Guiness Pig

@guinesspig

Comedian & writer with Long Covid *Posts are for humor & entertainment* I write #MaskholeClapbacks jokes & essays for the Covid-Cautious community at guinesspig.ghost.io Read Wayside: A serial novel for free at: tinyurl.com/wayside-novel

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Guiness Pig@guinesspig· 10d

We have to learn to live with explosive diarrhea

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· 20d

Pierro the dog photoshopped with a king robe, crown and collar on. Caption reads I fear thee not come of shame, thou art a bad bitch, but then again so am I

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· 22d

Screwworm official mascot of 2026 with an enlarged pic of a screwworm and a text bubble beside its head that says screw you lol

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jul 11

Pierro in sheep’s clothing

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jul 4

Small black dachshund in 4th of July attire photoshopped to hold a sign that reads fuck fireworks

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jun 13

Looks a lot like my lil shit 💩 ❤️

Black and white terrier chewing a dog chew

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jun 12

I realize you were probably not prepared for contemporary jazz pianist Pierro but here he is, fresh off of his recent tour with Dave Koz

Pierro the dachshund is wearing a hat and tie and soulfully playing the keyboard

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jun 10

Wellbefore’s KN95 is breathable, comfy, and has adjustable ear loops to help you maintain an N95-like fit. But also I was not prepared for how delightfully crispy the wrapper is, I felt sad tearing it open. 😭 Moldex is still my fave N95 but this KN95 is excellent for less risky situations. 😷 👍

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jun 9

Maybe it’s Pierro. Maybe it’s Maybelline. (Or Pirroline? 😂)

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· Jun 3

Pierro the dachshund dressed as a vampire and surrounded by bats in front of a haunted house and full moon

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 30

Premature Emaskulation is a real problem. If you suffer from this condition, treatment is easily accessible. Put a goddamn N95 on your face. That’s it.

Do you suffer from premature emaskulation? The public health international emergency of concern has ended, but the COVID-19 pandemic is not over. Not wearing a mask in public leaves you exposed to Covid and you are not other airborne pathogens. It’s not too late to mask up again. Protect yourself and others with an N95 respirator. Maskbloc.org. Picture of a white man looking depressed with his head in his hands.

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 28

I know I’m a piece of shit for doing this but I couldn’t help it

Pierro the dachshund dances next to Raygun the breakdancer against a green screen

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 26

Got plans this Friday night? You do now! Lily Slay, the 'Lefty Folk-Rock-Country Covid-Safe Disabled Buzzkill' singer/songwriter is performing a FULL concert LIVE over Zoom on 5/29 at 6p ET/5p CT/4p MT/3p PT and it's FREE! Grab your ticket at tinyurl (dot) com/LilySlayMay29

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 24

My senior dog’s been peeing indoors. We put diapers on her overnight. They work well. We’ve chosen not to learn to live w/piss. We’ve adapted. If I’ve learned anything from the CC community, it’s that prevention can be fun/ interesting/sexy. So here you go, my dog in a diaper 🤘

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 23

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Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 23

🧵Live over Zoom, it’s Lily Slay! Join us Friday, May 29 at 6p ET/5p CT/4p MT/3p PT for a free concert followed by a meet & greet with the artist! Haven’t heard of Lily yet? Give her a listen in linked tweet!!! (1/2)

Lily Slay live in concert over Zoom May 29 at 6 p ET, 5 p CT, 4 p MT, 3 p PT. Free show tips welcome. Photo of Lily, a young white woman with long red hair playing a guitar and singing into a microphone. Website for free tickets is tinyurl dot com forward slash LilySlayMay29

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 22

“Please send a manager over before I start knocking shit off this table.”

Adonis the cat photoshopped to look like he’s sitting at a table in a restaurant with wine and bread on the table. He is wearing a red scarf and browline glasses and looks pissed off.

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 21

All of the other donuts Used to laugh and call him names

An open box of Krispy Kreme, doughnuts with a doughnut that has a poorly drawn smiley face on it in one corner, and all of the other donuts gathered far away from it

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 13

What an exquisite creature. Love him ❤️

Orange cat wearing black Chuck Taylor high tops on his hind feet while curled up sleeping

Guiness Pig@guinesspig· May 12

Stressed over today's headlines? Maybe laughter is the medicine you need! Join me this Sat. 5/16 at 6 p ET for Goin' Viral, the most fun standup comedy game show on Zoom! Join with camera on or off & participate at your level of comfort. Grab a FREE ticket at link in graphic!