Kal ⁉️

@kalx58

she/her 🔞

391 Siguiendo459 Seguidores2266 Publicaciones

Bluesky

amateur

¿Es tu perfil?Reclámalo y kalx58.dirty.social es tuyo.Reclamar perfil

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Jun 24

Hmmmm fic prompt

Screenshot of Subway Takes show of young guy saying he prefers handjobs over blowjobs

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Jun 22

🚨 fic rec 🚨 Happy Father's Day to this very hot and very funny -- and, crucially, VERY MEAN!!! :D -- f/f Heated Rivalry fic. Academic rivals + skirts + prissy girl perfect student Jane has a secret color coded excel sheet of freaky porn archiveofourown.org/works/87064321

Jane's face looks entirely neutral, focused, like she is working but—god, this is the best day of Lily's entire life. Her whole world rearranges itself around her, melting and reassembling into a scene of sunshine and rainbows and joyfully jumping dolphins and glitter and Zara Larsson singing Midnight Sun. Pretty, prissy, stuck up Jane is a fucking pervert. Which is fantastic material for two of her major interests: terrorizing Jane, and fucking Jane.

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 29

?? I feel like I see Sarah Waters books lots of places??? She's probably not hugely stocked at new bookstores because they've got divorce memoirs to sell + she hasn't written anything in while, not necessarily an anti-Welsh lesbian agenda amongst US bookstores??

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 28

(Taylor Swift singing about her boyfriend's podcast/dick voice) new heights of Daily Mail headline insanity

Daily Mail subhead reading "Fury as 'white female Mamdani' mayor who has never owned a car takes away lane of road from motorists to stop the route 8 bus ride she takes from being late")

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 27

Adding (Life-Changing) after all of my fanfic titles

YouTube video title: 20 min mobility: move like this every morning (life changing)

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 24

To wear barrel pants, you must shift from the mental framework of "Do I look like Olive Oyl" to "If I look Olive Oyl, that's actual fine and perhaps even desirable"

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 13

Long final tweet but i feel like these two grafs are a microcosm (I've famously had two beers tonight...) of What's Wrong In America lmao. Don't be a wedding planner for billionaires because they'll sue you for the equivalent of $50 to them and call you an alcoholic for making jokes

Eight months later, Nelson sued Braghin and Grijalba for his $159,000 deposit. The complaint contained the aforementioned text messages from the Real Planners chat including a joke Braghin had made about drinking tequila at the end of a long day, implying she was irresponsible on the job. The planners responded, releasing the entire chain of 1,400 messages, as well as email exchanges with Nelson, and called him a “billionaire bully.” Ultimately, they settled, and Braghin and Grijalba agreed to make a donation to relief efforts in Ukraine in Nicola and Brooklyn’s names.

Many people were shocked Nelson would sue over what was basically chump change for him, all the while exposing troves of unflattering documents. A salacious doc based on the lawsuit, Peltz Beckhams vs the Wedding Planners, was set to air on HBO Max in 2023. But before it could, according to Puck, Nelson simply called David Zaslav and had him pull it (lawyers for Nelson deny this). Litigation seems to be standard recourse for Nelson anyway. He was locked in a yearslong court battle with the Town of Bedford for permission to land his Sikorsky helicopter on his home helipad, giving up only when he lost in state court on appeal. He and Claudia are currently racking up $250 in fines a day, more than $40,000 so far,

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 13

I have said from day one I do not do google doc I have said from day one I do not do google docI have said from day one I do not do google docI have said from day one I do not do google docI have said from day one I do not do google docI have said from day one I do not do google doc

Within a few days of working with the new planners, Nicola grew increasingly agitated about the guest list. Busy filming the Hulu show Welcome to Chippendales, she refused to look at a Google doc or download Slack or any other app they wanted her to use. “I have said from day one I do not do google doc,” she wrote in the Real Planners group.

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 13

Icrediblé

Over their first 20 years of marriage, Claudia and Nelson had eight children, six boys and two girls, including two sets of twins. (Nelson once referred to the double births as “leveraging productivity.”) Nelson was a ski bum in his youth and built a full-size ice rink at High Winds,

icola, 31, is not the youngest Peltz child; her twin brothers, Zach and Greg, just turned 23. But she is the undisputed favorite, her model mother’s “mini-me” who inherited her delicate, elfin features and light eyes. She often posts an old photo of Claudia putting lipstick on her as a young girl standing in the aisle of a private jet. “The entire family revolves around Nicola. The brothers follow her everywhere,” someone who has spent time with the Peltzes told me.

“Did Megan get an invite … And Harry,” Claudia asked. “deSantis must be OFF THE GUEST LIST. PLEASE CONFIRM!” Nicola wrote. “Also david blaine is going to go around to tables on Friday night it’s for free he’s my friend.”

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 13

👩‍⚖️ abolish the girldad 👩‍⚖️

“Victoria and David love their kids. But there is a reason why Harper is always somewhere near David’s side. That picture works,” the person says. “And they know it.”

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 13

I know Florida is technically the South (aka place where it's okay for adults to say daddy) but I didn't realize they do it so freely in Palm Beach lmao

“Everybody in Palm Beach is on the Peltz side, obviously,” R. Couri Hay, the society publicist, tells me. “But I’m afraid Brooklyn may have just substituted one daddy for another.”

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 13

Are you -- an AVERAGE JOE! -- struggling with dread about the state of the world? A stressful upcoming workweek? Let me introduce you to the best medicine: this insane longread about the Beckham Peltzes billionaire drama!!!! To begin: this perfectly Oedipal intro removepaywalls.com/https://www....

It was a luxury fairy tale, perfectly planned and executed — until the vows, when the elderly rabbi called Brooklyn “David.” He stuttered and asked for forgiveness; he was a soccer fan, the rabbi said. He made the mistake only once more before the ceremony was over.

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 9

I love getting my fiber from pepsi corp

Can of prebiotic cherry vanilla cola from Pepsi

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 9

I love listening to a podcast and immediately getting adds for weight loss injections and Polymarket. I love going to the store and seeing prebiotic cherry Pepsi. I love protein popcorn being everywhere now. I love seeing Chat GPT Sephora reviews and fandom stuff

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Apr 2

Little Free Library in front of the senior center had Jean Rhys and Clarice Lispector....building cross generational bonds over some unpleasant female characters...

Tiktok of a girl advertising her top ten weird girl book releases

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 28

Her first sentence has been covered by approximately 500k words of various fanfictions

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 26

I'm not even a special edition gal but this is so lol (and depressing in terms of publisher effort/reflecting the actual book/trusting an artist with time and $$) It's like Neal Stephenson + Fourth Wing cover

Minimalist cover of Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 17

This made me lol a lot and is very accurate (an italian-german rommate once told me how in the US he had sooo many people come up to him eager to claim their 1/16 italiano ancestry and be befuddled by him asking about their family/speaking in italian)

There are few things more American than a corporation assigning you an ethnicity over email. But I am an American. It feels good to say that. Not because I’m proud to say it, but because saying it feels like a confession. My peers are all dissociating from the national narrative, sourcing identity in some form of otherness, or pretending New York City is a country. I don’t blame them.

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 17

thank you...i watched the iconic carrie-cheating-and-funky-spunk arc of SATC season 3 and i think it's helped cure me

yeah I'm having a brat summer meme with banannas rice applesauce and toast and my tummy hurts text

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 12

The concept of Waxahatchee in a Colleen Hoover movie 🧘‍♀️

The former fairs better than the latter, in terms of alluring naturalism, but both manage to find enough within stock trauma to ground what should be a plot too offensively ludicrous to function. The result is something only mildly ludicrous, made more palatable by beautiful mountain vistas (Calgary ably standing in for eastern Wyoming) as well as an Americana soundtrack – Waxahatchee, Kacey Musgraves and the like – whose earthy, potent nostalgia casts a decent spell. It needs to, for the central conflict requires a laborious suspension of disbelief: Monroe’s Kenna, recently released from prison after serving five years for vehicular manslaughter, and Withers’s Ledger spark an immediate attraction at his bar, because somehow in this year 2026, an ex-NFL player does not know what his late best friend’s former girlfriend and “murderer” (his words) looks like.

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 11

This is so interesting 2 me as a former Hairpin-daily-reader 🤓

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 4

Tags!

Kathryn Hahn cupping Connor Storrie's face while presenting at the Actor Awards (nee SAG)

Screenshot of AO3 tag list: Consensual Non-ConsentDom/sub UndertonesLight Dom/subMiscommunicationKind of a 5 + 1 for the concept of consentDirty TalkInternalized Homophobiaprobably got canon timelines wrongBlow Jobsbad communication then good communicationAngst with a Happy Endingbrief mentions of shane's food rulesExplicit Sexual ContentRape/Non-con Elements(only in the CNC roleplay)if you eat the vegetables (honest communication with your decade long situationship/unacknowledged lover) you can have dessert (noncon roleplay)spittingDegradationIntergluteal SexRough Sexvery schmoopycnc has a real inspired-by-jackass flavor (boys tussling)Face Slapping

Hudson Williams smiling with the quote Condemn me, it does not matter; history will absolve me.

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 4

Hello I have written a #hollanov fic!! --- Unpave My Path 2/2 ▪️ 9k ▪️ consenual nonconsent baby! That’s the problem. Everyone assumed consent was good. And it is, but in Ilya Rozanov’s hands, it became something else. Something twisted, something – almost evil.

Plate Number 346. Wrestling, lock
1887 by Eadweard Muybridge

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 4

it's always overstuffed imo and the penelope sideplot I didn't care about and i'm generally not a fan of any cinderella type trope/plot

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 3

Very funny to be a music fan enough to have a radio show but not know the obscure indie hit Crazy In Love

In the United States, "Crazy in Love" spent eight consecutive weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100 and received an eight-times platinum certification from the Recording Industry Association of America. Internationally, it topped the charts in the United Kingdom and Ireland and peaked within the top five in Australasia and several European countries. Music critics praised its catchy production, Jay-Z's rap verse, and Beyoncé's vocals, particularly the "uh-oh, uh-oh" hook. At the 46th Annual Grammy Awards, "Crazy in Love" was nominated for three awards and won two: Best R&B Song and Best Rap/Sung Collaboration. Rolling Stone placed it at number sixteen on their 2024 revision of the "500 Greatest Songs of All Time".

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Mar 3

My copy arrived!! I was lucky enough to read this funny! sexy! hopeful!! book early and am so proud of my friend!!

White and black cat sniffing A Fine Line by Penelope Guinn

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Feb 23

This is why I'll never ever use an AI "recipe"

Recipe blog screenshot from the Honey Roasted blog published on Nov. 16 2017: "In modern-day America, I am what they call a single mother. In Sweden, where marital status does not dictate societal standing, I would be known as, simply, a mother; in France, where women are not defined by the existence or absence of progeny, I might just be called a woman. We'll leave aside any discussion of what they would call me in the time capsule of a place that is Sicily--an ominous statement that I, as a one-quarter Sicilian, am freely permitted to make."

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Feb 20

Loved this corny post the Oakland Zoo did for her a few days ago 🥲

Instagram post of the Oakland Zoo telling Alysa Liu with striped hair we love you from the ring tailed lemurs at the zoo

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Feb 12

Saw this and it reminded me of how much fun I had writing psycho "she's-just-my-slightly-scary-objectively-hot-not-gay-FRIEND" Rey!! archiveofourown.org/works/668757...

Vintage Betty from Archie Comics panel where Betty is saying "She did it again! She topped me! Topped me! Topped me!!"

Kal ⁉️@kalx58· Feb 7

Looks like someone hasn't seen Mother!