This is exactly why Charli xcx is THE artist of our time and in this essay….

How it feels buying groceries now

Technically, it was ten years fighting in the war, three years lost wandering aimlessly, and seven years getting high with Charlize Theron. That last part is really relatable. I mean, who among us wouldn’t?

Five shows to get to know me: 🙃Stranger Things 🌹RWBY 💜Violet Evergarden 🗡️ She-Ra and the Princesses of Power 🥋Cobra Kai

@sashacurves.bsky.social could make an incredible movie about the Sex Purge with a budget of her standard commission rates, but even with $200 million Will Gluck could never make something as good as Mommy With Benefits. ☕️

I don’t know what to tell you, man I follow a lot of NSFW accounts on here, including several of my favorite porn actors. The only reason I’m not more openly horny is because most of my mutuals just wanna talk about Star Wars and Fire Emblem, but I assure you my freak flag is ready to fly.

I hate to be that “I liked popular thing or person before it was popular” guy, but literally fucking me! I have been saying that Robert Pattinson is a fantastic actor since 2010. I have been preaching it at every possible opportunity. I always knew this would be his fate.

Can I get a fuck yeah?! 🌹❄️🐈‍⬛🌻

And speaking of The Thomas Crown Affair, the remix starring and directed by Michael B. Jordan just dropped a trailer! I am so excited for this, it might be my most anticipated movie of next year. I hope they fuck nasty in this one too. 😩

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999). A full on sex montage of Pierce Brosnan and Renée Russo fucking on the floor, on the stairs, on the table, Russo pours vodka all over him while he’s eating her out and then he throws her over his shoulder and she spanks him, and more. This scene has everything!

I know he wasn’t in it much, but it’s pretty cool that they not only got a black actor with albinism to play the role, but also the same actor who did the voice of Tombstone in Into the Spider-Verse. I hope they bring him back for more.

I sometimes wonder if the real reason things make all of the money in the world right out the gate is because people just don’t wanna be fucking spoiled. I’ve had like two different friends who couldn’t see it opening week tell me that Spider-Man was spoiled for them.

Not me, but my ex-wife wanted her tubes tied cause we didn’t want more kids (yes I did get a vasectomy). Doc refused cause *I* might change my mind. When she assured him I won’t he said we might divorce and her next husband could want kids. A hypothetical man had more say over her body than she did.

It’s pretty cool how teenage me thought Kara Zor-el and Peter Parker were really relatable teenagers like me, and now I get to see movies about them being bitterly depressed 20 somethings. I’m in my late 30s but I remember my 20s well enough. That and you’re never too old to be miserable. 😅😭

If there’s polyam in this game, I will never emotionally recover. 😭

I feel this deep in my soul.

I have already decided that the woman with guns is my favorite new character. I am going to marry the gun fighter girl if the game lets me. 

Next time they make one of these games I’m just doing an Internet blackout. I was trying to go into this game blind like I was fortunate enough to do with Three Houses. This is also on Nintendo because why the fuck would you reveal this in the trailer?! 😭

Alright, I was able to move up my timetable a little bit, so I’m seeing Spider-Man tonight. And a week from today I’m seeing I Want Your Sex. Which I was afraid might not show in my area, but it is that one of the smaller theaters! Going to the movies fucking rocks.

“I feel so lucky to feel so inspired.” - Charli xcx Happy birthday to the pop music queen and party girl goddess. 🖤💚😎

Icons! Queens even!! I love them both so much! 🥹👑

Oh hell yeah!

Fuck Harry Potter. Go watch or read porn instead… no really, I promise it’s better for you. And be sure to tip or subscribe to the sex worker who brings you joy. Especially if they make videos or literature on that niche taboo kink of yours. Yes, that one. The one you just thought about.

I’m seeing Spider-Man on Thursday, which is the soonest I can. I’ve already made my piece of the fact that I’m going to be hit with some spoilers and already have been, but I would appreciate it if some of y’all could at least attempt to reign it in a little. Some of us work weekends.

“Video games make people more violent!!” Me: straight up crashes out whenever I accidentally pick a mean dialogue option and hurt an NPC’s feelings. 😭

I said awhile back that I suspect Supergirl was deliberately given a bad release date with the intention of it failing so WB could justify not making anymore movies about women. It was intended as a cynical joke, but I’m starting to think I was onto something.

Few movies bring comfort and hope quite like the 1950 animated classic that is Cinderella.

The influence of Charli xcx cannot be overstated. 💚😎

I relate to Genesis on a deep emotional level. None of my homies understand the artistic significance or the sheer beauty of Cinderella like I do, and I will make the world pay for it! 😤

Bombed at the box office but grossed $1B in my heart 🖤 Supergirl, my beloved! No one will ever convince me this movie isn’t at the bare minimum equal to Superman 25, and I choose to believe the passage of time will be kind to this gem of a movie.