roach’s malewife

@oatmilktruther

im abs im 29 my pronouns are they/them and im just trying to be the most esoteric clown at the circus

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Bluesky

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roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

ooooh from the FIRST chapter

"You said it yourself. I look like shit. Don't I look about the right level of shit for a world where Stede's dead?"

Ed searches him. The heaviness in his hair. The gaunt edges of his face that not even the kohl can totally hide. The smear of the kohl caked in the creases around his mouth.

The haunted look in his eyes.

The logical illogic of it.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

heads up for reference to stedes canon hanging ruh roh 💀

And then they met Stede, and what a fucking insane package of whiplash crammed into that one little moment.

He was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen. Would ever see, they knew that from the second they laid eyes on him.

Beautiful, white and red, and steadily turning blue because, yeah, most beautiful thing they'd ever seen and he was already halfway to dead.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

oooooh breakup era…. but things are looking up!

But Ed's not clouded by that grief. And unclouded with it, he's willing to consider— he's willing to consider that even if Stede did leave them, maybe it's, you know, fixable, negotiable, maybe they can talk about it, maybe they can still be friends, or at least guys that drink at the same table when they run into each other at port.

(The thought of that, of just that, yeah, it makes him want to throw up his own heart until he chokes on it, but what he's rocking with right now is: absolutely fucking nothing, and also Stede thinks Ed left him, so—)

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

hehehe love this

"Fuck," the Kraken echos, jaw clenching, head tossing back. "Ed, fuck, please, are you going to, please—"

"Shhh," Ed murmurs, and then shuffles forward and sinks down.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

omggg lucius mention

Lucius, again, of course, waving his hands in a placating motion, saying, "No, noo, c'mon Ed, oh, well, Eds? Which— how do you tell each other apart? We had a system with Stede, you know, well, anyways, you know that's just how I talk. This is actually legit cute. I might gag." And there's some murmurs of agreement from the rest of the crew, a really enthusiastic, "Way cute, so true babe," from Pete.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

yayyy i love this part

And then he keeps braiding until everything is woven together, the whole length of it, all the way down to the ends. It looks fucking great. And when his hair dries, it'll come out in big princessy waves that he'll love running his fingers through, weaving them in and out, in and out, slippery slidey bits of silk.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

haha theres like 65 results for soft just in part one okay here's a nice one

"Hey," Ed starts, soft as he knows how, and then lowers the mirror, lowers the one the Kraken holds for him. Reaches up a hand to cup his jaw, says what he would need to hear in a scraped out moment like this. "Ed. Edward. You can. I can, and we're the same, you and me, we're the same."

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

no one is saying penis, can i offer you "cock"?

Angel. Oh, Ed fucking likes that one, fucking, him, an angel, Edward Teach listed among holy beings all in shimmering white just for the selfless good deed of making Stede squirm and whine on what is now two very determined fingers on a mission from god to land dead on his prostate. Ed was as good as liquid about two fingers ago, but angel has him melting through the sheets, it's sheer stubbornness that's keeping him enough together to give Stede what he wants, needs, but he does, and a few extras besides, kisses pressed to the back of his neck, nips at his earlobe, the grind of his own cock against Stede's thigh.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

ooooh can't really show more than this without getting spoil-ey but ooooh

"I read your letter," Edward says by way of explanation, flicking his gaze up to Albie Stede, and then quickly away, then slumps further back into the couch, crosses his arms over his chest.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

ooooh this is a good scene

And Ed is used to watching himself during sex. Not literally, not like this, but that hyper-awareness. How does he look, how does he sound, is he projecting the right attitude, the right amount of Blackbeard to keep his ass covered, the right amount of Ed to actually enjoy himself, does he look hot like this, desirable, does he look weak, does he sound pathetic, that knife's edge of getting what he wants and taking it.

This isn't like that.

Looking at himself now, it feels good.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

HAHAHAHA YAYYYY

And it's not like he hasn't thought about it, in the way that he sort of can't help but think about everything. Crazy shit happening in his brain, what ifs that never would and never will, but he's lived too long to count out the impossible, so he latches onto anything and everything like a burr on a good sweater, meshing in and pulling threads when it's tugged off. What if I got captured and they tortured me for information and how many fingernails would they have to pull before I— What if I ended up in prison and the only way to buy my freedom was to marry a society lady and what if she had— What if Izzy was actually my long lost uncle and then— What if I had sex with myself?

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 19d

oh my god i'm obsessed with them (edward is from the future, kraken era, ed is from the past and got separated from stede right before The Kiss)

Edward whines, like, actually, forreal, in Jackie's fucking nasty-ass bar, whines. Ed's embarrassed for himself in the same moment he feels unbearably tender, because he knows, down to the letter, exactly how Edward feels.

"Yeah, I know, I know," he says, gentle as he knows how. "But you keep going like that, you're gonna get needy, and then you're gonna have another drink, and then you're gonna get needier, and I'm no better than you so I'll follow right after, and before you know it—"

"Recreating St. Valentine's weekend of '09, but somehow worse, yeah," Edward agrees with a wet sound that's either a laugh or a sniffle, and then pulls himself the rest of the way upright. "Then what now?"

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· 25d

@serpentanddahlia.bsky.social i'm trying to make ed | blackbeard / chappell roan a canon tag on ao3

Okay, it's not the biggest come-on ever, but it's sort of the straw breaking the camel's back. Because Ed's known he wanted to fuck Stede since basically the beginning, and he'd sort of assumed Stede would be down for it the way essentially everyone alive has been down to fuck Ed if he's asked. (He's not being a dickhead here, he just means, like, statistically. He hasn't been turned down once yet. Even, one time, he was chatting up this woman, and her answer ended up being, "You know, I'm a lesbian, but I think you'd be fun to peg." And he was. And then he saw her playing Coachella a couple months later. That was a wild fucking summer.) And then Stede was really enthusiastic, and effusive, and weirdly insistent about taking care of Ed, but none of that added up to anything beyond Ed's natural charisma, Stede's good nature, and the actual job Ed was paying him to do.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· Jul 10

LOOOOOOK

pic of my forearm showing my fresh tattoo which is a lollipop like you get at a doctors office outlined in red, tilted at an angel, and dripping

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· Jul 8

alexa play thought i was dead by tyler, the creator ft schoolboy q and santigold. EXCEPT I AM NOT DEAD AND NEITHER IS MY WIP HASHTAG HAPPY WIP WEDNESDAY FROM THE ED/ED/STEDE/STEDE COLLAB GOD BLESSSS

Ed's never gotten to be in love before, and she's never really gotten to be loved before.

Like, okay, fair's fair. Her mum definitely loved her, but that was complicated for a lot of reasons and then she never really got to see Ed grow up and so did she ever really love her, you know? And then, maybe, at some point in all Ed's years, someone else felt something— but if they did, Ed never knew about it. And that just leaves—

Izzy.

Yeah, Ed and Edward have to talk about that one. And then Ed and Stede. And then Ed and Edward again. And then one time Ed and Fang, which took probably more courage on Ed's part than even telling Stede about being a woman, just to go to Fang and say that she thought that she'd been an asshole for a long time, and she wasn't trying to point any fingers, but it did seem unavoidable to conclude that it wasn't not related to her choice in first mate, and also would you mind calling her "she", and, fuck, what did Fang think?

Well, apparently, given the opportunity, Fangy does his thinking with big, all encompassing hugs that make Ed feel like she's somehow not six entire feet of the artist formerly known as Blackbeard. And then, after that, words, where he agreed that yeah, she'd been a dick, but wasn't that was what she was going for, and that's why Izzy and her got stuck to each other in the first place, but then, if that's not what she wanted anymore, he was pretty happy that he and Captain Bonnet's crew had solved the problem for her. And yes he could call her she and he thought that was pretty neat actually and good for her. And then they hugged again, and Ed went back to Edward and told her everything, and it wasn't, actually, everything, but it was a pretty big start, wasn't it?

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· Jun 22

happy father's day to 25 year old ed who is. well.

See, a secret about Ed is that, no, he doesn't get along with Hetero Jessica or Twink Aiden, but what he does have is a very specific affinity for Your Dad Tom. Something about dudes in white new balances, calmly and affably manning the grill until Ed has them bent over and sobbing really fucking works for him, and, statistically, really fucking works for Your Dad Tom.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· Jun 18

hiiiiiiiii please play w me

random fic writer questions

1. which of your fics is your pride and joy?
2. when and where do your best ideas seem to strike? 3. is there another author who inspires you to write? 4. how long do you spend editing?
5. do you use a beta reader?
6. what's your usual writing environment?
7. what's a fic you didn't expect to be popular but really took off?
8. what wip are you most excited about?
9. do you write in order or do you jump around?
10. do you outline?
11. which fic did you do the most research for?
12. would you ever accept requests or commissions?
13. is there a writing habit you wish you had?
14. what are your top three most used additional tags?
15. what are your three most popular fics by bookmarks?
16. do you make playlists for your fics?
17. what genre is easiest for you to write?
18. what's a trope you want to write but haven't written yet?
19. which fic would make the best TV show? what kind of TV show would it be?
20. do you listen to music when you write?

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· May 19

ok update they meant the first on you saved so heres that also

ed in leathers and beard from s1e4 as hes introducing himself to the crew of the revenge

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· May 19

qrt with the first edward teach you can find on your camera roll (not like i had to look further than the fourth pic lol)

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· May 11

let’s call this snippet sunday live from my ed/ed/stede/stede collab that is definitely still happening its just at…. 113k right now because we’be been busy

Ed fumbles on the bedside table, knows he left two glasses of water there, but all save one of the lamps have guttered out, and his eyes are barely open. He lands on one, hands it over to Edward with a nudge for his attention, then the other, delivered straight to his mouth and drunk down in one thirsty go. Sets the glass down, just barely, before he collapses back to the bed.

"What the fuck," Ed says. "Does sex always make us feel 90 years old? This is crazy."

"Yeah, don't think it was just the sex, mate, pretty sure it was all the emotional legwork," Edward answers back, sounding just as sleep-worn.

"Hey, watch it, Edward, you can't go getting too sensible here or I won't get to keep looking like the normal one by comparison."

Edward laughs. "You didn't happen to bring any food in here, did you? 'Cause I can't bet on getting dressed, let alone making it down to the galley in my state."

"Ugh, fuck, no," Ed starts. "Oh wait—!" He fumbles around in the drawer of the nightstand, comes up with the tin of butterscotch. Score. He pops the lid, pours a few into his own palm, and then passes the tin to Edward. "Not much, but might keep you from wasting away until morning."

Even in the dim of the cabin, Ed can see how Edward's eyes go wide, the eager way he takes up the tin. He pops a few in his mouth, hums around the taste. "Fuck yeah," he says, butterscotch marbling up his mouth. And then his eyes narrow, appraising, and then quick, liquid, spilling like silver, Edward curls up to Ed's side, tips over, and presses him down in a kiss, passes butterscotch into his mouth with his tongue.

Ed's too worn out, physically, emotional, mentally, some secret other category they only made up to start taxing out of when you hit 40, for this to go anywhere, but he moans into it, luxuriates in it, the sweet on his tongue, the sweet of Edward's tongue, the way he kisses, intense, intent, pouring in everything horrible and healed between the two of them until it dissolves with the butterscotch.

Ed finally pushes him away, gentle, gives a huff of a laugh. "We both know—"

"Yeah, we do," Edward says, and goes, though not far, just enough to plaster himself along Ed's side.

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· Feb 16

me writing editing and posting 45k in 9 days, when the working title of the doc was “please god let me type some words” because i started it after being autistically shut down the whole day and just really wanting to shake out of it

pic of a horse on a roof with the text “i will always succeed because i am insane”

roach’s malewife@oatmilktruther· Feb 14

@serpentanddahlia.bsky.social do you think theyre going to have a frank and honest discussion of feelings or just do the absolute bare minimum to transition this conversation into sex