Parody Zack Polanski
@parodyzackpolanski
Look into my eyes, don't look around the eyes... It's all about meeeeee!
One day, everyone will have always been against this. Somehow, I think lots of people are already always against me - but I'll persuade them with my magic charm! Look into my eyes!
Here's what the magical gnomes and fairies of economic reality don't want you to know: If rents went down by 20%, loads of landlords would not be able to pay the mortgage and loads rented properties would be repossessed, sold and taken out of the rental market. Polanskinomics, yeah!!!
You would not believe how strong my powers of persuasion are!
The people of Clacton deserve an MP who is honest about their finances, who is free of scandal and is not always off in studios pursuing a career as a media personality. Er, hang on...?! Whatever. It's all about meeeeee!
Once again, The Rip Off Britain Daily Mail is attacking me with unfair lies. Help me show how popular I really am: - If you love me, like and repost this post. - And, should you be one of the surely non-existent people who don't love me,... ... Like and repost this post! It's all about meeeeee!
Other politicians wait until their political journey has ended before embarking on a career in the media... But because I'm soooo amazingly committed to my ego, er, strike that, to my loyal fans, er, and smashing the state, I'm now doing my podcast on tour, in front of a paying audience.
Oh, St Caroline would like me to spend more time talking about the environment, would she?! Okey dokey, here goes: The environment is a really good thing, cos it has nice stuff like fields and trees in it. However, the very best, most brilliant and wonderful aspect of the environment is meeeeee!
Listen up Burnham, these are my demands: 1) Declare the war on Gaza as being genocide or I'll refuse to work with you. 2) When you receive my demands and say, "Who? The 'hypno tits' guy?" and laugh, I will refuse to work with you. 3) Unless you accept my magnificence, I will not work with you.
Look into my eyes, don't look around the eyes, you're under!
When I say "Proportional Representation", what I'm really saying is that our current electoral system is terribly over complicated. According to my new plan, to radically simplify choices for voters, there would only be one candidate on the ballot. Can you guess who it will be?! Meeeeee!
Anyone who thinks Kemi would make a better Prime Minister than me is clearly deluded and probably part of the gammon Daily Mailerati. Grrrr! I'm so angry I might even pay my council tax! It's all about meeeeee! uk.news.yahoo.com/andy-burnham...
Further to my post from earlier today: Perhaps heatproofing for every home that needs it might be a tad expensive, given that pretty much every home in the UK is, er, in some way vulnerable to the sun's heat. Sorry if I've been talking nonsense. It's a bit hot today. Er... It's all about meeeeee!
That's true! 🤣 Here's a photo of me that is definitely real. I'm on stage doing my one-man hypnosis extravaganza, about to make this lady's mammalian protuberances a tantalising 34 DD!
It really, really, really, really is all about meeeeee!
On the day Starmer is rumoured to be resigning, let's remember the most important thing in our lives: Meeeeee!
My team of advisers is much better than Andy's. They include: - Owen Jones (keeping it real and full of class tension) - Lots of DJs and night club owners (who let me in for free and give me a "big shout out") - Trotter's Independent Council Tax Advice (a superb family-run business)
Absolute chancers? It takes one to know one! It's all about meeeeee!
I have always believed that unity within a Party is essential. And that is why, not content with already being the de facto leader of Labour's Momentum, er, sorry, Greens Organise, I have now created yet another way to split the money and resources of Green Party supporters! It's all about meeee!
What the international left can learn from me: - how to make women's breasts larger through the power of hypnosis - how to falsify a curriculum vitae - how to adore yourself like you're the finest political mind of the 21st century And they can also learn that it's all about meeeeee!
"We must stop being in hock only to the bond markets." so I'm thinking about adding farmers markets and Christmas markets to the list. Bold Politics, right?!
Just me, posting about the cruel and totally unjustified media conspiracy against my magnificence yet again! All these attacks are becoming so common, it won't be long before some of my fans claim they are a false flag operation!
The country has heard enough from me, says whole country. ("too long"? I'm a literary critic, as well, now, am I?!)
Pick a Bond villain from photos you already have on your phone.
Hmm... Makerfield... Come to think of it, although it's not featured on my CV, I was once a Senior Assistant to Makerfield's Lord Mayor, so I can probably count on the local's support in a by-election. I wonder what my slogan should be...?!
Look into my eyes, don't look around the eyes, you're under! Ffs, who hasn't accidentally avoided paying thousands of pounds in council tax on a cushy second home? Anyway... Er... When you wake up, you'll say I'm not as bad as Farage and his £5m or else! And you're back in the room!
I'm still waiting to hear if I was at Hillsborough, just like Paul Nuttalls from Ukips.