggly pubes off the loo seat. arianesherine.substack.com/p/my-husband...

We finished the A-Z of Dating last weekend and have now started on numbers. We’ve got a way to go until 69 (thanks, witty commenters!) as this evening we did 0 at an Italian restaurant in Custom House called Zero Sette, right near where we first kissed back in 2024. For this date, Zero was our hero.

We did the A-Z of Dating, now we're doing numbers 0-100! Tonight is zero.

Hope today isn’t the last time my husband can wear this t-shirt!

I reckon eating delicious pancakes regularly is worth living a slightly shorter life for. If it means the difference between living to 91 and 92, it’s not like I’ll be missing out on the best bit. ‘Ooh, I've shit me pants again! Adam, clean me up!’ arianesherine.substack.com/p/are-we-not...

‘Better, replete with summery grooves, deserves a bigger audience.’ A glorious review of Ariane X’s Better in the August issue of Classic Pop magazine, out today in all good newsagents and probably some dubious ones too (the kind that sell melted chocolate in a heatwave). arianexmusic.bandcamp.com

Nobody likes a loser, except for in Britain. Here, we’re expected to act humble and apologise when someone treads on our toe. In America, they think this approach to life is mad. So here’s a list of my most astounding achievements, from 16 to 46. arianesherine.substack.com/p/i-need-to-...

Free to read: I emailed Penny Mordaunt and she wrote back! "I grew weary of my older male friend crushing on Ms Mordaunt, and thought: let’s do something about this. For I am a motivated lady who loves matchmaking, like a less ginger and evil Cilla Black." arianesherine.substack.com/p/in-which-p...

Mostly free to read: Fun fact: it costs more to take away food at McDonald’s than it does to eat in. So always tell them you’re eating in: ‘I would like to consume your ultra-processed shit in your aesthetically-challenged craphole please!’ arianesherine.substack.com/p/i-had-a-gr...

We finally reached Z in the A-Z of Dating and had dinner at Zuma! Today is the first anniversary of Adam’s marriage proposal and we also celebrated two months exactly of marriage. Not sure where to go after the A-Z - special characters? #*^@&?!

Call me a freebie whore ('you're a freebie whore, Ari!') but psst: you can get free cake on your birthday if you download the Caffè Nero and Costa apps, as well as a free Krispy Kreme doughnut. Not sure if you can dishonestly sign up today, set your birthday as 5th July and get diabetes tomorrow.

Thanks for all your very kind birthday wishes. I had a lovely birthday in the sunshine with my new husband - we ate dim sum at Yauatcha for our Y date in the A-Z of Dating, had frappes with Lily, cocktails at The Londoner, and Adam gave me a great present of an A2 poster of my new album cover art.

Christ, I am tiny aren’t I?! I never quite reached full adult height, which may explain why I’m so immature. If I ever make it in the music world, they’ll call me a ‘pint-sized popstrel’!

Free to read: It’s my birthday and the relaunch of my debut solo pop album Better. Writing is my bread and butter, but music is my… jam? I had to pay my teenager £100 to star on the album cover, because she was embarrassed about dressing as an angel! arianesherine.substack.com/p/its-my-bir...

I used to write really fucking funny shit for the Guardian, and I sort of let that slip. So subscribe, as this blog will be funnier from now on! Unlike this laughless sludge of a post. But it's the early morning. OK, the early-mid-morning. Excuses, excuses! arianesherine.substack.com/p/why-this-b...

Want to know something silly? I don't just have a website. I have THREE websites! And yet I've never told you about any of them. But my debut album Better is reissued this Friday, so I'd 'better' start. Here is my music website, where you can read all about my sonic masterpiece. arianexmusic.com

What would Dolly do? Probably write a load of hit songs and spend the proceeds on making people's lives better. I've, er, written a load of songs, so at least Step 1 is ticked off!

It’s the two-year anniversary of my husband first contacting me - on Elon’s hellish bird site, no less! We probably wouldn’t be married without it.

I love that my husband has gone and plonked a picture of his hairy arm in the middle of my latest article, after the words 'so I've been trying it', with zero explanation that it's his arm and not mine. Readers are gonna think I'm some kind of werewolf!

I've never thought I looked like my wonderful Nana, who would have turned 101 today. So this has pleased me greatly.

It would feel quite un-prime ministerial to me to have a PM called Andy. I suppose we had Tony and Liz, but Andy feels even more casual. Still, better than Nigel - though it's the equivalent of him calling himself Nige.

Free to read: Women get saggy tits and arse as we age and gravity takes hold. Men just get longer-looking willies. How is that fair?! arianesherine.substack.com/p/i-have-a-s...