danielle weisberg

@danielleweisberg

I’m a writer but I have good qualities too (CONAN, The Simpsons, Krapopolis, McSweeney’s, American Greetings) she/her

511 Siguiendo4816 Seguidores3108 Publicaciones

Bluesky

¿Es tu perfil?Reclámalo y danielleweisberg.dirty.social es tuyo.Reclamar perfil

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jul 11

If you think I’m not going to think “Dr. Martin Pepper” every single time I have a Dr Pepper from now on……….

a screenshot of my tv with blue backlight. On screen is a white guy in a light blue shirt and the caption is “Dr. Martin Pepper - geologist”

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jul 7

I made some shareables of my monologue for One Night Late 😘😘😘

Danielle on stage saying this joke:

This past week, NBC News reported that President Trump has become bizarrely obsessed with the number 22.
Upon hearing this, I was both shocked and relieved that the number is over 18.

Danielle onstage saying this joke:

In science news, a study found that pigeons decide where to go based on signals from their liver.
I'm sorry, did I say pigeons? I meant
Scottish World Cup fans.

Danielle onstage saying this joke:

Scientists are saying the stress levels of the San Andreas Fault are the highest they've been in a thousand years.
The San Andreas and I have that in common.

Danielle saying this joke:

It's hard turning 35 and feeling like I don't have it all figured out.
But then I realized America is turning 250 and she hasn't figured out ANYTHING. And she's racist!

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jul 6

new post up on Something From Nothing! Link in bio. Subscribe to read it all and happy pride xoxo

This week's Overthink: "I am furious, but I am sailing [...]" - Patti Lupone

Iconic performer Patti Lupone shared with us this week that while traveling on a cruise ship as a performer, the ship was denied entry to Turkey because of the ship's clientele: gay men. Turkish authorities said the ship's passengers are "known for behaviors incompatible with the fabric of our society and our moral values." Rich Campbell, president and CEO of Atlantis Events, said this was the first time in 36 years that the company has been "actively told we may not berth here because of who we are." This comes mere days after the end of Pride Month, which has become a global event for LGBTQ+ people in countries accepting of queer culture, and most bravely in countries where being gay can be punishable by death.

In college I was aggressively straight but conveniently busy. I didn't have
"time" to date with my packed schedule of rigorous classes and multiple part-time jobs. I was relieved when a date I was set up with for a sorority formal got so drunk he fell asleep on the bus ride to the venue, because it meant I didn't have to deal with him and could just dance with my friends. When I had time to go on dates, I felt lucky when nothing panned out. Post-grad, it was more of the same. I started an internship then my first full-time job, and was happily exhausted and immersed in work.
Again, I "tried" dating apps, but with a half-assed energy I would never give anything I actually cared about.

"Queer' not as being about who you're having sex with (that can be a dimension of it); but 'queer' as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and that has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live."
— bell hooks

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jun 28

is my little late night show the only one in LA this week??? woweeee you should come to it

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jun 28

there are still some tickets left for my show in person and if you’re not around, there are live stream tickets avail!! You can watch the live stream for up to 7 days after the show at your leisure. Wow. Great deal. ucbcomedy.com/show/one-nig...

Poster for my show ONE NIGHT LATE
WITH DANIELLE WEISBERG

WITH GUESTS
ELENA CREVELLO & CHELSEA DAVISON
VINCENT MARTELLA
AMY SILVERBERG

TUESDAY, JUNE 30TH
7:00PM
UCB FRANKLIN

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jun 24

Pope said to buy tickets to my show ucbcomedy.com/show/one-nig...

Pope Leo XIV via Twitter

Dear writers, we need your imagination, your narrative creativity and your lively thinking. We need these to create spaces of freedom and authenticity, within which divine grace can make the promise of consolation and peace resound.

5:00 AM • Jun 24, 2026

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jun 23

get your ticketsssss in person or live stream! ucbcomedy.com/show/one-nig...

ONE NIGHT LATE
WITH DANIELLE WEISBERG

WITH GUESTS
ELENA CREVELLO & CHELSEA DAVISON
VINCENT MARTELLA

TUESDAY, JUNE 30TH 7:00PM
UCB FRANKLIN

"IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL HOST A LATE NIGHT SHOW IF I WANT TO!”

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jun 12

new newsletter is up on hand-me-downs and thrifting! Link in bio

The book cover of You’ll Soon Grow Into Them, Titch by Pat Hutchins

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jun 5

new post hitting inboxes tomorrow at noon about how I wish RSVPs with a clear yes or no would make a comeback. If you’re not already a beehiiv subscriber the link is in my bio!

If You're Seeing This, You're Invited! Or Whatever
an ode to confident decision making
by Danielle Weisberg

This issue's Overthink: invitations
Feel free to come! You can totally come if you want! If you're seeing this, you're invited!
What happened to invitations and RSVPs? What happened to a sure thing?
The past few years invitations to events have gotten so casual that l'm never even sure if I'm actually wanted. Could this be a self esteem thing? Yes. Obviously. I'm writing it down to bring up in therapy this week. But it's also not all on me and my brain. Invitations have gotten loose and nondescript for what l'm guessing are a few reasons: Hosts are afraid of being rejected with a no, the Maybe Epidemic, and claims that "it'll be chill."

my recently found 10th birthday invite:

Come celebrate
Danielle's 10th birthday!
For fun in the sun that can't be beat
Come to
At 2:45 on June 29
Together we'll have a really great time!
Bring your swimsuit, towel, sunscreen and change of clothes. Well walk to the W.H. Recreation Genter pool and swim till 5:00 and then walk back for pizza, cake and ice cream. Pick up at 6:30.
Hope you can come! R.S.V.P. by b/15 to Amy/Gary

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· May 13

this does however mark the first time I’ve seen a Deadline article about two people I served at my restaurant job in high school

DEADLINE

Netflix Orders 'Calabasas' YA Drama
From Chris Van Dusen; Kim
Kardashian & Emma Roberts Among
EPS
By Nellie Andreeva

Chris Van Dusen, Kim Kardashian and Emma Roberts Matt Sayles/Courtesy/Michael Buckner/

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· May 13

an elite private school? You mean Viewpoint? Ok

DEADLINE

In Calabasas, at an elite private school in the country's most exclusive town, the headmaster's ambitious daughter is destined to have it all - until she's swept into a forbidden romance with the one boy determined to burn down her glittering world instead of play by its rules. In Calabasas, where desires are never as clean as appearances suggest, falling in love might be the most dangerous rebellion of all.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· May 12

newsletter number two is out today

This week's Overthink: desire paths

A few years ago I learned the term "desire path," which is a path created instead of or in the absence of one designated. You can read more about them here or see examples of them here. If you don't want to do the semi-assigned reading, imagine a house on a street corner. The house has a front lawn with no gate, and there is a bus stop in front of the house. Over the years, people have cut through the front yard to avoid walking those extra few feet rounding the sidewalk's corner, and with repeated crossings, there is now a dirt trail where grass does not grow starting from the sidewalk on one side of the house, through the yard, and ending at the bus stop. With repeated action, people have created a desire path.

Image of a desire path — a small dirt trail cutting across the curve of an established path

So what do I want? Well for the past decade and change I've wanted to be a TV writer and humor writer and I have done that with some degree of success, but not with the consistency I crave nor a means to depend on it financially. I am not the only one in this situation, because as you may know, Hollywood (the idea not the actual town) is in flux. As a result, Los Angeles (the idea and the actual town) is struggling, or in internet speak, she's in her flop era. As the entertainment industry collapses in on itself then expands rapidly into new dumb territories (Al everything, vertical dramas, filmed "podcasts" that are just a way to get a comedian to host a talk show without union protections), then rinses and repeats, I am lost a bit more each day. There is no longer a clear designated career path for me, and l've created a desire path to my own detriment in its absence, carving out a shortcut-turned meandering trail that leads nowhere.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· May 7

uh huh

my viral tweet saying this same thing 4 years ago but I left Twitter so now anyone can just reformat my old things and pretend they thought of them: “danielle weisberg Nov 7, 2022
•••
I love the difference between dog and cat rescue stories. dog owners will be like oh I prepped for months and applied and had a home check then did a foster to adopt trial period and then the rescue chose me! and cat owners are like .. I found him in the trash”

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Apr 28

My first newsletter is out! I hope you like it but if you don’t please never tell me omg. If you want to read/subscribe/or be a paid subscriber ($3 or $1 per month!) you can do so right here: somethingfromnothing.beehiiv.com/subscribe

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Apr 16

I did it btw

Danielle on a trail in Sequoia wearing the sweater she knitted! The body is a cornflower blue, the neck and arms are sky blue, and the cuffs are ivory.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Apr 13

I like this guy and his love of PETULIA

weird AI guy with a white beard and a hat reading PETULIA because AI is bad at words

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Apr 9

I know it’s giving this but I do mean it

Michael Scott saying: “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.” while Dwight looks at him like aw honey

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Mar 16

which one of you writers paid for this. No one else would use an em dash in the sky

sky writing over hollywood reading “hollywood — come home”

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Mar 6

And I just realized today is the anniversary of my table read. How fun is that! This was three days before every show moved to zoom and we all became locked away

Danielle smiling and holding her script at her Simpsons table read. It has a pink script cover because the PAs let her choose her color of paper.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Feb 18

I already love Bones 2: More Bones

A screenshot from Deadline highlighting this: It centers on Professor Georgia Ryan (Deschanel), a trailblazing psychologist who challenges the field of criminology by shifting the investigative focus to the victim rather than just the perpetrator in order to uncover the crucial clues that more traditional methods leave behind. Alongside her team, this pioneering expert consults with the FBI to solve the most baffling and elusive cases.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Feb 13

this Czech sibling pair is really giving Blades of Glory vibes

Katerina Mrazkova and Daniel Mrazek of Czech Republic compete in Ice Dance Free Dance during World Figure Skating Championships 2024 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada on March 23, 2024. (Photo by Mert Alper Dervis/Anadolu via Getty Images) — the pose is seductive to say the least. He is on top of her and caressing her face

Katerina Mrazkova and Daniel Mrazek of Czech Republic compete in the Ice Dance Free Dance program of the ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating Skate America at Herb Brooks Arena on November 16, 2025 in Lake Placid, New York. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images) — he is in a second position deep plié with her in a position of almost sitting on his lap facing him and arching her back. This choreo was what I just watched on the Olympic replay and it was not sibling appropriate guys!!!!

a screen grab from Blades of Glory featuring Amy Poehler and Will Arnett as sibling skaters who are horny for each other

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Feb 10

And if I say I shivered when I stepped outside? Then what

Screenshot of the weather app for today reading 60° but feels like 54°. I am from LA and my skin is thin

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Feb 5

The 90s were so insane. why did I have to be a child

Berlanti began his career in television as a staff writer on the WB's Dawson's Creek, which starred Jackson in his first lead role, and became an executive producer and showrunner of the series after only one year on staff.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Feb 1

it’s that time once again! I am looking for work. I would love that work to be full time! I would love even more for it to be staff writing work on a television show!!

a digital flyer advertising me! The background is lavender and each text bubble is a different shape and vibrant color. This may be distracting but I was going for eye-catching. Here is what the flyer says :

Danielle Weisberg is looking for writing work!
dweisberg123@gmail.com
- over
a decade of experience in comedy writers' rooms
- writer of a WGA award-nominated episode of The Simpsons
- loves homework, loves deadlines
- nerd
- writer of two episodes of Krapopolis
- years of on-set experience
- been through dad dying: little things don't faze her and she can go dark

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Jan 4

the “borat tonight?” Text message meme but with “impeachment” instead of Borat

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Dec 24

the “I can excuse racism” meme from Community but with HDP in place of racism and group spooning in place of animal cruelty because it is how I feel re Pluribus

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Dec 19

important PSA

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Dec 11

this sucks!!! Getting job alerts from LinkedIn for writing/writer that ending up being this SUCKS. And almost every day the only writing job alerts I get are for training AI models. It is incredibly sad

linkedin.com

About the job
$42-$56 per hour
Hourly contract | Remote | Part-time (20 hrs/week)
Location: Remote (US-based, English speakers only)
| Type: Part-time

Why This Role Exists

Great comedy is deceptively hard to teach-especially to machines. We're building Al systems that need to understand timing, tone, context, and originality in humor. That's where you come in.
We're looking for professional comedy writers who can identify where humor belongs (and where it doesn't), create gold-standard examples of witty responses, and develop detailed evaluation criteria that capture what makes something actually funny versus try-hard or cringeworthy.
This isn't about writing joke books for robots. It's about training Al to be conversational and genuinely funny in the way a brilliant friend would be—not a chatbot doing its best Robin Williams impression.

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Dec 8

Carol & the End of the World (2023)

Carol on the phone with Davis Taffler in Pluribus (2025)

danielle weisberg@danielleweisberg· Nov 25

your ballet teacher who was on pointe for 20 years without using toe pads wears these because she needs the arch support and still wants to go ‘on pointe’ to demo things for you in class