self care is blowing money on a concert tee of late 1980s power ballad band nelson in order to turn it into a bro tank to wear at the gym to deliberately piss off everyone for no other reason other than i personally find it really funny

“alright jim now face away from the others” shit! guys they’re going to make us play at a casino in fucking snoqualmie washington we need to get out of here NOW

w҉h҉a҉t҉’҉s҉ ҉u҉p҉ ҉f҉u҉c҉k҉r҉e҉s҉

visit the glory hole for an awesome day of water sports

gormless failson

the fortress of the heart shouldn’t be a prison

looking myself in the mirror and promising myself not to pedestals today

bert (bookish, stupid) cary (pompous, stupid) derek (vain, stupid) edward (cold, stupid) fred (gross, stupid) gary (fat, stupid)

team bobcat til i die

i do not need group chats i already have a group text with my coworkers which allows them to conveniently windmill dunk on me outside office hours

i have a pathological need for you all to know the prodigy had a live guitarist named gizz butt

if you go through your loved one’s phone and they have one of these in their notes app, say your goodbyes for they are married to the poster’s life

stoat. certified cuties

ME: i better not catch you all sleeping on me 😤 MY CAT:

i’ve been doing that for longer than any reasonable person should

POV you are my hater ass coworker ridiculing my teams background for its sense of whimsy, doing irreparable emotional damage to me

it's very simple: are you going to say no -> YES are you going to say yes -> don't say yes say yes to saying no

“did you say ‘kermit insurance frog’?” haha oh kermit 😂 no but if the police ask then that’s exactly what i said

do you think this dude yells at his barber if they don’t get it “just right”

once again a social pariah because my ass too juicy

put some respect on his name

i told him his picture got 700 likes

i will let someone stay at my house and fully support them if they occasionally check my mail and tend to the emotional needs of my cat, i.e. let him sleep on you for hours at a time

making the wall of honor after your heart becomes an instant grease trap during group jazzercise is quite a legacy my dude

my coworkers handed me a printed AI generated image of me as wham!-era george michael. they are on the cutting edge of workplace bullying

i found this in the parking lot. are you missing a jack? count your jacks and let me know if you are a jack off

do you have summer long balls