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Alexis (Taylor’s version) (@lexistwit) · DIRTY

Alexis (Taylor’s version)

@lexistwit

Photoshoplifter. Twimmigrant. Still figuring this out. Lone survivor of @mockeree.bsky.social. linktr.ee/lexistwit

199 Siguiendo916 Seguidores349 Publicaciones

¿Es tu perfil?Reclámalo y lexistwit.dirty.social es tuyo.Reclamar perfil

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 7d

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 7d

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 10d

How I appear to my followers

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 15d

Just popping the cat on charge for the night.

A black and white tuxedo cat sphinxing on the arm of a sofa, with a power cable snaking its way up the side of the sofa and under him to the wireless charger he’s sitting on. He is a slightly strange boy but also the bestest boy, yes he is.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 16d

Same here with my Hulk pants.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 16d

What’s your sign?

A “lift with your legs” safety sign at my place of work, depicting a human figure somehow holding a giant box on the end of one arm while other hand is grasping its lower back/bottom from which are radiating lightning bolts of pain and of which the accompanying text I have photoshoplifted to say “Ooh, me piles” and previously used for an identical joke because I’ve got literally no new material and now apparently also no punctuation

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 17d

Hell no, I can’t describe this

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 21d

An even scrappier post-it/biro drawing of a cat, prone on the arm of a chair, eyes heavy, visible arm and leg dangling limply down the side of the chair.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 22d

A scrappy biro drawing on a small post-it note, depicting a cat sitting on its bottom, its whiskers ragged, eyelids heavy, a smoking cigarette hanging from its mouth and an open beer can in one paw. Don’t look too closely at its feet. They’re definitely not right. Have I done this one before?

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· 23d

Why you rarely see a snail in a top hat.

A detailed but scrappy biro doodle on a small post-it note of a snail wearing a tiny top hat, its eyestalks poking out of two holes in the top of the hat. It’s not very good but you should’ve seen the first two attempts.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Jul 5

Wolf Alice homecoming show at Finsbury Park. The stage, before the show. I’m about three rows of fortunately quite short people from the front. My feet have only got to last another seven hours.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Jun 13

This commitment to denying the existence of ‘Batman vs Superman’ is quite admirable.

A tweet by DC Film News saying “'MAN OF TOMORROW' and 'THE BATMAN: PART Il' are both officially in production. For the first time ever, Batman and Superman each headline their own movie in the same year,” accompanied by a bts photo from ‘Man of Tomorrow’. It’s a screenshot of a Google front page of a tweet. Even my degree of self-loathing doesn’t quite extend to looking at DC stuff on X.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Jun 8

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz reciting poetry (tv version, obvs)

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· May 28

Doctor title sequence from the Peter Davison era, with the episode title ‘The Garb of an Edwardian Cricketer’ - made using Andrew Blair’s generator from the quoted bleet

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· May 28

Elderly Time Lord refuses to pay porn bill: a publicity still of Jon Pertwee, wide-eyed and hands aloft, in a flowing velvet cape, but now holding up a Virgin Media bill while a glassy-eyed Ron Hayward peers over his shoulder with the air of a man whose little white lie has escalated terribly out of control

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· May 28

Me and my brothers in a few days’ time (artist’s impression). www.justgiving.com/page/christi...

A photo of three small potatoes with googly eyes on a kitchen counter. The middle one (not me) has facial hair hastily scribbled on with a marker pen. Don’t be fooled by their wide-eyed innocence. They all want your money and they’re prepared to do anything* to get it.

*make a trivial and temporary alteration to their appearance

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· May 27

One of these imminently regretful brothers is me (not pictured). Follow the link to find out why I now wear a hat, and to give some money if you like (or if you don’t particularly like but feel sufficiently pressured). www.justgiving.com/page/christi...

A screenshot from the JustGivjng page set up by my brother Christian

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· May 25

Inevitably

Original Star Trek title card, made using Josh Mayfield’s Star Trek title card generator (link in quoted post), with the title and writer superimposed over the approaching starship Enterprise. Inevitably, it is “Ed Balls” written by Ed Balls. I’m sorry.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· May 5

Ed Balls

Ed Balls

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Apr 5

Happy Easter.

The ‘Alien’ poster but it’s ‘Albumen’, the egg is a Cadbury’s creme egg with the top cracked open and the goo spilling out, the weird organic grid thing on the bottom is now a moodily lit empty big egg tray, and the tagline is - obviously - “in space no one can hear you creme”.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Apr 5

#Easter #SadnessInHisEyes

A painting of Jesus being crucified, close in on his anguished expression, but it’s a tweet by Kay of Burley dated 7 April 30 AD with the text “Sadness in his eyes”

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Mar 29

These Teletubby pelts will fetch a fortune on the black market. Donate now to help end the poaching.

A plastic laundry bin filled with microfibre mop pads in several bright colours - blue, green, yellow etc.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Mar 10

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

The good thing about such a simple recipe is there’s no need for a mess.

My tiny kitchen in the aftermath of a culinary apocalypse.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

Future me will be grateful for this unique lunchtime experience.

A Tupperware* box containing four pancakes of dubious quality, lidded and ready for me to take to work tomorrow. Out of focus in the background are two of the two halves of a lemon and a pot of black peppercorns, both of which were used in tonight’s atrocity.

*actually the box either came from
Poundland or wrapped around a Chinese takeaway

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

This cheese and marmite pancake is called “leave me alone”.

You can just imagine this one. No, worse than that.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

Spinach and feta. Yes I had a lot of spinach. I still have a lot of spinach.

It is as described. The feta is in cubes, scattered over the surface of the benighted pancake, amongst a forest of whole spinach leaves.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

This half-crispy pancake is called “heart of sadness”.

This one is severely burned on one side, like Harvey Dent.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

This spinach and scrambled egg pancake is called “a sock full of sick”.

The previous scrambled egg and spinach pancake, now rolled up on a plate. It was about the fifth one made and the first I could actually roll up.

Alexis (Taylor’s version)@lexistwit· Feb 17

So I filled it with spinach and scrambled egg.

It’s true

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