Sheena
@sarky-sheena
Clumsy, underachiever, occasional drunk, goes to pets at home for a cheap day out.
I’m usually quite good at Maths but even I can’t work out this stool to table ratio.
Imagine giving your dog mouth to snout then realising he was just asleep the whole time. FFS Linda, that’s the third time this week.
When you have to commentate the rugby at 8pm but have the washing up to do at 10pm.
It’s my birthday and I’ve been spoilt this morning, with *checks notes* half a cup of tea. Because according to my ten year old, you can have too much of a good thing.
“No cunnilingus today, Darling, that’s scheduled for Monday after University Challenge”
I was looking through the visitors book in the church. Fuck off Nigel, you c*nt.
When you leave the hairdressers and google the definition of ‘trim’ because you’re sure that’s what you asked for.
That one colleague at work, who always looks busy but is achieving nothing.
One day you’re young and cool, the next, you’re bagging up your vitamins into little drug dealer bags.
I’m not sure what lead to this, but AliExpress is recommending me a treatment so I can look like Teen Wolf.
I asked my daughter what she was looking at, she pointed to the roof and said “I’m looking for Uranus” I’m so proud of her.
When you’re playing Monopoly with your cow and find it sneaking money from the bank.
Six years single, I don’t think there’s any come back from this. If you need me, I’ll be hanging about outside the cat shelter.
I got a free Sports Direct Mug with my order. Now I have to fill it with wine to see how much this unit holds.
Dunelm putting in a solid 10%. “You said you wanted it painted, you didn’t say all over”
Unfortunately, as I forgot to pencil on my eyebrows today, it means I’m going to have to find another way of letting people know that I am shocked.