Jill Twiss

@jilltwiss

Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.

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Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· 19d

Met these perfect little busters today. The fawn is the same size as the turkey

Two fawns and a turkey about the same size. Behind them stands a much bigger doe

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· 28d

If Sophie's Choice was about Susan Collins, Sophie would issue a strongly worded statement about the Nazis and then offer them both of her children

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· 29d

Also this is a pretty fantastic speech for a woman who just lost her husband:

Jean Carnahan said Tuesday night: "Abraham Lincoln never saw his nation made whole again. Susan B. Anthony never cast a vote. Martin Luther King Jr. never finished his mountaintop journey. My husband's journey has stopped short too, and for reasons we do not know or understand, the mantle has now fallen upon us. We remain heirs of a legacy."

"On this night I pledge to you -- rather let us pledge to each other -- we will never let the flame go out," she told supporters by speaker phone.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 8

Ok IMO this says more about how much she likes her husband than it does about his health www.thedailybeast.com/mitch-mcconn...

"The secretary was on a long-planned trip in China to support her family's philanthropic endeavors," the statement, attributed to "a spokesperson," said. "During the trip, she met with a number of people, including the US ambassador. The Senator's health did not warrant an immediate return to the
US."

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 7

Best day of my life (if this is bad for the world, please don’t tell me)

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 4

At least this in the window

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 3

also a disgruntled skunk

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 3

It also has a sassy ladybug I named Pip!

A cartoon of a girl in a mask with blue hair and ladybug spots

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 3

The tagline of my book is "Winston is in a MOOD"

an older woman in a nightgown, pearls, and curlers, holding a gun and looking furious

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 3

i finally saw the cover of my upcoming book, "Prickly", this week and I am not allowed to share it yet but I LOVE IT SO MUCH THAT I CANNOT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT so I am going to share pictures I found that are the VIBE instead

extremely poky tiny porcupine, with his mouth wide open as though he just walked in on someone naked

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jul 2

i'm tired

Minions Creator Finally Answers the "Hitler"
Question

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 30

OPINION
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
The Supreme Court
Remembers Its Principles
June 30, 2026, 12:31 p.m. ET

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 30

I just found this paragraph from a pitch I wrote in 2022, and they should have bought the show based on the phrase "ethical non-mon-dog-amy" alone

"As a fun joke, a dog named Mr. Pancakes was elected mayor of a small town. But Pancakes’ owner recently discovered this dog has an entire other family they didn’t know about. Can a Mayor who built his entire reputation as a one-family dog survive the entire town finding out about his secret life? And is there such a thing as “ethical non-mon-dog-omy”?"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 28

"Viewers treasure this underrated Christmas classic"

Amazon description of "One Magic Christmas", saying: "Viewers treasure this underrated Christmas class"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 28

This dog named Squilliam who saved his owner from a fire is killing me

a perfect black poodle in a bandana in front of a fire. The caption reads "Squilliam, Aida Kelly's 3-year-old poodle, alerted her to a fire in her house on June 19 (Aida Kelly)"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 14

Found out, as is tradition, from a spa

Today 11:32 PM
KNICKS WIN!!!!
Celebrate with $10 off your next Glowbar facial with code
KNICKSWIN - celebrate right.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 11

The phrasing here is killing me. THIS GOD AMONG MEN, WHOSE REFLECTING POOL IS TALLER THAN THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, IS SEEING THE MOST. SPECIALISTS. EVER.

headline: "Trump sees 22 medical specialists, appearing to set new bar for presidents"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 8

This is really making me laugh, which I suppose in its own way is the point www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/few...

Bill Maher will be awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, comedy's highest honor, from the least comedic group of presenters in the show's 28-year history.
Maher, 70, will be celebrated as comedy's best humorist on June 28 by a group headlined by disgraced comedian Louis C.K., former Tonight Show host Jay Leno (a previous recipient), and comedian Whitney Cummings, according to an exclusive report by The Hollywood Reporter.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 8

wait, on the red carpet he wore a different jacket over the jacket, which means he had a minimum of three jackets on tonight

Leslie Odom Jr wearing a tux with double breasted jacket, and over that an additional red jacket

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 5

Awww look at our tiny lil writing staff that has so much fun together

a promo for HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, reading: "FOR YOUR EMMY® CONSIDERATION - OUTSTANDING VARIETY SERIES
OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A VARIETY SERIES
HEAD WRITER: MASON STEINBERG
WRITERS: JIM BIEDERMAN, DAN CHAMBERLAIN, JODI LENNON, MICHAEL PIELOCIK, JILL TWISS"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 5

as long as we're doing this, i guess i'm not that excited about this part of the Platner article either

She said he kept an AR-15 lying around his apartment on Capitol

Hill, and would sharpen an ax — a relic from his time working on

the Appalachian Trail before he enlisted in the Marines - while
watching television.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 4

good a time as any to remind people I have a book coming out next year about...well, I guess a Porcupine Man

Lee Wade at Random House Studio has acquired world rights to Prickly by Emmy-Award winner Jill Twiss (l.), illustrated by Myo Yim, a humorous picture book about a porcupine who wakes up in an irritable mood but comes to realize that having a bad day doesn't justify lashing out against others. Publication is scheduled for summer 2027; Brenda Bowen at the Book
Group represented the author, and Kirsten Hall at Catbird Productions represented the illustrator.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 4

hi i'm sorry, a who

a post from KOTA territory news reading "A Porcupine man has admitted to embezzling millions of dollars from the Ogala Sioux Tribe, pleading guilty to multiple federal fraud and money laundering charges"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 3

i'm sorry. i cannot handle this. i think i have the vapors. i just coughed into a handkerchief and died.

Trump holding up a poster that reads "Our Pool Is Bigger Than Skyscrapers"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 3

Imagine being Billy Bush —of the Access Hollywood tape Billy Bushes—and thinking you should ever again weigh in on a reality star running for office

TV HOST BILLY BUSH
COMPARES L.A. MAYORAL CANDIDATE SPENCER PRATT TO BARACK OBAMA
+

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· Jun 2

I have no interest in fighting for Joe Biden, a man who is not in charge of anything and won't be. But the most? THE MOST? www.cnn.com/2026/06/02/p...

First of all, this nation's history is full of examples of politicians who considered themselves selfless and self-aware who refused to give up power, former President Joe Biden just being the most glaring example.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· May 29

Logan spells “hypaspists” which spell check claims does not exist. Sue them, Logan! Sue the hypaspists off them!

A tiny little blonde boy in a split screen with the word pronouncer

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· May 29

Tiny lil Sarv with his giant word. Give him the Stanley Cup right now.

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· May 28

The nepo-spellers are my favorite!!!

"But the Bee? There are no villains. There's no hidden immunity idols-spell wrong (or, in one section, miss a vocabulary word) and you're gone. These kids aren't old enough to create personas. The drama is real, and it is spectacular.
Previous bees have had spellers fainting, unintentional comedy routines, and even an eight-way tie (or, as the wordsmiths deemed themselves, "The Octo-Champs.") There are nepo-spellers. This year, 14-year-old finalist Zwe Spacetime is the younger brother of 2021 Bee winner Zaila Avant-garde. Has any sentence ever been more fun to type?
And the stakes couldn't be higher. My favorite story involves a speller's grandfather, who paid 1,000 people in India to pray for his grandson to win. But his grandson did not win! Did someone pay 1,001 people to pray for their grandchild to win?"

Jill Twiss@jilltwiss· May 28

I had to write about the National Spelling Bee, the best thing I watch all year. www.thedailybeast.com/why-the-scri...