☀️ Jon Schwarz ☀️
@schwarz
☀️ The most important thing to understand about politics is that Head Monkey Good, Not Bad. Stop saying Head Monkey Bad. ☀️
Everybody, there's an exciting new NY organization called the Juno Fund. It was founded by young Democratic women and is full of dynamic activists devoted to making sure no one criticizes their uncle for committing genocide. archive.is/YLulE#select...
I was excited about joining the Illuminati until I learned I wouldn't get to sell my soul. I've been trying to monetize that thing for so long.
This is funny because I once sent Scott Galloway something I'd written & he never responded but used some of my jokes without credit on CNN & his podcast. UC professors don't get to plagiarize the work of other people, but I guess if you're on the Board of Regents the sky's the limit.
Obviously there's no way to make a "historically accurate" version of a myth, but it's funny to imagine Musk making an honest effort & ending up with a movie when the men are 5'5", have terrible teeth, speak a language no one today understands & are constantly dying of diphtheria
The US foreign policy establishment assassinates so many people they can't even be bothered to spell their names correctly
The naive will tell you American Indians engaged in their savage attacks on US citizens because we were stealing their land. But in reality the Indians were motivated not by any of our supposed "sins" but by pure bigotry and antiwhiteism. Sitting Bull himself admitted, "I hate all white people."
You have to assume everyone around Trump is corrupt in every way imaginable, you'd be a fool not to be
my favorite example of this genre was when the CIA WMD report described the Saddam Hussein regime in ways that exactly described the Bush administration
Obviously John Hannah is right about Iran. But it takes a lot of moxie for someone from the George W. Bush administration to criticize someone else for launching a "war based on fatally flawed assumptions." www.nytimes.com/2026/07/14/u...
I'm interested in the quirk of human cognition displayed here. These are just two normal-looking middle-aged guys, but whenever we hate others, they appear ugly (physically and morally) to us.
Don't cry because you didn't get to murder every poor person on earth, smile because you got to murder lots of them
First McCain, then Lieberman, and now Graham: The Three Amigos, bound together by their mutual love of murdering people around the globe, are all dead themselves
Washington Post tells us Ari Emanuel's father belonged to the Irgun but just calls them "a Jewish underground militia" rather than "a terrorist organization that carried out the Deir Yassin massacre" washingtonpost.com/politics/202...
It's always true that anyone who's constantly shrieking about how much they love America actually hates most Americans
As Ayatollah Khamenei Sr. is buried, recall how this former US ambassador to Lebanon & top Blob member described Khamenei: He was so paranoid he misunderstood America & thought we were out to get him. Thank god we killed him! brookings.edu/articles/the...
We'd have lost the American Revolution without the support of Louis XVI, who wanted to fuck with his imperial rivals the British. Then the French were so inspired by our revolution that they overthrew & guillotined Louis XVI. I like to think that gave George III a good chuckle.
I used to think that when global warming begins to truly bite and there are blackouts and mass deaths, it would be blamed on Muslims or single black women. But I guess they're just going to go with generic "communism."
In one of the funniest wrong calls of history, John Adams predicted 250 years ago that July 2 would be celebrated as "the most memorable epocha in the history of America." He was excited by a short resolution, now totally forgotten, approved by the Continental Congress on July 2.
Both your dog and your cat will eat you if you die and you're undiscovered for days, but only your dog will feel guilty about it. (Pictured: Your cat sleeping peacefully after eating you.)
If terrorists are willing to put in this much work, honestly they deserve to win
The funniest thing about Bill Maher's old show Politically Incorrect is that the first time he was *truly* politically incorrect the show was canceled
It was good to see Bill Maher getting the Mark Twain Prize at the Kennedy Center on Sunday night. If there's anything Mark Twain was about, it was an unfunny hate-filled misogynist love of imperial violence.
This one sneering tweet somehow explains and encapsulates everything about how corporate Democrats managed to lose to Donald Trump twice
may have to rethink getting my entire political worldview from John Hinkley
Alexander Hamilton wrote that Americans were "indebted" to the "courage" of Haitians during the Haitian Revolution, because it forced France to sell its huge North American territories to us. It's a long way from there to Megyn Kelly's hateful stupidity.
Not sure about this one, The Hateful Eight came out during the presidency of Barack Obama
It's a huge deal in NYC and national Democratic politics that all of Mamdani's endorsees won today. But I stand by my unpopular opinion that so few people vote in primaries & even general elections that they don't tell you much of anything about what Americans think. theintercept.com/2022/06/20/e...