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Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️ (@hyearna) · DIRTY

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️

@hyearna

Arkadia // she/it // 25 // Latex Hyena Enthusiast // Progressive House and Techno Enjoyer 🏠DCA

466 Siguiendo511 Seguidores138 Publicaciones

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¿Es tu perfil?Reclámalo y hyearna.dirty.social es tuyo.Reclamar perfil

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Jun 20

the beaaaaach

photograph of a beach sunset. there is sand in the foreground, with waves lapping. the sky is orange-red, and a blanket of clouds looms over the right side of the image.

a photograph of an evening sky. a crescent moon hanging over a set of utility cables zig-zagging across the image. the silhouette of various trees frames the bottom.

a photograph of various tracks in sand. there is a pair of tire tracks, along with several human footprints, and a set of dog paw prints.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· May 3

oh hi marsh

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Apr 6

I got a Subsonic provider working so I can stream my music files to my phone (yay!) but now I also really need to make sure all my music is tagged correctly which is going to be the next rabbit hole.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Apr 6

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Mar 24

C53

the dream usually goes like this:
we're sitting next to each other on the bus
you put your head on my shoulder, and I play with your hair
I soak in your smile, glowing in the afternoon sun
coming through the dirty, rattling windows
we talk, we hold each other,
we kiss and laugh and I tell you
how much I love you

you tell me about all your plans,
drawing a map of the life that you want to live
as I listen, I understand
that my name isn't written into your diagram
your drafting hand doesn't know the shape of me,
despite the time we've spent in each other's arms
our love is an errant emotion in your design
an inconvenient truth to be inked away

I wonder if we're on the right bus together
I tell you that we're at our stop, but you don't listen
I get off onto an unfamiliar street, but you don't follow;
you move on, while I'm left behind,
left watching the bus carry my love away
I wake up and you still haven't returned

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Mar 14

innocent creature

a mirror selfie of a woman wearing a form-fitting black latex top and skirt, and white platform chelsea boots. she is wearing a blue neoprene hyena hood, and her face beneath is also covered in black latex. she is holding a camera in her right arm, and her left arm is hanging by her side

a closer selfie of the same woman. her left hand is splayed across her tummy this time

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Feb 4

no sleep

I'm used to this new routine:
waking up with the sun,
hours before my alarm.
It gives me time to think about
everything I should've said
to save us

and who am I kidding;
I'll think about it the rest of the day
and I'll think about it until I rest
for the last time

dear gods, what I wouldn't give
to have you back in my arms
and what I wouldn't give
for a good night's sleep

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Jan 26

there are worse places to be stuck for two days after my flight was cancelled

photograph of a tiny hotel room. there is a king size bed in the lower half of the frame, and a large window with a view of the Elliot Bay and the Olympic mountains beyond. the sun descends behind clouds and paints the sky orange.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Jan 10

prey

Am I supposed to be the predator
giving up the chase? Because
I feel more like prey, surrendering
myself to my fate:
I cannot escape the thought of you

You are the first thing on my mind
when I wake up to face a new day
and you are the last thing I see
before sleep takes me each night
to where I'll meet you in my dreams

Even joy reminds me of you;
the corners of my smile are
tainted with your memory, and
I fall from laughter to sobbing in seconds
because I can't share happiness with you

In moments of quiet,
my eyes glaze over into the void
I am quarry, and your teeth are digging in
The game is over, I give myself up
I stare into space and reminisce
about the way we loved each other
and serenity is pierced by choking
sobs
You crush the last breath out of me

My friends have grown tired of
how I still carry my love for you
like a child with a plushie:
it's threadbare, coming apart, and
the slightest move to take it from me
ends in tears
I will never let go of this tattered love

I am prey, and I can't be saved
I am a dead girl walking, fatally
wounded, not by your jaws against my throat
but for having known the feeling
of holding you against my chest
as if you could salve the heartache
that I have become so familiar with

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Jan 8

hyenas can post a little vent art, as a treat

A digital illustration of an anthropomorphic striped hyena sitting in an empty black canvas. It appears she is sitting in shallow black liquid; her reflection is dimly visible in it. She is wearing a muzzle over her snout, and is caressing it with her right hand. Her left hand is draped over her left ankle, and her legs are pulled in towards her chest. Her facial expression is sad and tired.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Jan 4

I got fixed 🤤

Rear shot of a woman completely covered by black latex, wearing bulky cuffs and a harness, and a black puppy toy hood over her head. She is on all fours on a bed, facing away from the camera.

Another image of the same woman, now on her back. Her hands are curled into little paws on her belly, and she is facing the ceiling. The only opening in her hood is the mouth.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Jan 3

In the process of getting fixed

Mirror selfie of a woman wearing shiny black latex all over her body, save for her head. She is also wearing bulky black and silver rubber cuffs and a chest harness. Her right arm is holding onto the harness.

Another mirror selfie, although her right arm is now hanging down.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 29

reprieve from sad-girl posting

mirror selfie of a woman wearing a black latex catsuit and white socks

another selfie from a slightly different angle

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 25

after-after-party

at 6 AM, I step into the deafening
silence of a December morning
the city still sleeps and it is nice
to be the only one moving through this
shocking tranquility I have never
shared with these streets
maybe in this twilight hour,
I can catch up to the world
after the month that I lost to grief
and if I were diligent, I can gain some time
for the years of mourning ahead

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 24

yes I did just finish re-reading "night sky with exit wounds"

it would
have hurt
less, if
you had
given
me a
well-placed
bullet
wound in
between
my breasts.
it would
have been
a true
act of
mercy
to have
my love
for you
painted
in red
across
the ground
behind
my warm
lifeless
body
gushing
from an
exit
channel
like a
scar that
I had
always
wanted
you to
give me
to mark
my soul
as yours
it would
have made
up for
the art
that I
never
had the
chance to
make to
show you
just how
deep the
love I
felt for
you went
to spill
my blood
rather
than ink.
instead,
my ribs
still guard
the raw
sanguine
truth of
the heart
in my
intact
chest that
you used
to press
your ear
against
when you
wanted
to know
the sound
of how
I lived
for you
the heart
still beats
but it
trots an
aimless
rhythm
without
the wolf
that once
could fall
asleep
when she
listened
to its
gentle
pulsing

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 23

techno love poem

i used to joke that "techno was my only drug", but
that was never quite true: you were my drug too.
i was lost in the throes of addiction,
and the night promised to dose me when i felt the cravings
for the tenderness of your touch,
and the embrace of your voice

without you, i can only find escape from
the yearning, the grief
the uncertainty, the fear
the aching, the withdrawal
in the witching hour, on dancefloors
in barnyards, basements, and storerooms
among dark crowds of strangers
wafting through clouds of cigarette smoke

if i let that steadfast rhythm through my body
maybe it could hold me
the way you used to wrap your arms around me
and kiss me on the forehead
maybe it could give me motion
like you commanded in me
when it was time for me to go be with you

maybe my sweat could drown
that ever-present fire in my heart
of my desire to be yours
and wash away the memory of you from my skin

maybe in the cacophony
of the relentless kick drum
of a sound system begging to be let loose
of people who won't shut the fuck up
i will hear the secret to letting go of you

maybe if i make it to morning
i can emerge into the dawn of a new day
cleansed enough to bear a life without you

at five a.m., i field the misguided advances of men
oblivious to the secret between my thighs, and in my throat
and i don't care about their bewildered expressions
when they learn my truth, because you loved me for it

suddenly i remember that i miss being myself with you
and i wish you were by my side again

were the dancefloor truly sacred, i would scream myself breathless
and let my tears join the ichor of spilled drinks beneath my feet
perhaps then i could stomp my love for you into rhythm
and forget what i have lost in the night

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 21

you can take the DC metrorail home from the club if it closes after 6am (I am in pain)

underexposed image taken from a metrorail train showing the early dawn twilight over Long Bridge and the Potomac River

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 17

fall

i would set the world on fire
if it meant I could be yours
if you would only accept the warmth I have for you
like dry brush in summer.

was it not obvious? how
my love for you burns a trench
through my chest through my teeth under my tongue
through the countless nights i cried because you weren't with me

my soul is alight with desire, could you not feel it?
in every touch, my mantle of passion for you
in every bashful smile, the curl of my lips ready to spark
in every time i held you just a little too tight, my hot breath over your neck

i have so much love to share with you, but
you said you couldn't have me.
I guess you must prefer the cold of winter.

what is left for me to do
but swallow my flame for you,
like i've always done.
let it keep me warm until spring, and
I will wait for the sun to come
thaw the darkness in which you left me

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 4

>,.,>

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Dec 2

instant message

your name used to show up on my screen
each day, when you messaged me
as sure as the rising of the sun
or the turning of the tides
or the transit of the stars

on many nights, we would lose ourselves in each other's eyes
you assured me that you would never leave
that i could trust you, like i could trust the heavens

today, my screen is full of friends
asking me if i'm doing alright
(i'm not really okay, but i appreciate them)
and full of coworkers
asking me if i can fix something for them
(no, i'm trying to fix my heart and want to cry at my desk)

i feel like a little girl, alone on a playground
wondering where her best friend went,
not knowing what to do
but to go on with what everyone tells her to
heartache simmering
hollow survival

i still perk up with hope to find a message from you
whenever my phone buzzes in my pocket
but now all it offers me is emptiness

today, the sun still rose to paint the dawn
and the tides still wear away at the shore
and tonight, the stars will make their way across the night sky
but, i am less innocent for having lost your name on my screen
i know now that the heavens, too, will one day grow dark

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Nov 30

wolf mother

You've always said you wanted me to bear your litter
You gave me your seed the night we met, don't you remember?

For two years I was pregnant with your firstborn pup
I fed her, nurtured her
I felt her kick, I felt her claws trace inside me
I bit my tongue, and braved the aches
You went away while she devoured me from the inside out
Our child, growing in me, yearning for her mother

I tried, darling, I tried my best to quell her cries, her incessant gnawing
She just wanted you.

I was a husk of myself when she came due
I bared my chest to you and ripped myself open,
and showed you what you had given me
Were you ashamed of what you saw?
She was beautiful, crying, begging for her mother
But you didn't want her

I held her out to you,
and you sank your fangs into her delicate flesh
Our firstborn.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Nov 29

phone photos

I have photos of you on my phone
that I looked at when I was missing you.
To tide me over the weeks between the times I could have your flesh
and not just your visage.

I have photos from years ago,
that I furtively snapped
when I was still too nervous to ask you if I could take a picture of you.
You were so pretty, and I knew I wanted you.
I was scared that I couldn't have you, and I was right.

I have photos from months ago,
I see you happy next to me
You brightened my heart with your warm, radiant smile,
which now lights up my eyes in a cold, digital glow,
in the solitude of my bedroom.
I don't know exactly what I feel,
but at least I can prove that I made you happy.

I don't know if these images should hurt me.
Even when I was yours,
I spent so much time loving you
through these snapshots of what we could be,
it feels like you haven't left yet.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Nov 28

scavenger

I will forever be thankful
for the meals we shared
especially the leftovers from your fridge
because, despite my nature -- a hyena, a scavenger --
feeding myself has always been a challenge for me.

You kept my belly full,
but you also whet my hunger
for your love,
throwing me the scraps left of your romantic attention
after you gave your other lovers their fill

I should have been happy with the leftovers,
but I begged for more,
and you broke down, and said you had no more to give,
and you left me.
If I had known, then I would have gladly,
patiently waited for your scraps --
your scavenger lover, feasting on the carrion of your heart.
I'm sorry for being ungrateful.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Nov 27

I forgot Echostage could it turn it up that high

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Nov 26

lovebites

I used to nibble on you
to express the love I felt
the way a lovesick little puppy would.

I'm sorry that I sank my fangs in too deep
and tore you into a thousand pieces
to satiate my hunger for your touch,
your soul,
your love.

I fear I never gave you the care you deserved.
You gave me everything you could
until you had nothing left,
and I still wanted more.

I suppose that is the wager we made, loving as carnivores:
knowing our love might one day devour us.
I loved you as your blood spilled over my lips
and I couldn't stop until I held your heart in my jaws.

I'm sorry I was so selfish.
I hope you can heal without me.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Nov 25

if i could ask you one more favor

a poem:

if i could ask you one more favor,
it would be this:
take me back to new york,
and bury me at the bottom of the east river,
at the edge of brooklyn,
where i felt, for one fleeting moment, like i could finally be yours
drown me under the sand, as you drowned me with hope
i want to be with that feeling forever

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Oct 26

my soul is healed but my legs are fucked

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· May 13

End of FWA vibes

Photograph of a woman lying on the ground, sprawled. She is wearing a black latex catsuit and white shoes and a form-fitting crop top. Her accessories are scattered about, including a badge, neoprene hood, and phone. The feet of a fursuiter and a pair of shoes are visible in the peripheries of the image.

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· May 6

fuck it, caged and plugged at the office

Kadie, Stray 🏳️‍⚧️@hyearna· Apr 28

some ideas

mirror selfie of a woman wearing a black latex catsuit and several large latex restraints on her limbs. the room is unfinished.

the same woman, taking a selfie in the same mirror, except now wearing a tight white crop top on top of the latex catsuit

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