“They’re just a fun, stylish accessory to wear to the park” he said in defence of the glasses. chaser.com.au/general-news...

"Census took an interest in me, instead of just rambling about their bets." chaser.com.au/general-news...

"The ABC ombudsman is too focused on the public interest instead of the billionaire interest," said Hugh Marks chaser.com.au/general-news...

“Those who choose to not sit inside will be subject to an additional leg room fee.” chaser.com.au/business/jet...

“We must protect political debate by stopping any protesters and media who present things that make us look bad.” chaser.com.au/national/pol...

Reports suggest the area has seen a sudden spike in knifing related incidents. chaser.com.au/general-news...

“The Matrix is out to get me and force me to cover up my ankles" claimed Andrew Tate. chaser.com.au/general-news...

“I am happy to stand here Jacinta and wait until you do the right thing," said the union. chaser.com.au/general-news...

"There's always that one thing you forget when you go shopping," said Rinehart. chaser.com.au/national/gin...

"He is clearly dangerous and needs to either be deported or put down humanely." chaser.com.au/general-news...

We continue the decades long loop of having the media and politicians acknowledge the widespread issue before falling short of fucking doing anything about it. chaser.com.au/general-news...

The NRL denied the call had any influence on their decision to launch a review, before awarding Trump the Wally Lewis Medal. chaser.com.au/sport/trump-...

We're seeing a head-to-head race heating up between the joke candidate and Count Binface. chaser.com.au/world/aussie...

"When I present the trophy, it should be at the happiest place on earth" said President Trump chaser.com.au/sport/fifa-m...

“When Belgium becomes the 51st state, it gets us back in the World Cup,” said Trump chaser.com.au/general-news...

"Any other weekend would already be ruined by being up before 6am on Saturday, but the World Cup is different." chaser.com.au/general-news...

"The moment you put the controller down, your licence to use it will be revoked and you will need to purchase a new one" said Sony chaser.com.au/entertainmen...

"It would have been nice if they at least saw the posts I share and held me for questioning." chaser.com.au/general-news...

Goals are over-rated anyway

“That's exactly what I love to see in politics" said the slightly confused President. chaser.com.au/general-news...

"When you combine how annoying these tours are with how insufferable Karl is, it will be unbearable." chaser.com.au/general-news...

“It was such an interesting discussion which I hope shows a different side to him. At the end of the day, we’re all just people," said Karl chaser.com.au/entertainmen...

"We don't even know if the next PM will last long enough for anyone to learn their name, so why would you put yourself through that effort anyway?" chaser.com.au/world/britai...

"Trust me, it's the best way to take on the yanks." chaser.com.au/sport/pm-urg...

“Some may see it as harmless at first, but the toxicity spreads much like the black mould that landlords ignore.” chaser.com.au/general-news...

Today, Pauline Hanson complained about people who have difficulty speaking English. Luckily, her speech provided the perfect example for anyone wanting to learn the language.

It comes as self-declared ‘Peace President’ announced a deal to end the war he started in Iran, ‘but for real this time’. chaser.com.au/world/trump-...

"Australia used to be a world leader in bigotry, I am confident we can be one again!" chaser.com.au/national/one...

The Pope has once again ramped up his war against the soulless, inhumane, unable-to-feel-joy AI founders and their slop machines. chaser.com.au/general-news...