Jesse Hughey

@hughey

Writer, editor and PR specialist in Dallas. Bylines in Fodor’s American Travel, Success, Southwest: The Magazine, D, Cowboys & Indians, Dallas Observer, etc. Opinions are everyone’s. He/him, P1, jessehughey.com

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Jesse Hughey@hughey· Jun 2

Chili cornbread pie is of my favorite meals because it’s leftovers squared. Day 3 or 4 brisket goes into chili, and then when the chili is almost gone or you’re out of Fritos or fixin’s, you put it hot in a pie pan and pour cornbread mix on top.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 17

Finally, the recipes for Pineapple Porklet Chow Mein and Pizza Porkabobs. The recipe name “PIZZA PORKABOBS” combined with the knowledge it incorporates an entire can of bottom-shelf malt liquor definitely will not trigger the urge to vomit. PIZZA PORKABOBS

Another page spread from Schlitz Recipes for Drinking and Dining. The photos look like your grandmother’s old Joy of Cooking pics: Glistening brown food.

PINEAPPLE PORKLET
CHOW MEIN
OWN
•GAR
6 to 8 porklets (approximately 2 pounds)
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon salt
1 can (8 ounces) Schlitz Malt Liquor
1 can (13¼ ounces) crushed pineapple
½ cup chopped green pepper
2 tablespoons soy sauce
Chow mein noodles
Combine brown sugar, cornstarch and salt in heavy saucepan.
Stir in malt liquor, crushed pineapple, green pepper and soy sauce. Heat on grill or range, stirring constantly, until thickened Continue cooking at low temperature 5 to 7 minutes. Place pork-lets on grill 5 to 6 inches from heat and broil at low to moderate temperature 15 to 20 minutes or until done. Turn occasionally, brushing with pineapple sauce. Serve sauce with porklets and chow mein noodles. 6 to 8 servings.

PIZZA
PORKABOBS
SAUCE
2 pounds boneless pork shoulder, cut in 1-inch cubes
1 can (8 ounces) Schlitz Malt Liquor
1 can (8 ounces) pizza sauce
¼ teaspoon salt
2 medium-sized green peppers, cut in 1-inch squares
½ pound medium-sized mushrooms
Combine malt liquor pizza sauce and salt. Marinate pork cubes in pizza-malt liquor marinade in refrigerator, covered, 4 hours or overnight. Thread pork cubes alternately with green pepper and mushrooms on metal skewers. Broil at low to moderate tempera-ture, as far as possible from heat, brushing with marinade and turning occasionally for 30 to 40 minutes or until well done. 6 servings.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 17

The next best thing to a gin or vodka martini is a can of Schlitz poured over ice and garnished with a single green olive. It’s called a Maltini.

More Schlitz recipes from a misguided yet ambitious promotional “recipe book” from 1974:

WITH A GIFT OF
GARNISH
BULL TWIST-O
8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor
Spray bottle — lemon concentrate
Fill 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass with ice cubes. Spray one squirt of lemon concentrate around inside of glass and on ice cubes. Add Schlitz Malt Liquor.
SCHLITZ TWIST
8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor
Twist of lemon rind
Pour Schlitz Malt Liquor over ice cubes in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass. Add a twist of lemon.
COOL BULL
8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor
Twist of lime
Pour Schlitz Malt Liquor over ice cubes in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass.
Garnish with a twist of lime.
SUN KISSED BULL
8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor
Slice of orange
Pour Schlitz Malt Liquor over ice cubes it a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass.
Add a slice of orange.
MALTINI
8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor
Green Olive
Pour Schlitz Malt Liquor over ice cubes in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass.
Garnish with a green olive.
BULL SOUR
½ jigger (¾ oz.) Lemon juice
1 tspn. powdered sugar
8 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor
Slice of orange
Maraschino cherry
Pour lemon juice into a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass. Add sugar and stir until dissolved. Mix in Schlitz Malt Liquor.
Garnish with a slice of orange and a Maraschino cherry. Add ice if desired.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 17

Little-known fact: Schlitz is the PERFECT mixer for cocktails.

Photo of another page spreadfrom the Schlitz recipe book.

SCHLITZ MALT LIQUOR
The Perfect Mixer
All over the country the friendly, robust flavor of Schlitz Malt Liquor is finding its way into more and more exotic mixed drinks.
It all started with the Schlitz Malt Liquor Matador Cocktail or Schlitz Twist-Schlitz Malt Liquor on the rocks with a twist of lemon —and it's still going strong - as strong as the Bull himself. Now people are using it as the piquantly pleasing companion for scores of beverages — alcoholic and otherwise.
Some of the more classic combinations are contained in the drink recipes that fol-low. Try them. We think you'll agree that Schlitz Malt Liquor is not only a great drink straight up but a great mixer as well!
"T" BULL
Mr. & Mrs. T.
Schlitz Malt Liquor
Pour equal amounts of Schlitz Malt Liquor and Mr. & Mrs. Tover the rocks in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass.
HOT & BOLD
Snappy Tom
Schlitz Malt Liquor
Mix equal parts Schlitz Malt Liquor and Snappy Tom in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass. Add ice cubes if desired.
WITH A TOUCH OF
TOMATO
HALT LIQUO
VEGETA BULL
Vegetable juice
Schlitz Malt Liquor
Mix equal parts of vegetable juice and Schlitz Malt Liquor in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass. Add ice if desired.
SPANISH BULL
Tomato Juice
Schlitz Malt Liquor
Worcestershire Sauce
Tabasco Sauce
Mix equal parts of tomato juice and Schlitz Malt Liquor in a 13 oz. double old-fashioned glass. Add a dash of Worcestershire Sauce and three drops of Tabasco Sauce. Add ice cubes if desired.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 17

First, let’s establish some facts about Schlitz Malt Liquor. One important statistic: About seventeen percent more raw materials are required to produce Schlitz Malt Liquor.

Scan from a 1974 Schlitz promotional“recipe book.”
SCHLITZ
MALT LIQUOR
FACTS ABOUT THE BULL
MALT LIQUOR
CONTINE A SLINO BORIS.
BOLD
The bull is the symbol of Schlitz Malt Liquor with good reason. That reason is because it's bold — as bold as the Bull himself! It's different than beer - different because it's brewed under a different formula. Formula
— that's the key. That's what creates Schlitz Malt Liquor's unique zesty flavor!

HEARTY
About seventeen percent more raw materials are required to produce Schlitz Malt Liquor.
Ten different malts and three different tangy hops are carefully blended with other special ingredients to brew this bold product. Because of the controlled carbonation, Schlitz Malt Liquor is more satisfying, more potent, yet much less filling than beer.

MELLOW
A longer, slower aging process develops certain esters which give Schlitz Malt Liqu its uniquely smooth, light and mellow taste
•..that bold-as-the-Bull personality that made it one of the most called-for malt liquors anywhere!

VERSATILE
You can serve Schlitz Malt Liquor on-the-rocks or mix-it-up with lots of other ingredients.
It's bold enough to hold its own. Try cooking with Schlitz Malt Liquor too. As bold as it i straight-up, Schlitz Malt Liquor is a surprisingly subtle seasoning. It blends well with all meals and heightens the flavor and adds a pleasant accent
POPULAR
Schlitz Malt Liquor is part of the fastest growing segment of the malt liquor industry
It is distributed nationally.
MALT LIQUOR

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 6

She unretouch my lower-torso prop detail till I C 3PO

1977 Topps Star Wars trading card for C-3PO. It looks like the golden-metal droid has a golden-metal hard-on. There’s some phallic prop or costume element jutting out and upward from below his waist. It’s probably not a dick, but I can’t figure out what else it could be. The website I pulled this from describes it as an “unretouched lower-torso prop detail.”

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Apr 15

You can see the internal struggle in this mutt’s eyes, his retriever obsession with playing fetch at odds with his pit bull love of tug-of-war as he decides whether or not to release his squirrel toy.

POV of a guy holding one side of a fuzzy squirrel dog toy as a large pit bull-retriever (?) mix holds the other side in his teeth, his eyes focused on it.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Apr 7

Eight minutes before he threatened genocide, implying the use of nuclear weapons, he was promoting one of the personally branded scam businesses he’s running while he moonlights as President of the United States.

Truth Social posts
[From Donald J. Trump account]
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump • 18m
A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don't want that to happen, but it probably will. However, now that we have Complete and Total Regime Change, where different, smarter, and less radicalized minds prevail, maybe something revolutionarily wonderful can happen, WHO KNOWS? We will find out tonight, one of the most important moments in the long and complex history of the World. 47 years of extortion, corruption, and death, will finally end. God Bless the Great People of Iran!
Q 1.24k
1.6k
> 6.18k
Q
...
[Promo post]
RowanPierce305 @
@RowanPierce305 • 4m
Big Pharma pushed Ambien and Xanax to exhausted Americans.
But a natural compound that promotes deep sleep and relaxation-with no hangover, no addiction-was completely ignored.
It's called Apigenin, hidden in chamomile for thousands of years. Here's why….. Show more
...
• Featured Ad

[Earlier post from Donald J. Trump]
@realDonaldTrump • 26m
Two more major pharmaceutical companies to launch products through TrumpRx:

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Mar 18

I’m reading Kurt Vonnegut’s Deadeye Dick having a nice time and a few laughs, and then he socks me in the gut with this.

Screenshot of the e-book version of Deadeye Dick by Kurt Vonnegut. Highlighted portion reads:

Nations might think of themselves as stories, and the stories end, but life goes on. Maybe my own country’s life as a story ended after the Second World War, when it was the richest and most powerful nation on earth, when it was going to ensure peace and justice everywhere, since it alone had the atom bomb.

THE END.

[This is not the ending of the book, though it is in the final pages.]

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Jan 12

Just because they cheer me up, here are 4 pictures of our pit mix, Axl. He is stubborn and rowdy but a good boy. Not sure what other breeds are in there, but he’s the fastest dog I’ve had by far, with incredible endurance. He loves to chase squirrels and escape and make a game of it.

Interior. A very long white and brown pit mix dog named Axl stands on his hind legs on a rug catching a chew toy midair. He looks goofy and happy. In the background is a heavy wooden work desk and office chair, a homemade plant stand with little potted plants on staggered shelves, and a homemade MCM-styled stained-wood record cabinet full of albums with a Technics turntable atop it. On a wall in the upper left corner hangs a beautiful photo-realistic portrait of the late Izzy Hughey, a pit-boxer, created by Iris Hughey.

Interior. A long brown and white pit mix (Axl) plays with a chew toy on a rug. He crouches or bows his forelegs with his hind legs at full height, his long tail blurred in motion. He looks up at the camera as if self-conscious about being caught playing.

Close-up on face of a white and brown pit mix (Axl). He’s lying on a bed in a child’s bedroom, head tilted down with a serious expression. Long perky batwing ears are at full attention. He is illuminated from behind like a saint or icon.

Interior. A 7-year-old boy (Malcolm) in his DISD uniform navy shirt and khaki pants lies on a blue and white rug. He is cuddled by a white and brown pit mix (Axl) who has a forelimb draped over him. Axl looks goofy lying on his side and looks back at the camera with his head upside down and ears spread akimbo on the rug. In the background yellow decorative lights cast an appealing glow on the glossy stained wood of an open-frame homemade entertainment center, which holds a wire basket full of dog toys.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Nov 2

My daughter’s costume this year was “ribbon-cutting cereal gone wrong.” I love that she shares my absurd sense of humor and also has the energy and confidence to go through with her ideas instead of being like, “Wouldn’t it be funny if…”

My 28-year-old daughter in Halloween costume: holding a handmade cardboard oversized pair of bloodied scissors, one of her hands wrapped in bloody gauze, a dramatically pained expression on her face. Interior shot, not sure where, but she’s standing next to a trash can in what looks like a hellish school cafeteria.

Posed group of eight people in their 20s in Halloween attire. My daughter is front and center with her cardboard prop bloodied oversized ceremonial scissors and grievous costume bandaged hand. To her proper left is a lady in clown makeup. If it’s the person I think it is, I don’t think you can call it a costume because she is literally a professional clown, like she’s gone to clown school and everything.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Sep 22

Won’t someone think of the U.S. economy? And the business world?!

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Sep 16

Superman saves the world from Nazis and mad scientists. Meanwhile Captain Marvel uses his powers to swim down to the ocean floor and choke out some poor tiger shark just minding its business.

Original line art from the cover of Whiz Comics No. 19 July 11, 1941. A box of text reads “CAPTAIN MARVEL Crushes the TIGER-SHARK!” Underwater scene depicts generic brown-haired white guy superhero with an angry expression holding a big shark in a chokehold, forcing its nose to the ocean floor. Shark’s eyes are bulging out of its head and bubbles float up from its mouth as if it’s crying out in agony. An attractive brunette woman swims nearby and looks on in wide-eyed shock, seeming to weigh whether she should intervene.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Aug 11

I keep getting phishing texts and decided to respond to this one. Maybe the wink emoji sent me over the edge. My replies seem to have ended the conversation. Guess they weren’t so excited about meeting up after all.

Apparent phishing SMS from (929) 837-9428 at 2:10 pm: Hey! I'm planning a business trip to Dallas in September. Are you still there？ 😉

My replies (in green speech bubbles): I'm here now but not sure how much longer I will be. Depends how the trial goes and which facility they send me to if I am found guilty. Hoping the star witness doesn't end up testifying, if you know what I mean 😉. Anyway the judge hasn't set the date yet.

When will you be here? I can put you on my visitors list. Still at Lew Sterrett.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Aug 2

Here’s another half-assed city of Dallas project. They were doing street replacement for months and just stopped, right in front of my house. Of course the north end gets replaced and the south gets some asphalt patches.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Aug 2

If you don’t like the light from those old orange street lamps, careful what you wish for. The replacement at the end of our block is brighter than a welding torch.

Night. A blazing bright white streetlight illuminates an empty residential T intersection. It reflects off glossy leaves of a tree in a yard and glares from the fresh cement road. Every shadow is razor-sharp. In the background an older streetlight casts a smaller circle of comparatively gentle light.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Jul 18

Very funny one-two combination of stories that suggest or confirm these two are indeed as awful as we know they are and which will lead to no meaningful consequences for either.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Jun 15

If my formerly Republican 70-something mom is out in the Texas heat to protest you, man, you have fucked up.

My wife in a yellow shirt that says “[picture of a bee] KIND”; my mom in a ball cap that says “Make lying wrong again” and white shirt that says “THINK while it’s still legal” holding a flag-festooned handmade sign that says “NO kings | bribes | lies”; and me in a sweaty old white T that says “RICH BASTARDS BEWARE.” Several other people in the background seek relief from the sun under trees with signs and flags and such in the background, but this pic is not at all suggestive of the really big turnout.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Jun 11

It always cracks me up at Fiesta reading the aisle sign’s Spanish translation of “Hispanic Medicines,” which is just “Medicinas.”

Beautifully composed photograph of the Aisle 7 descriptive overhead sign inside a Fiesta grocery store. Each category has the English word for the items with the literal Spanish version under it. “Shampoo/Conditioner” with “Champu/Acondicionadores” beneath, and so on. The bottom item is “Hispanic Medicines,” which is translated simply as “Medicinas.”

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 19

I had the particular combination of hunger and fuck-it-all that leads to getting lunch at Wingfield’s, and holy shit am I glad I did. It had been too long. They still have an excellent burger, and it’s still the size of a meatloaf.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· May 4

Why in the world would they suggest I serve coffee this way?

Coffee packaging shows a pile of ground coffee studded with red raw coffee beans and glossy green leaves floating against a blue background. A caption reads SERVING SUGGESTION.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Apr 21

How complicated does a dog bed have to be? All these parts and technical instructions, you need an engineering degree to assemble this

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Apr 20

A 4/20 Easter miracle! I encountered a post that had been reskeeted 3 times and had a like count of 19. I had the honor of nudging each of those numbers up by one. I am not a golfer, but I bet this is what it feels like to get a hole-in-one.

Screenshot of my Bluesky feed, which includes a post by user ‘more mr. nice guy.’ Its repost icon is colored green with the count at 4, and its heart icon is red with the count now sitting at 20, indicating it was I who retweeted AND liked it at precisely the right moment to make it the Weed Number … ON WEED DAY! (This occurred at 4:32 pm, but man, just imagine if it’d happened 12 minutes earlier.)

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Apr 19

Do the Atlantic’s kids maybe need to go spend a few days at Grandma’s, though?

Screenshot of the Atlantic’s Recommended Reading box, with the stories “How I Demolished My Life,” “Throw Your Children’s Art Away” and “When Your Child Is a Psychopath”

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Apr 8

The Dallas Observer, the city’s alt-weekly, had a preview story about it on Friday. The protest took place less than a mile from the Dallas Morning News building, on the same street. It’s hard to believe no news reporter or editor saw the DO story or noticed the event.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Nov 6

Axl, a young white and brown pit mix with heavy-lidded gold eyes and perky ears, stirring from a nap.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Nov 5

Here’s our sweet new pit mix, Axl, whom we adopted from the pound last month.

Axl Hughey, a young pit-mix good dog with a white and brown coat, golden eyes, perky ears, a blue collar and a somewhat concerned facial expression

Axl Hughey again, this time in close-up on his smiling face

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Oct 16

It’s so fucking weird how he likes playing pretend Big Boy Job and people just humor him.

Donald Trump making one of his asshole pouty-lip faces and shaking his fists sitting behind the wheel in the cab of a parked tractor-trailer in 2017, at which time he was the president of the United States.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Oct 14

He loves destroying Malcolm’s toys almost as much as Malcolm does, so they are getting along very well.

Backyard scene. Axl the dog picks up a plastic toy gun that Malcolm (6) just threw while Malcolm looks on, laughing.

Malcolm and Axl lying down together, sharing a blanket and reading pillow.

Jesse Hughey@hughey· Oct 14

About three months after losing the best dog ever, Izzy (whose portrait is my background pic), adopted a dog from the DAS this weekend. Meet Axl. Super sweet, smart and gentle Dallas street mutt who so far seems to be up to the mighty task of following in her paw prints.