I'm annoyed Live At The Apollo has been cancelled so it feels like a good time to say 'support your local grassroots comedy club'. Like, for example, off the top of my head, the next Beverley Jestwood, which is our LGBTQ special in conjunction with Beverley Pride www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1993589412...

Trying to find a holiday for September. So glad I read the reviews first. Wouldn't want to be subjected to the horrors of having to use one teaspoon between the two of us 😱

"6 Music doesn't play enough of what I like" says avid BBC 6 Music listener

Listening to Sometimes I'm Happy by Nat King Cole First verse: Mate, I think you need to find some self worth Second verse: Ah that's nice though Third verse: Ermmmmm, WTF?

Imagine underestimating how big a poo you needed by this much

Stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you happiness

Hydration break

Donald Trump wants to dismantle the ICC only because he knows this will happen one day

Firstly, are y'all okay?

BREAKING: Gianni Infantino produces a previously unseen image of Donald Trump being presented the FIFA Peace Prize in 2025

Can't believe another month has flown by. My monthly stand-up comedy night at Junk Bar, Beverley is this Wednesday! If you fancy joining us, you can get a free ticket here: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1991723889...

I keep getting drawn in by that news aggregator bit when you swipe to the side on your phone. The clickbait is unreal. I saw this and I was like 'yeah but it won't be a novel though, will it?' Halfway down the article they tell you IT'S A FUCKING CALENDAR! A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE CALENDAR IS NOT NEWS

Looking through a list of new albums out today and I think rappers are running out of names...

Hydration break

Hydration break

My hay fever this evening

Dunnottar Castle is a very windswept and dramatic location on the Scottish east coast. It's a place for very serious history and definitely not whimsy 44/

"I thought you said you wanted to see a stone circle"

It's Pride Month and I'm in Aberdeen. I found these rainbow steps as the sun was setting and no-one was around so I manoeuvred into position 43/

"There's a problem with the facilities" "Sorry about that. Tell me more" "Well, the toilet was OK..." "Oh I thought you said there was a problem?"

I'm not a football expert but I think it's much more likely Scotland will kick it

I'll be hosting my monthly comedy night in Beverley tomorrow! Tickets are free but take-up is pretty slow this month to be honest. If anyone fancies coming along or reposting, I would offer you my eternal affection www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1989607524...

I think yer dad thought this was a roundabout

Pottering round the house when you have ADHD

Back in my day, this type of packaging was only used for hair styling products so basically I've got confused and now my hair smells of basic bitches on a night out

"We feel discomfort towards people who are different to us"

I've been struggling for weeks to get a specific product image from one of our suppliers at work so I decided to finally ask the devil (ChatGPT) to edit an existing image and gave clear instructions. It didn't do what I asked 3 times in a row so I asked it to be honest. I think this means I win?

This is what you're getting by voting Reform UK: lying, cheating, hating on minorities, cutting services, putting up taxes, accepting bribes, selling our national secrets, making money for the rich and taking it from the poor, even stifling free speech. Things are bad but they could be a lot worse