dng

@dng

i make things occasionally

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dng@dng· Jul 10

A matte painting of Star Fleet Academy from the episode The First Duty (ST:TNG 5x19)

A picture of whatever stadium in LA it is they're playing world cup matches at

dng@dng· Jun 23

All these and more!

A 32 page catalogue for purchasing various absolutely shite household items

A small plastic dinosaur resembling an Apatasaurus, made from orange plastic painted a combination of light and dark green.

A typical newspaper sport supplement, containing 14 pages of sport (23/06/2016)

dng@dng· Jun 12

#4: Roy Orbital #3: Servalo Glitch #2: Icosa Hedron #1: {verification_error}

Roy Orbital

Anointed as Emoticorp’s official Mood Of The Year seventeen years running, Roy Orbital is able to trace his decillionaire lineage all the way back to some originating 20th century myth-shrouded millionaire. Though Roy’s authenticity is unquestioned, the true nature of his undoubtedly impassioned soul remains contested. Described by accepted and condoned critical analysis as alternately unfathomable, inexplicable and insoluble, Roy Orbital is the paradoxical conundrum of the decillionaire caste, his evergreen image of affected alienation simultaneously popular with screaming teenagers desperate to be misunderstood and wistful decrepitudes yearning for the nostalgic pleasures of misremembered old times.

Age: 52
Style: Timeless
Voice: Tremulous
Reputation: Enigmatic
Personality: Brooding
Emotional Depth: Abyssal
Glasses: Extremely Dark
Mass: 63 kg
Height: 1.80 metres
Personal Wealth: €4,444,444,444,444,444,444,444,444,444,444,444 (4th on all time list)

Servalo Glitch

Having started his eponymous investment empire with little more than a single € in his hand, a billion Eurodoll education, and the extralegal support of his father’s syndicated crime monopolies, Servalo Glitch became the third richest man of all time in a little over 11111.11111 days, his return on investment yielding an impressively constant 1% growth on all fiscal assets under his control, measured against any and all timescales, whether yearly, quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily, hourly, minutely, secondly, subsecondly, or subsubsecondly.

While some critics have suggested this mathematical impossibility is proof of potential financial irregularities in Servalo’s investment methodologies, others have confirmed it.

Age: 31.4159
Style: Irrational
Reputation: Complex
Interests: Imaginary
Mass: 173.20508 kg
Height: 2.236067 metres
Personal Wealth: €6,283,185,307,179,586,476,925,286,766,559,005 (3rd on all time list)

Icosa Hedron

Unlike most previously accepted search engine paradigms, Icosa Hedron’s self-proclaimed genius lay in his decision to pivot from providing answers to incoming user queries into supplying further questions instead. In the subsequent information cascade, even the most rational individual could be radicalised into frothing red-faced fury within ten incremental question escalations by the Just Ask query engine.

Though JA.qu is itself a loss-making enterprise, Icosa makes up the shortfall in residual income from his gold-plated cryptotestosterone supplement retail empire and cruise ship/pension embezzlement ventures.

Age: 77
Style: Inquisitive
Reputation: Unquestioned
Interests: Irritating
Mass: 77.7 kg
Height: 1.777 metres
Personal Wealth: €7,777,777,777,777,777,777,777,777,777,777,777 (2nd on all time list)

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dng@dng· Jun 12

But who are the world's most rich and despicable men, you ask? Well, here's a handy cut out and keep guide. #8: Rex Detroit #7: Xandy Mandelbrot #6: Tranq Recoil #5: Billy Sevvs

Rex Detroit

Recreational Detroit, born Simon Jones, and commonly known as Rex, is 47 years of age, and the newest and tallest of the world’s eight known decillionaires. Father of fifteen, father at fifteen, winner of World’s Fastest Executive Firing three times in the last seven years, proud owner of the entire remaining edible population of Chilean flamingos. His murder convictions were recently annulled on appeal, due to the bankruptcy of the Calizona Criminal Justice Department mid-trial.

Although it has long been rumoured that Rex Detroit is scared of heights, any such public suggestion of these facts is prosecuted to the full extent of the prevailing jurisdiction’s civil, criminal and corporate protectionist laws.

Age: 47
Wives: 4 (plus 2 divorced, 1 deceased)
Children (paternity accepted): 15
Children (paternity contested): 21
Mass (Earth standard): 81 kg
Height (Actual): 1.94 metres
Height (Official): 2.01 metres
Likeability (public ratings by verified accounts): 9.9/10
Likeability (unpublished internal ratings by anonymous polling of known associates and employees): 0.9/10
Murders (completed): 9
Murders (convicted): 0
Personal Wealth: €1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 (8th on all time list)

Xandy Mandelbrot

Xandy Mandelbrot, born Alexander Bolzano–Weierstrass, is 29 years of age, and the seventh richest man in the solar system. Little is known about Xandy Mandelbrot beyond his wealth and his refusal to share it with anyone at all. It is rumoured he personally owns 97.32% of all earthly gold.

Age: 29
Wives: 0
Children: 0
Pets: 0
Mass: 71 kg
Height: 1.91 metres
Likeability: N/A
Personal Wealth: €1,010,101,010,101,010,101,010,101,010,101,010 (7th on all time list)

Tranq Recoil

Born Tranquility Recollection III, the astonishing mundanity of his business, wealth and family history caused him to overcompensate with his own personal rebrand. Tranq Recoil likes energy usage, noise production and extreme movement activities.

To aid his public performances, Tranq's body has been enhanced in various ways. Available adrenal glands have been expanded from 2 to 256, his blood has been replaced by a high density glucose/caffeine suspension, while subdermal coils allow for the extraction of electrical energy from nearby power sources. His teeth are rumoured to be disguised methamphetamine capsules and his clothes are made exclusively from cocaine.

Age (official): 67
Age (implied): 21
Wives: 0
Girlfriends: 1,234 (simultaneous record) Deaths (own): 0
Deaths (inspired): 92,783
Mass (at rest): 79 kg
Mass (in action): 143 kg
Height: 1.93 metres
Physical Strength: 99
Fearlessness Factor: 999
Skill Power: 9999
Extreme Rating:: 999999999999999999999999999999999.9999999999999
Personal Wealth: €2,020,020,020,020,020,020,020,020,020,020,020 (6th on all time list)

Billy Sevvvs

Billy Sevvvs, born Several Williams I, c.1823, has, as of today, fully outlived 13 generations of his direct descendants. He attributes his longevity to a lack of enjoyment in all things except the suffering of others.

Through his MegaMorgue® monopoly’s research and development programmes, Billy Sevvvs is the leading authority in necrocryptology, necrocurrency, necrofungibility, necrobiotics, necronarcotics, necropreservation, necrofermentation, necroresuscitation, necrosustenation, necroplastination, necrotransportation, necroteleportation, necromotivation, necromanipulation, necromechanisation and necromonetisation.

His collection of dust is said to be the most extensive in Wyoming.
Age: 333
Wives: 1 (deceased)
Children: 3 (deceased)
Grandchildren: 9 (deceased)
Great grandchildren: 27 (deceased) Great great grandchildren: 81 (deceased)
Great great great grandchildren: 243 (deceased)
Great great great great grandchildren: 729 (deceased)
Great great great great great grandchildren: 2,187 (deceased)
Great great great great great great grandchildren: 6,561 (deceased)
Great great great great great great great grandchildren: 19,683 (deceased)
Great great great great great great great great grandchildren: 59,049 (deceased)
Great great great great great great great great great grandchildren: 177,147 (deceased) Great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren: 531,441 (deceased) Great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren: 1,594,323 (deceased)
Great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren: 4,782,969 (mostly deceased)
Great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren: 14,348,907 (barely if any deceased)
Mass (Earth standard): 33 kg
Height: 1.33 metres
Personal Wealth: €3,333,333,333,333,333,333,333,333,333,333,333 (5th on all time list)

dng@dng· Jun 1

A daytime hedgehog snuffling about in the garden

A hedgehog in the plants in the corner of my garden

dng@dng· May 12

Selection

It was my turn as Prime Minister this week.
I was woken up by the whips and given the ceremonial hi-viz and hard hat
then driven straight to Downing Street to give a speech to the assorted Westminster hacks.
I said some nonsense about being here to serve all the people all the time
before adding “All the real people!” with a cheeky wink to the guy from GB News.
His thumbs up meant the world to me.
Once I got inside I turned the heating right up, left all the taps running
and ate every Viennetta in the freezer.
“Bill that to the taxpayer!” I chuckled to some weary civil servant
As I put the hard hat on his head, handed him the hi-viz jacket
and went next door to see who the chancellor was.

dng@dng· Apr 30

CAT

A three panel comic about a cat. In the middle panel the cat calls you a wanker

dng@dng· Jan 6

This Film Is 100 Years Old: The Tale Of The Amp Lion (1925) accumulationofthings.com/100/2026/01/... A charming and lovely advert for old trumpet-style radio/record player speakers, animated by William Heath Robinson (who I never knew until today had made an actual animated cartoon before)

A swan looks at an old lady and says TWEET

Amplion: The World's Standard Wireless Loud Speaker

dng@dng· Dec 30

This Film Is 121 Years Old: The Mistletoe Bough www.patreon.com/posts/this-f... Atmospheric ghostly christmas spookiness from 1904

The bride ascends some stairs in her wedding dress in The Mistletoe Bough

The groom embraces the ghost of his bride, 30 years later (In The Mistletoe Bough)

dng@dng· Dec 30

The Black Cat

The black cat is the only ghost
with measurable weight

Once it settles in place
it cannot be moved

While it sleeps
it feasts on our dreams

And we let it
we let it

Ravenous

The wisdom of crows accumulates
through the flesh on which they feast

Memories of man
woman
child
beast

It's only because they do not eat their elders
that they don't contain within their hearts
the souls of the world
of all history
of time

dng@dng· Dec 21

Can't sleep. Sexy video game Poirot is going to fuck me

The cover of a Murder On The Orient Express game on the PS4. Poirot is quite aggressively sexy.

dng@dng· Dec 19

a hamster so long bluesky only wants to show about a tenth of it

dng@dng· Dec 19

Now available online! accumulationofthings.com/twine/longdog/ How long can you make your dog?

dng@dng· Dec 18

basically plagiarised from this slightly unsettling locn hess monster game i had when i was a child

dng@dng· Dec 18

Long Dog (and other elongated animals) is a card game I made today in which you have to make the longest dog you can. It is the best card game ever, clearly (also contains three other unshown dogs, one of which looks more like an elephant than a dog due to my inept drawing technique)

A photo of a game of Long Dog in action. There is a very long dog, a quite long pig, a sot of long hamster, and a pretty tall cat

dng@dng· Oct 31

The Adventure Of The Empty Nursery (a weird fiction Sherlock Holmes story) accumulationofthings.com/things/2018/... "No longer were there three axes to space, but ten, a hundred, a million. I saw an infinite number of dimensions, and between each of those, an infinite number more..."

Her grief was matched only by her capacity for self-restraint

Holmes was busily inspecting the painting on the wall

Henry Sowerby pointed his gun at my chest and fired

dng@dng· Oct 23

a picture of a scotch egg, labelled ova scotia

dng@dng· Oct 8

This one's definitely the best, which I wrote when I was five (apparently) www.patreon.com/posts/420819...

dng@dng· Oct 8

Nietzsche And The Hole (a comic) (for some reason, this was longlisted for the observer/jonathan cape short comic competition thing they used to do, and still might do who knows. also i have no idea how many things were on the longlist, so it might have been one of 6 million or something on there)

Panel 1: Nietzsche looked into the whole
Panel 2: And the hole looked back
Panel 3: And kept looking back
Panel 4: Until Nietzsche looked away
Panel 5: And walked all the way home
Panel 6: In the rain

Panel 1: Nietzsche tried all night to think of other things
Panel 2: But he could not
Panel 3: And so the next day he found himself walking down the hill
Panel 4: In the rain. Again
Panel 5: Just so he could look into the hole
Panel 6: In the hope that the hole would look back. (Again)

Panel 1: Nietzsche liked the hole, and wanted to be friends
Panel 2: And learn everything there was to learn about the hole
Panel 3: But this time the hole did not look back
Panel 4: The hole just wanted to be left alone
Panel 5: And wondered why people were always looking into it
Panel 6: And exploring its depths, as if that was their right

Panel 1: So now the hole ignored Nietzsche, and looked up at the sky
Panel 2: And kept looking up at the sky
Panel 3: For as long as it would take
Panel 4: For Nietzsche to leave it alone
Panel 5:
Panel 6: (But Nietzsche was very persistent)

dng@dng· Oct 8

if i was a cube
I'd keep my secrets
on the sides you cannot see

(written on the three visible sides of a cube)

dng@dng· Oct 8

Every 100th Photo (2014-2020) Here's almost exactly 1% of all the photos I took between the start of 2014 (when I got my camera) and 2020 (when the world ended). I like the bit where a bear emerges from the dark near the end of the loop.

dng@dng· Sep 1

My nieces were mildly, briefly, impressed

dng@dng· Sep 1

A few weeks ago I bought a kite making kit (which was basically a sheet of paper and some bamboo sticks) from the art gallery and then I made the kite (out of the sheet of paper and the bamboo sticks) and then i tried using the kite and the kite actually flew about for a bit which was nice