Ron Sparks

@ronsparks

Officially Canada's best comedian with dangly bits in the year 2012. #CBC #NBC #JFL #Debaters #MTV #MuchMusic #CTV #Stratford #22Minutes #Beaverton #NationalPost #GlobeAndMail 13x #CCA winner & former grade 6 floor hockey MVP

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Ron Sparks@ronsparks· 29d

Death isn't stalking Mitch McConnell... It just talked with him for 20 minutes.

The Grim Reaper is on a walking date with sexy 164 year old Senator Mitch McConnell when he gets his head turned by the shapely - though 100% heterosexual - Lindsey Graham, who was only 71 years old. No for real that old man was just 71!

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· 29d

Lindsey Graham just had a 20 minute conversation with Mitch McConnell.

Anthropomorphic Kentucky turtle Mitch McConnell glares at his next meal, the closeted gelatinous protein blob that answers to the name "South Carolina Senator Lindsey Olin Graham."

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jul 8

Just spoke with Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes, and he thinks the New York Yankees can turn their season around with a calculated, analytical approach geared toward optimizing roster dynamics and defensive flexibility, combined with an analytical audit and bullpen restructure.

An especially vivacious Mitch McConnell, who is definitely awake, alert and 100% not in a coma or dead.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jul 1

What's MAGA's deal with bedsheets? They wanna cover the Statue of Liberty with 'em, wear 'em to Klan meetings... One of them must be making a fortune selling bedding.

In a YouTube promo pic, Mark Lindell is selling MyPillows and white Giza cotton sheets for huge discounts in front of a US flag.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 30

Happy 250th birthday, America! Hope you like Nazi crap! - Donald J. Trump

Picture of a golden Nazi eagle statue with ties to Adolf Hitler that kind of resembles the one on the front of the White House Donald Trump calls a great gift for America on its 250th birthday.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 24

Need proof that Canadians are among the world's most polite people? Check out this new Pew poll: 20% of 🇨🇦 still pretends to have a positive view of Donald Trump, just so we don't hurt his feelings! Follow 🔗 to see how badly Trump's doing in the eyes of the 🌍 www.pewresearch.org/global/2026/...

New Pew poll showing how every nation's opinion of the United States has fallen since Donald Trump took office.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 21

Guys, I'm not sure how he got in my house but John J. Cafaro just woke me up and keeps whispering "I'm here for the 'pool job'" while nudging me with his elbow... Is this normal? bsky.app/profile/rons...

"I'm here for the pool job," says John J. Cafaro, pictured here after getting drunk off of one glass of Zima.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 20

So sad to see they've fallen on such hard times. At least they'll be eating cheaply.

Costco's famous $1.50 hot dog and Pepsi combo, which former TV stars Bryan Cranston (Raising Miranda) and Aaron Paul (Tron: Uprising) have been reduced to living off of as they cohabitate in a Whirlpool dishwasher box under a nearby overpass. What brought them to this? Meth addiction. (They are method actors.)

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 20

Every time Stephen Miller calls someone ELSE "weird, strange, bizarre and unelectable," a rat-like demon gets its puny, flaccid wings. #Miller #DHS #uspoli #Talarico #Texas #DC #TX #Homeland #GOP #MAGA #ICE #FBI #WhiteHouse #StephenMiller #Trump #Senate #Congress #filibuster

Stephen Miller says he's not sure if Talarico is a man, then a bunch of other gross stuff I'm not even going to bother copying down. He sucks.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 20

Looks like you're gonna need some vacuum seal bags.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 19

9) Despite "knowing nothing about the car business" he bought Avanti convertibles in 1987 with financial assistance from the state of Ohio; under his watch Avantis were plagued by - wait for it - water leaks; only 405 were made in his 4 years as owner. www.chicagotribune.com/1989/06/11/a... [5/5]

John J. Cafano holds a press conference to answer reporters' questions, such as: "You're the pool guy Trump gave $14 million?" and: "No, seriously?!"

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 19

7) Defying science, JJ Cafaro failed to flush the reflecting pool's pipes and simply painted it Trump's hand-picked "American flag blue" (aka pool blue) 8) FUN FACT: The same kid who applies Donald Trump's Cheetos brand spray tanner also applies the shoe polish to John J. Cafaro's hair [4/5]

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 19

6) Predictably "on the nose" for a Trump henchman, John J. Cafaro looks like the Penguin if he were played by Nathan Lane. (Or, for you older folks, a Dick Tracy villain as played by Oliver Hardy.) [3/5]

Nathan Lane starring on Broadway as The Penguin. Not pictured: his spats. (Actually though, it's Trump's "pool guy" J.J. Cafaro.)

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 19

Let's get to know John J. Cafaro, the pool company owner given a $14.2 million NO BID contract to clean DC's reflecting pool: 1) Ohio lobbyist twice convicted for bribery; sentenced to jail, probation & massive fines 2) Cafano got > 7x Trump's quoted job estimate despite bad work ($1.8m) [1/5]

As usual, younger women at Mar-a-Lago simply cannot keep their hands off of obese cartoon villain John J. Cafaro, aka Donald J. Trump's pool guy.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 19

Yeah but when it comes to shrieking misspelled curse words in all caps on social media, and speaking in broken English despite coming to America on an "Einstein visa" three decades ago, NOBODY tops Donald and Melania Trump!

Melania Trump contemplates running to escape her husband, rumoured half-lizard Donald J. Trump, pictured here shortly after pooping himself.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Jun 19

There's art, and then there's fine art, and then there's "man with two hotdogs (2026)"

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 25

Has Kid Rock ever put out "music" in the first place? (Other than repackaging hits by Lynyrd Skynyrd, Warren Zevon and Metallica.)

Picture of untalented musician Kid Rock's 93 year old father, dressed up as Sheriff Lobo and drunk on NyQuil, with the caption: "Kid Rock says he will not put out any more music if the Democrats win the house during midterms."

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 14

Even without updates it's obvious Ukraine has the upper hand when Defense Ministry staff are casually dropping statements like "shitty Russia will burn!" The Ukrainians aren't just confident - they know the damned future. Slava Ukraini! 🇺🇦💪🇺🇦👍🇺🇦🍻🇺🇦

Ukrainian defense staff member's post saying in part: "The shitty Russia will burn. More and more."

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 11

Gavin Newsom's plan would provide 40 million diapers (400 free nappies for every baby born in California this year) for $6.2 million. To put that # in perspective: that's enough diapers to keep Donald Trump's fudgy mud-butt covered for almost two whole rounds of golf.

The New York Post says Gavin Newsom's $20 million diaper deal has been torn apart with shocking figures and is peak stupidity.
Gavin Newsom replies saying: "This is false. MAGA and the NY Comic Book are once again spreading lies. FACT: It's a $6.2 million contract not $20 million. FACT: it covers 40 million diapers in year one (about 15.5 cents per diaper not $0.50 as claimed). FACT: Baby2Baby was chosen through a rigorous competitive procurement process. It is a national non-profit based in California with strong experience in delivering diapers for families in need and in the last 15 years they have distributed over 300 million diapers to families in need across the country. This program is a game changer for new moms providing 400 free diapers for all newborns. Why is MAGA anti-family? It's sick!"

Manipulated photo of Donald Trump golfing, made to look at though he soiled his pants on the course.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 8

Well, if you're already paying $8.05 for "regular," you might as well chip in another four cents for "supreme."

Chevron gas station in Los Angeles showing gas prices are now $8.05 for Regular, $8.07 for Plus, and $8.09 for Supreme.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 8

The wheels are still falling off at Tesla - only now, literally. Most embarrassing for Elon Musk though, this recall only covers 173 rear-wheel drive Cybertrucks, because that's all they've sold. Woof!

Screenshot from The Verge with a picture of a Tesla cybertruck, reading: "Tesla is recalling its cheaper cybertruck because the wheels might fall off. All 173 of the rear-wheel drive. Cyber trucks sold by Tesla are being recalled."

#elonmusk #tesla #recall #cybertrucks #elon #musk #business #economy #automobiles #businesssky #doge #maga #cars #billionaire #cheap #unsafe

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 8

Sorry Kyle Rittenhouse, but that spider also has the right to carry - and it lives in a Stand Your Ground state too.

NBC News Post with a picture of Kyle Rittenhouse wearing sunglasses and standing in front of a US flag, saying: "Kyle Rittenhouse, who gained fame for opening fire at a 2020 civil rights rally in Wisconsin, was hospitalized after he was bitten by a venomous spider, the noted firearms enthusiast says."

#USpoli #US #ICE #guns #dhs #kristi #noem #trump #fbi #kash #patel #nra #firearms #constitution #kylerittenhouse #politics #rittenhouse #shootings

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 7

I like FBI Directors who don't always look like they just accidentally sat on a bike with no seat.

FBI Director Kash Patel looking stunned, as usual.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 5

May the 5th be with you! (Am I doing this right?) Happy Cinco de Mayo Star Wars Day from me, Obi-Juan and his piñAT-AT.

A Mexican version of Obi-Wan Kenobi named Obi Juan Kenobi wears a sombrero and hits a pinata with a Star Wars lightsaber. The pinata is shaped vaguely like an AT-AT from The Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi.

#StarWars #CincoDeMayo #MayThe4th #ATAT #ICE #MayTheFourth #ObiWon #ObiWan #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourthBeWithYou #MayThe4thBeWithYou #Mexico #Mexican

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 4

Nothing to see here. Just the sitting President of the United States bragging about how the GOP is openly rigging the upcoming midterms with the tacit assistance of the Supreme Court. AGAIN. And still, no one in government is doing a thing to stop any of it. "So much winning!" #trump #potus #maga

Donald Trump's Truth Social post saying:

"We cannot allow there to be an election that is conducted unconstitutionally simply for the convenience of State legislatures. If they have to vote twice, so be it. We should demand that state legislatures do what the Supreme Court says must be done. That is more important than administrative convenience. The byproduct is that the Republicans will receive more than 20 house seats in the upcoming midterms. President Donald J. Trump."

# SCOTUS, elections, Democrats, Schumer, House of Representatives, Senate, Congress, Impeach, Impeachment, Washington DC, Capitol Hill, Louisiana, LA, gerrymander, gerrymandering, cheat, cheating, midterms, federal, state, states

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 2

These are stressful times with wars raging and the economy cratering, but DON'T WORRY. Donald Trump is doing just fine, golfing on US taxpayers and unveiling 15-ft. tall golden statues of himself. #Dorval #PGA #tour #golf #sportssky #trump #potus #pgatour #sports #golfing #gold #melania

Instagram post showing a new 15 foot tall golden statue of Donald Trump at his Dorval good course in Miami, Florida.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· May 2

She'd actually love what Mom picked out. Her favourite colours too.

Beautiful flowers for a beautiful person.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Apr 30

BREAKING: Senator Tim Scott suffers massive head trauma, also high on crack, also insane

Graphic showing How Biden's worst inflation approval was -43 points, while Donald Trump's current inflation approval is -49 points.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Apr 25

The US Navy's food portions may be small - but at least it looks delicious!

Service members on board the USS Abraham Lincoln share photos of the meals on their mess deck, which are very small and unappetizing slash kind of gross. Reports indicate they are not getting enough food or supplies during their Iran War missions.

Ron Sparks@ronsparks· Apr 25

Don't worry. As soon as he signs his winnings over to Donald Trump, he'll get a full pardon.