Juliet Brando

@sliderulesyou

Writer. Artist. Abominatrix. This is a place of comedy, cats, and silliness, with occasional hand-made imp-based jewellery and oddities.

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Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· 28d

Colleague is hogging the laptop.

Little tuxedo cat stretched out across the sofa, with her white belly on my closed laptop.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Jul 1

Meta, please stop suggesting fucking about with my art with AI.

My painting of a gull from ten years or so ago, popping up on my Facebook with Meta saying "Juliet, try new AI creation tools" and "make this look 3D animated"

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Jun 24

Just posted this on a Facebook group by mistake.

Me: He's a circling drain of funded think tanks.

Also me: Oh shit, wrong place, as Facebook refreshed as I was writing. Not deleting as in the middle of a heatwave and it's 3:30ak, so I'm leaving it up for speculation as to what I was referring to.

Me again: it wasn't spider-related though.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Jun 11

My writing partner, snuggled behind the laptop.

Foreground is the top of the laptop screen, with a little tuxedo cat peeking over the top with one eye, the rest of her sprawled on animal print cushions.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Jun 2

Made a new polymer clay atrocity.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 27

Tony Blair, emerging once again to give you some unsolicited bad advice.

That Vigo guy from Ghostbusters 2: a large mural of an old bloke in a burning hellscape. He looks just like the ageing Blair, with haunted eyes, receding, longish grey hair, and a suit of armour, hands on hips like a smug wraith

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 22

THE NAME'S BONK. NOSEY BONK.

Polymer clay atrocity, around the size of a Ken, but it's '70s television cryptid, Noseybonk as James Bond. He's a guy in a tuxedo, his face is a ghastly white mask with a long nose and protruding cartoon eyes, beige wool hair, and a rictus grin.

Same as last pic, but another angle. Around the sides of his mask are blood and human skin, as if it's somehow grafted on.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 19

Polymer clay atrocity progress: "Ah, Mister. Bonk, I've been expecting you."

Polymer clay statue of masked 1970s cryptid, Noseybonk, in a James Bond tuxedo, with his yellow string hair slicked back. He's half-painted in a black suit, with a white, phallic, big-nose face and, as yet, blank white eyes.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 17

Some of you probably realised what would happen after I posted this last night. Of course I had to start building a polymer clay atrocity. How could I not?

My post:

Figure in a tuxedo appears in silhouette:

THE NAME'S BONK.

NOSEY BONK.

Polymer clay atrocity: about the size of a Barbie, part formed, black suit trousers with a crease, white shirt with buttons and bowtie, no arms or jacket yet, horrific long cartoon nose face, with a rictus grin and blank eyes.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 16

Political thread: Quiet night in with my girl, working at the laptop with her by my side. I love how she cuddles her cat toys to go to sleep, like they're her teddy bears. She never mauls them, except for the ribbons on a stick...

Little tuxedo cat asleep on a tiger print sofa, cuddling a cat toy shaped like a blue bee or something with a yellow face.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 13

I don't know how much time she has left since her diagnosis. It might be months, but I'm devoted to every moment with her. Also, in other news, Farage is a grifting bullshitter.

Little tuxedo cat, sleeping, with her pink nose pressed into her pink toe beans, her limbs in a bunch.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 11

I know it's petty and ridiculous, but sometimes you just want to reply to a Reform troll at their level. Don't judge me. It's nearly 3am and life has been tough.

Reform troll: Thursday was a bad day if you have blue hair, a nose ring and a cock in your knickers (and a load of stupid emojis I didn't bother paying attention to)

Me: you have grey furniture with door knockers on it for no reason.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 2

My little girl listening to her bedtime Terry Pratchett story. She likes routines, and depends on them - insists on them. They make her feel safe. There will always be the nature/nurture debate about what makes humans neurodivergent, or anything else we are...

Little tuxedo cat sitting up, staring up, full attention. My knee in jeans in the foreground

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 1

Polymer clay Egyptian Goddess latest. Her base layer of paint is on.

A woman with wings, kind of phoenix shape, sits on a rectangular base. Her body is kind of green-gold. She wears a braided wig. Everything is mostly metallic green .

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· May 1

I can't sleep when it's a full moon and my brain is loud, even with a cold and the most bloodshot eyes that ever shot blood. Stayed up all night with my little cat, and waited for sunrise. This is what Hastings does at this sunrise when May happens. Hundreds upon hundreds of us.

Sun rising through trees. Some people to the left, mainly in silhouette, taking photos

Hundreds of people through brambles. Sea behind them. A model giant in the middle, shaped like a witch called Hannah.

Me in the foreground, a selfie. My face has green paint with black round my bloodshot eyes. My hair is short and messy, kind of blues and purple-pink. Crowds dance behind me in a field, with a bit of castle above them

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 30

Another polymer clay Egyptian Goddess is manifesting around a wire frame.

Black polymer clay woman shape, or thereabouts, arms raised, seated on a flat clay black box. Her features, body and head, are yet to emerge. At the ends of her wrists are twisted wire

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 29

She is so perfect.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 27

My little girl listening to her Terry Pratchett bedtime story tonight. Sometimes the realisation that her time is so limited hurts me like a physical pain, something dark and heavy in my veins that slows my words and dims my eyes...

Beautiful little tuxedo cat smiling, on a grey platform, in front of a stylised pink and black wall mural that says "Pussy Palace"

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 24

My Lady, listening to her Terry Pratchett bedtime story earlier. She seems a lot more like herself now. (I haven't really talked about it on here, but she's in palliative care now - no more operations, just keeping her as happy as possible. She is my heart.)

Little tuxedo cat sprawling across a not great beige carpet, in front of my jeans knees. She has operation shaved bit on her middle section.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 23

Happy St George's Day.

Polymer clay George from Rainbow: little pink hippo dude with pink eyelashes, a blue crop top, crocs, and hotpant jorts.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 20

Teal.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 19

Finished polymer clay abomination. "I have looked upon all the universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me." - HP Lovecraft

Cthulhu, except it's Mr Blobby, with pink skin and yellow spots, shining green eyes, black eyelashes, wings, a tentacled face, red snout, and seal shaped body and flippers

Blobby Cthulhu from another angle, in direct sunlight

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 17

Today I learned, as I curled into a rotted husk. She was 43. Harold was 47.

Madge and Harold from Neighbours, with the text: Just letting you know, if you were born before 1982, you are now older than Madge Bishop when she joined Neighbours... Have a great day!

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 17

Tiny Niece was singing an impressive rendition of Starman by David Bowie earlier, after having washed her face with this:

Little flannel mitten with a picture of a yellow star with a face, paddling an inflatable boat.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 16

Polymer clay Rainbow lads, ready for a big night out.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 11

How's your mental health, Juliet? Me: it's twenty to six in the morning and I'm doing base coats on these guys.

Polymer clay figures of Bungle and George from vintage children's TV show, Rainbow. Bungle is a bear in a leather harness. George is a pink hippo with a crop top and short jorts and Crocs. Their base colours are painted.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 10

Polymer clay George and Bungle, pre-paint.

George, Bungle and Zippy, characters from childhood TV show, Rainbow, but slutty. George is a hippo with false eyelashes, wearing a crop top and hotpant jorts. Bungle is a bear, wearing a leather BDSM harness and nipple ring. They are plain black, not yet painted. Zippy is painted and varnished. He's a zip-mouthed yellow cryptid in a latex catsuit.

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 8

If any younglings ask about life in the '90s, get them to watch "This Life" on iPlayer. It's like a time capsule, buried precisely 30 years ago in the Blue Peter garden-

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Apr 1

Sekhmet in sunlight.

Polymer clay Sekhmet: Egyptian Goddess with the head of a lioness and body of a seated woman, metallic green-black-gold skin, gold sun disc crown

Juliet Brando@sliderulesyou· Mar 31

Oh no, autocorrect. OH NO!