The Needling
@theneedling
Seattle's Only Real Fake News (Satire/Parody) Have a hot headline tip? Send it to Submit@
Adorable New Video Shows Moment Jimothy Escaped Henry Mural as a Baby: tinyurl.com/3cypjstc
Family That Left Food Out on Porch for St. Jimothy Wakes Up to Yard Full of Presents: tinyurl.com/3sttt5nz
Whole Nation Misses President’s Speech Because Jimothy: tinyurl.com/2tp3na55
Seattle Mourns Starbucks as Old Locations Fill with Infinitely Better Coffee and Pastries: tinyurl.com/bp797hn2
“This guy was sick—he would get paid to hunt the most lovable, hardworking innocent people you’ve ever heard of on their way to work and take them out in broad daylight,” said the ICE agent. tinyurl.com/4s7r54ye
Sen. Cantwell Assured Her ‘Love My Bibi’ Tramp Stamp Still Okay: tinyurl.com/2426e8be
GOP Says Mitch McConnell Still Alive, Just Butterfly Now: tinyurl.com/4c53yrfj
Perfect Weather Ruins US Men’s World Cup Team Loss: tinyurl.com/3awjy26f
Leftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being Ashamed of Country for 4th of July: tinyurl.com/mrx7hvup
Man Waving Pride Flag Like Wand at Egypt-Iran World Cup Match Accidentally Turns Both Teams Gay: tinyurl.com/ycxhuuxf
Gates Regrets Ties to Sex Offender He Thought Was Only Going to Victimize Children, Not Himself: tinyurl.com/4r43d8rn
World Cup Tourist Blissfully Unaware Every Seattle Limebike Seat Now Covered in Fremont Taintjuice: tinyurl.com/yp3ncemv
Mariners Father’s Day Game Welcomes Dads to Walk on Field and Admire Well Kept Lawn: tinyurl.com/afm2mvs9
Nation’s White Dads Announce Plan to Chop Some Shit Up on Father’s Day: tinyurl.com/3xk3fvnn
Sun, World Cup Convince Socially Repressed City to Come Out as Extrovert: tinyurl.com/mr3d2csn
Socialist Exiled from D&D Group After Trying to Split Party Again: tinyurl.com/pcn7dmz7
Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool: tinyurl.com/3rwms2n3
Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory: tinyurl.com/3f39hzcb
Bellevue Homeowners Say Light Rail Noise on I-90 Ruining Area’s Peaceful Freeway Ambience: tinyurl.com/3yjv5fah
Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines: tinyurl.com/3y3jfr3h
Seattleites Frantically Search for Plausible Excuse to Cancel Plans with World Cup: tinyurl.com/4kp864xd
ICE to Help Protect World Cup Host Cities from Making Any Money from International Tourists: tinyurl.com/wv8u7db8
Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to Drink Their Coffee Again: tinyurl.com/yc2k7tsn
Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks: tinyurl.com/3hrm25vc