James Shortridge
@jameson93
33. He/Him. Twitch moderator. Samuel Mathis on Crystal/Coeurl. Author of "Spaceman" in "Through the Aftermath: A Post-Apocalyptic Anthology" available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Support me here:
Eira: "Hey guys, sorry we're late! Did we miss any- OH, FURY, NO! NOT AGAIN!" Rey: "Run, Dove! Think of your hair and the trauma it did to your hairdresser!" Eira: "EUGH-" Rey: "AIYEE-" Eira: "I'M SO SORRY, GUISEPPE!" Rey: "That poor little fa-" [second explosion from the screen] [THE END]
[cut to the kitchen, where Eric and Andyn stand watching] Andyn: "Okay, Mr. Phoenix, very funny-" Eric: "What? I'm just enhancing their viewing experience." Andyn: "You're a right ol' bastard is what you are." Eric: "I'll add it to my list of nicknames."
[a fireball coalesces on screen, and then erupts with a very real intensity] Sam: "Whoa-" Thancred: "Twelve forfend, give a man a heart attack!" Kronke: "Lhaminn, get behind me!" F'lhaminn: "Not a bad idea." Everest: "WAH-" G'raha: "Everest?" Rora: "Wow, I can *feel* the heat prickling my balls-"
Metem, offscreen: "GOOD EVENING, SOLUTION NINE! And good evening to all watching live in our first ever intercontinental broadcast to Eorzea! TONIGHT, THE LONG AWAITED MATCH BETWEEN HOWLING BLADE AND SUGAR RIOT! LET THE MAYHEM COMMENCE!"
Everest: "GO RETSARRA!" G'raha: "Retsarra? Isn't he that rather handsome Hhetsaaro?" Rora: "Don't worry about it, Raha, he's all the way in Tural." Everest: "For now." G'raha: "What?" Everest: "Huh?" Rora: "Y'know, on second thought-" Sam: "Everyone, pipe down! Here we go!"
Sam: "The show's about to start! Hey, lovebirds, hurry up in the kitchen!" Kronke: "Wow, it looks so real!" F'lhaminn: "Kronke, dear, there's nothing on the screen yet! You're looking at Samuel's backside!" Thancred: "Which I assure you is very real."
[INT. MATHIS/WATERS RESIDENCE] Sam: "LADIES AND GAYS, BEHOLD! I GIVE YOU THE ULTIMATE IN HOME ENTERTAINMENT FROM SOLUTION 9! DEFINITION SO HIGH AND SOUND SO SURROUNDED, YOU CAN ALMOST SMELL THE ARCADION FIGHTERS AS THEY GET BLUDGEONED IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME!" #SamuelMathisWoL #TheEnsemble
Sam: "Eidith, I must confess. The person Thancred is seeing is me." Urianger, gasping: "Utter falsehoods! Master Thancred promised me from the start-" Thancred: "Hey, I've never even spoken to her!" Urianger: "Mine apologies, 'twas a creative liberty." Sam: "Why did I ask you two for help again?"
"So--let us be about it, hero." #KronkeWoL #ArdbertHylfyst #JamesonAfterDark
Sam's tattoos are from his admission into the warriors of his tribe. The big scar over Sam's left eye is from his failed duel for leadership against Cailan, and it's white because he lost sight in it as a result of the injury. The scar across the nose is from Elidibus/Zenos at Ghimlyt Dark.
Miss F'lhaminn's Kindergarten class of 2026. Aside from F'lhaminn, there are 14 different characters pictured here! See if you can guess them all? You won't win anything, but it'll be fun to try anyway, right?
Andyn: "Tell me, little mage, what is it you desire most?" Eric: "Unh-...you, master. I wish to taste you." Andyn: "Then taste me. Savor every mouthful upon your tongue." Eric: "As you wish, master." #PhoenixMage #AndynSGE #JamesonAfterDark
The face of a man who has now TWICE found out his friend has a partner by seeing their genitals upon meeting them.
Andyn: "Come back to bed, my mage, your warrior is lonely- OH, oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize-" Eric: "Oh, fire take me-" Sam: "...hello?" Eric: "Sam, this is Andyn." Sam: "I see. My, won't Cailan love to hear about this?" Eric: "Utter a word and I'll sear you black-" Andyn: "I'll get my pants-"
[MEANWHILE, IN GRIDANIA] Eric: "Thanks again for allowing me use this place, Sam." Sam: "Of course! Better than the Roost. The Adders gave it to me, but lately it's just sitting here unused." Eric: "It's the perfect place to relax in between traveling to the Eorzean nations on Cailan's behalf."
Raim: "Oh, at last, it's Ishgard's finest! Thank the Gods you're here, I'm suddenly feeling quite faint. Mayhap you should examine me for injuries?"
Raim: "Oh dear, my darlings! The Free Company house has caught fire! Everyone out! All the hot and single men, follow me!" [LATER] Raim: "Phew! Thank goodness we made it out in time, darlings! What an unfortunate turn of events! Allow me to catch my breath a moment, and I'll start giving CPR."
If you see this, post a pic from your phone without explanation! Have fun!
Happy Father's Day to all celebrating today! #SamuelMathisWoL #ThancredWaters #AlistairtheBlue #SebastianSadler #RyneWaters #Gaia
[LATER] Eira: "Wow, that was fun!" Eric: 'Yeah...got a little more intense than I expected." Eira: "Sorry about your armor." Eric: "No worries, it can be mended. Sorry about your hair." Eira: "Eh, it'll grow back." A moment of silence. Eira: "Same time next week?" Eric: "You're on." [END]
Thancred: "Sam, are we really watching two of our friends beat each other senseless?" Sam: "You got other plans today?" Thancred: "No." Rey: "I can't watch. Someone describe it to me." Urianger, sighing: "I had best prepare my strongest burn remedies for the aftermath of this titanic clash."
Eric generates a large fireball before him and throws it at Eira. It explodes on impact but, as before, she still stands but slightly charred. Eira, extra crispy: "Okay, I'm over this already. LET'S FINISH THIS!"
Mote of flame appear above Eira and suddenly explode. The smoke clears, and she still stands. Eira: "Hah! Not my first fireball to the face. Nice trick generating magic without your staff, but it won't be enough!"
Eric: "If that is truly what you desire, Lady Eira. No weapons." Eira: "It is indeed. I'm no easy win either, my friends can vouch for me. Right, guys?" Sam, Thancred, Urianger and Rey are suddenly *very* far away. Rey gives a cheer in Eira's direction. Eira: "Thanks, guys. Appreciate it."