Alex Roberts
@helloalexroberts
The game designer behind Star Crossed, For the Queen, Precious Little Animal, POP!, Hero Dog Saves Town, Our Time on Earth, Rat Trash Party, and more. helloalexroberts.carrd.co please send inquiries to helloalexroberts at gmail
The box art promises a good time. The ice cream sandwich enemy is front and center, which makes sense because he is an absolute icon. But the graphic designers said: no. This cannot be enhanced, it must be balanced. There is no action without stillness just as there is no shadow without light.
Today's preoccupation is the strangely empty image on the Chameleon Twist (N64) cartridge. So much negative space. You can almost hear a gentle breeze.
Why have I never before perceived the hideous mouths on the Beamos from Ocarina of Time? Did I refuse to perceive them? Did my brain edit them out of my memory?
Thank you all for being on this journey with me and thank you wizards of the coast for bringing Cid's profoundly inconsistent hotness to my attention. happy new year
15/15 Cid from FFII. Strong features. Tousled salt and pepper hair. Huge glow-up from his in-game sprite but still true to Yoshitaka Amano's concept art. He definitely has a sexy accent, no idea what kind though. Seems like a widower who's ready to love again. And look. At that. Sideboob.
??/15 oh noooo I forgot about Cid from FFVIII! This guy also has massive kinkster vibes, but in some precise and possibly obsessive way. Knows how to use a violet wand. Impossible to place on the list because I'm so distracted by his absolute baddie wife. He's not this high though.
12/15 Cid from FFXIV. Hear me out. He's just having a bad hair day. Like he was wearing a helmet for a few hours or something. The nicely kept beard and plunging neckline are going in such a profoundly different direction than the hair on this confident silver fox. There's been some kind of mistake.
11/15 Cid from FFXVI. we're getting a more classic leather look here, with some decidedly larp-y detailing. Undeniably handsome but... bland. Probably boring? He'd be like "I'm an underwear model" and I'd be like "that's great" but I'm not exactly kicking him out.
10/15 Cid from FFX. Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. This guy also has Member Of The Kink Community energy but in a more refined, orb-pondering way. Still not really my type and the fit is a bit wild but he's easy on the eyes and seems like a thoughtful, attentive person. I'm interested.
9/15 Cid from FFXI. We are entering the top half of the list. By which I mean this Cid is a top, and a lot of his identity is wrapped up in that. Not really my type but I bet he brings insanely high quality gear to the play party and/or ren faire.
8/15 Cid from FFVII. This guy is smack dab in the middle of the list because this, my friends, is just a guy. I am neither drawn nor repulsed. Seems fine. At the worst, maybe he's a car guy.
6/15 Cid from FFXV. The vibes are questionable but I see some potential here. Also I just looked up his official art and this is at least a big upgrade from malnourished narc grandpa
5/15 Cid from FFIX. Sorry man, it's the moustache. And I think you know it's the moustache. Lose the moustache and we can talk. But based on the moustache I am going to assume you're pretty committed to the moustache. I gotta say, though: nice gams.
4/15 Cid from FFXII. Who is this and what is he so happy about? Looks like a regular guy who got isekai'd into FF. Loving the finery, but something about him makes me wary.
3/15 Cid from FFV. The outfit says aging ex-hippie and the posture says acid flashback. I think he wants to tell me about the sixties. Horrid.
2/15: Cid from FFIII. I realize that for a certain type of person this guy would be at the top of the list, but I am not that person. The gnomish glee is not doing it for me. Sorry little guy. No I don't want to look at your cube.
Cids will be ranked exclusively on hotness. So let's start with the absolute bottom of the barrel, Cid from FFVI. I hate to do this, because VI is my favourite! But between the scowl, the weird hood thing, and the middle management moustache, I can hardly look at him.
In 2025's last act of utter self-indulgence, I'm going to be ranking all the depictions of Cid from Final Fantasy as seen on Magic: the Gathering cards. Cid is a recurring character in the series, usually a good guy, makes machines and stuff. I haven't played the newer games so I think of him like
I thought I might run out of North American things to frighten/appall my European husband with but then I found this hefty, human skull-sized glass bottle of peppermint coffee syrup in the shape of the Grinch's scowling visage