Hi sir err

@cheisserer

Void-screamer. Looking for an agent and looking for the right fit. Survivor. Diabetic. Lover of food n spice. Adjunct in English. BA UIS; MA JSU. He/Him cheisserer.webflow.io contains my current writing projects!

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Hi sir err@cheisserer· 25d

I have arrived. *Takes a bow.*

Japanese Alt Art Magic: the Gathering FOIL Silver Scroll Vampiric Tutor.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jun 21

Two keeks, patterns, and colors of the family room. An excellent, rainy day.

A top-down photograph of a mustard-colored couch cushion and blue plant printed pillows atop; a tortie cat trying to be a pillow in a field of yellow, all acurled; a neutral-stained coffee table edge in the lower right of the pic; broad, similar-colored blue-and-flower print of a carpet; a tabby cat splayed across the carpet, asleep, with a little fluff fig toy just beyond his reach.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jun 14

Didn’t expect this chase card from the recent Secret Lair. I’ll take it!

The image of a Magic: the Gathering card with the title “Crucible of Worlds.” This is a 3 colorless mana artifact that allows the user to play land cards from the graveyard. Flavor text at the bottom says, “Strike the earth!”

The image for the card is full-art text-adventure style similar to the Mines of Moria from the 1980s. This video game used letters and symbols to indicate objects, halls, rooms, and enemies, and while it looks incredibly analog for today’s standards, this submitter played it extensively while a young boy. It holds a strong nostalgic value for him, and this is why he purchased the cards in the first place. Since this is a “Chase” card, it means this card was added as a surprise card that the purchaser did not know would be arriving in the lineup.

Crucible of Worlds is a card I use extensively in my decks, and a card that costs (roughly) 50.00 to buy. An excellent windfall for my decks!

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jun 5

Some more. You aren't alone!

A screenshot of a post by Hi sir err with two comments that do not show up.

A screenshot of a post by Hi sir err with a comment that clearly does not show up at the bottom of the post.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jun 5

A screenshot of one of Hi sir err's posts, stating: "AI is, truly, world changing in its magnificence. (/s) It has 1 like and 1 comment, but the comment is not showing up.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jun 2

Some photo evidence I have a bit of a creative eye sometimes.

Grainy visual of rust and heat-shifted steel. It is not clear in the image, but the photograph is of a grill chimney used to heat coals before dropping on the grill. The bottom of the image has heat-induced spiderwebbed cracks, with a general rust coloration, and rusted swirls around where the heat shifted the coloration. Near the top is a natural-looking plateau of dark brown colors speckled with starry white dots. This could easily be an abstract painting.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· May 27

This is a cat checkpoint! Drop your most recent cat pic in a quote post! Keep it going! #cats #catsofbluesky

Pic of a tailless tabby curled up in the shape of a lowercase “y,” on a fluffy white blanket, sleeping.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· May 18

Saw this at work at the end of semester, as a lil treat for the students, IN THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT. So I had to take it.

A terrible, “stitched” sticker with the AI text of “Creat you’r future.” It is missing letters and the apostrophe is in the wrong place.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· May 17

This card saved my butt against a monoblack combo deck. It was glorious. And I cast it turn 1.

A Magic: The Gathering card with art that makes it looks like the front cover of a science fiction magazine. A woman in a space suit seems to be floating into screen, a look of terror on her face as she looks behind. Behind her, a massive spaceship is blowing up. The scene is full of lasers and smoke and other ships shooting. The Magic card is called "Deafening Silence." It is an enchantment that costs 1 White mana, and the text says, "Each player can't cast more than one Noncreature spell each turn."

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Apr 28

The Advanced AI is here to make our lives easier.

A closeup of an email with the text, "...opportunities this semester to talk to me/earn extra credit that would get you where you'd..." and a double blue line beneath "earn," with the note saying "you may have forgotten a preposition." The preposition is "about." This sentence, if corrected, would read, "...to talk to me/earn about extra credit that would get you..."

Thank you, AI. You've fixed English!

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Apr 28

The Advanced AI is here to make our lives easier.

A closeup of an email with the line, "Yes, your leaving 45 minutes to an hour early for some of..." and a double blue line beneath "your," indicating it is grammatically incorrect. The note states, "you're," and "double-check whether a possessive is needed here."

Thank you, AI. You're editing like a five year old.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Apr 4

I poemed. The Buckle (Poem)

I'm 42. I'm looking for cargo shorts. Gimme those
Canvas jawns with thread sewn so tight they're stiff as a board
Slide into those things like I'm sliding into an Army Surplus
Store full of Korean War surplus. Permanent marker names
In the seams--gimme those huge-ass pockets so I can fill 'em
With my stuff. A purse's size for a faraday wallet, Rite-in-the-
Rain pad and self-defense machined titanium pen. Battery charger
For my waterproof iPhone headphones to shut 'em all up. Doesn't work
And all that cash I don't have because we all know: America's
First gold is green. The hardest hue to keep. Need pockets for my credit cards
Cuz I'm creditmaxxing and nothing gold can stay. Gimme those armored
Cargoes from the 90s bagging sagging. I'm talking knees up untouch with
Vibram-lined pockets and carbon fiber belt loops gimme that
Paracord YKK fly-zipper pulls so I can adjust in gloves without
Discomfort gimme those drawstring leg-holes in case it rains or I'm
Wading in pools of snakes--they can't touch this. Two sizes too big but
Cinched with a kevlar belt gimme that ammo. Lead-free so the crops
Don't get us sick when I pump rounds downrange. Gimme that
Feeling, anything at all, that feeling of immortality I felt as a child
Standing beside my dad in the mall where we could be anything
And he already knew.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Mar 23

Farm stuff. Rural horror.

An image of a relatively new shovel with the whole handle covered in mud dauber wasp mud nest. Four perfectly circular holes open out of the bulge of mud.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Mar 22

Farm stuff.

An ancient jar of Peter Pan Smooth Peanut Butter with rustmarks, jammed in a random drawer in an unsettling basement.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Mar 22

Farm stuff.

A tabletop display of broken Native American spearheads, arrows, and adzes. They were found in the fields behind the poster’s farmhouse.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Feb 23

First para of Michael and the Magician.

Behind a catalpa tree overlooking a private golf course, a young woman aimed down the sight of a homemade rifle. She couldn’t be more than fourteen years old, and she died three years previous. This iteration was the product of a compilation of images built across multiple social media platforms into a 3-dimensional model: she was well loved while alive. The resulting image was of long brown hair that looked tangled and dirty. Matte mud streaked across her cheek. Clothes looked fit for an eighth grader. Her mouth firm. Her gaze steady.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jan 29

This comic comes to mind. Always.

Matt Bors comic of a peasant with a bundle of sticks on bis back saying: “We should improve society somewhat.”

And a Modern Chad is popping out of a water well, saying: “Yet you participate in society. Curious!” And adds: “I am very intelligent.”

A feudal castle is in the background, somewhat reminiscent of Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jan 6

And one more It was I, Love, that sent eyes into the world

It was I, Love, that sent eyes into the world, Love that
Knocked holes in the skull and shoved
The tongue out. In there, something

for which no experience exists. Oh, polish it! Burnish!
And yes, something like fingers are rubbing,
Massaging. Keep at it! Running

Makes it visible. A form. Antlers grown from the skull, cold
prong of sharpness, spicule, barb. An idea.
oh, idea sealed off like a tomb!

As if a kiss with long velvet gloves were stalking, sneaking up on the darkness starting to thaw,
to wake up like a gong. The darkness

gaining consciousness. Oh, give it to me! The full glare
of that looking! Shall I call it Psyche,
that looking? Shall I call it

Soul, those eyes—newcut, sharp and ferocious

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jan 6

From my favorite poem ever: “Erotikon” by Susan Mitchell Giddyap says the ocean, sometimes

1. Some things are still going on, even though it’s late, it’s dark. Gravity, for example, the pill the earth exerts on the moon and the moon on the ocean. Listening to the tides sweep through the darkness (higher over there, a little lower here), I come to a moment when the ocean lets out a sigh like a train pulling into a station. Its doors slide open, but no one climbs aboard the astral glare of ante meridian.

Giddyap, says the ocean, sometimes

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Jan 3

(Surprising no one) Samsung SmartTVs (and any device/app affiliated) are police surveillance systems.

Part of an updated Privacy Policy for Samsung’s “SmartThings” app, with a highlighted portion stating that Samsung will share all data collected with government if needed (paraphrasing), including for “purposes of law enforcement, national security, anti-terrorism, or other issues that are related to public security.”

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Dec 27

A great friend and colleague has his first collection of short stories being published soon! Check them out if you like.

Image of a bookstore hosting a preorder for a book called The Iridescents. The bookstore’s online order form is at lavenderbookshop.com. Check it out if you want some great short stories from an excellent author!

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Dec 23

Buc-ee’s Dark Ritual

A statue of the bronze Buc-ees beaver with 5 traffic cones strategically placed at the 5 points of a pentagram star etched in the concrete in front of a Buc-ees gas station.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Dec 13

Agenbite (Poem)

Today we are nothing. Every city has a sound-
Memory, every peace a noise.
New York, piano. Chicago trumpets.
Choir to the Lou. Decatur, my hometown,
An entire woodwind section. The rustle of
Corn sheaves. Today we are-

Drums.

I once saw a gun in every mouth. Nothing
Moves faster than untruth verified. (Shortest
Distance between two points, sixteen-year-
Old me said--not a line. But a lie. Remove the N.
Shorter still.) Nobody claps. All I see are-

Drums.

The again-biting, like a gnaw-noise, wisp-
Of-Stagnation, what echoes heartwise. Otranto
Found a helmet. Nell found her rabbits. Navidson
In his childhood. All had doors. None hyperborean.

Upon my back I carry the house of childhood,
Hear the primordial primrose purrs of a siamese
Stretch in infancy all the way here, like a tree of lightning
Parallel ground. Boom goes the cat-feet. Boom
Goes the storm. Boom in the silence-born. Boom
In the hallways. Boom between the gaps.
Boom where the God should be.

The inwit breathing--biting--again--

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Dec 6

I've been a little busy on Minecraft. I wondered how big I could make the map. So far, a lot.

A wall map if 15x15 Minecraft maps. Each individual map space takes roughly an hour and a half to fill in completely. It looks huge. It could also be used as a big map for a novel one might be writing. Unsure if that's connected to what this screenshot shows.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Nov 30

Antigua #worstpanoramaever

A panorama of cabbage proportions. A beautiful blue sea with a single cloud that streeeeeeeeeetches out. The land obliges, stretching to infinite. Until it ends. An awkward pic, for sure.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Nov 30

Antigua The museum was BRUTAL.

Pic of a sidewalk with white busses on the right side and palm trees on the left. A vibrant woodcut of “Rastapasta hangs to the right of the walkway, with “One Love” beneath a three color chunk of driftwood: Red, Yellow, Green. The walkway is deserted all the way to a building inc the distance. Puffy cumulous clouds set against a blue sky between the buildings.

Panorama view of Antigua from a ship: railings, infinity pool, and loungers frame the extreme sides, while a picturesque concrete dock and smudges of houses fill the lower half. Bright blue sky with cumulous clouds fill the top half. A green, green sea separates the dock and the shoreline.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Nov 29

Missing this one in particular.

A tortie cat staring happily at the camera, sitting on a bustling and busy desk. The backdrop is a whole lot of office stuff, and a wall of ochre orange color.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Nov 27

A few pics.

An old flyer for the Botello Gallery in Italian, highlighting Botello’s iconic work. A gold-gilt wood frame has it hanging in the kitchen.

A shot of a closed-off balcony with a bronze-cast statue holding an umbrella to one side and hand out, looking for rain. The vibe is playful and childlike. A gold tile counter is on the bottom of the pic, with a wall of lush greenery to the left, a fountain beneath. Lots of clay tiles and a red clay bench to sit on.

Pic of an immaculate kitchen with French tiles and French inlay plates. The top of the grill contains Christian figurines carved of wood and a wooden cross. Bright colors, mixed with blue patterns.

A woodcut by Botello of the virgin Mary and Jesus son, with a field of crosses behind. Mary holds what looks like an apple, and Jesus, in her hand, holds one as well.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Oct 30

Share a photo you took that you feel is Pinterest worthy! #UndergroundSea

A photo of a bluegreen aquamarine underground freshwater sea. The water is thick with dissolved limestone and full of blurry Blind salmon excited to be fed by the boat swain. A single distant light illuminates the broad cave ceiling and the water to create an eerie glow. It looks enchanting and surreal.

Hi sir err@cheisserer· Sep 30

Illinois friends! Listeria outbreak. Surely unrelated to the enshittification, the reporting seems… easily distracted by other news. One might even say artificially intelligenced. But who knows anymore?