The War Llama

@thewarllama

139 Siguiendo266 Seguidores5012 Publicaciones

Bluesky

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The War Llama@thewarllama· 25d

All of the best people have black cats.

A close-up shot of a relaxed, fluffy black cat with its eyes serenely closed, resting its head against a person's hand. The person's wrist is visible, wearing a bright rainbow-striped watch band. The cat has a small, distinct patch of white fur on its chest and wears a collar with a silver bell. In the soft-focus background, the laptop the cat is sitting on is wearing purple leggings patterned with retro video game controllers, and a small arcade cabinet sits next to a cluttered bookshelf.

The War Llama@thewarllama· Jul 10

With so much debate over the fate of #AnnWiddecombe 's soul, I contacted Hell for an official statement.

The second page of the official press release from the Kingdom of Hell, continuing the dark charcoal and crimson aesthetic. It contains the concluding paragraphs and formal media contact metadata.

Exact text transcript:
The Army of Darkness noted that Hell's foundational charter guarantees a level of dignity in suffering that Ms. Widdecombe’s ideological frameworks routinely sought to deny living souls, whilst the Desolate One Himself expressed concern that her internment would pose severe operational risks to staff, potentially demoralizing the resident demons who have spent millennia mastering professional, proportionate retribution.

Consequently, the Kingdom of Hell has exercised its sovereign right of refusal and regrettably declines this opportunity for permanent acquisition.

The Press Office concludes this broadcast by extending its sincerest thoughts to Ms. Widdecombe during this transitional phase.

His Infernal Majesty wishes her the very best of luck for the future of her torture, and looks forward to seeing her receive the beautifully tailored, deserved eternal punishment she so thoroughly earned, wherever she may happen to land.

In a final statement on the matter, He said: "Fuck this noise. Let Hades deal with the bitch."

ENDS -

Media Contacts:
The Palace of Pandemonium Press Desk | Department of Public Relations & Damnation
Inquiries via Ouija Board or Authorized Blood Sacrifice Only.

The War Llama@thewarllama· Jul 9

Image of a poster, simple text on a split black and white background.

BE A GOVERNMENT INFORMER

BETRAY YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

FABULOUS PRIZES TO BE WON

The War Llama@thewarllama· Jun 28

This is hilariously embarrassing for @nintendolife.com, once a highly respected source of information on Nintendo hSrdware and games. The AI drone it used to generate content has speculated on an OoT remake when, in fact, said remake was announced some time ago and a teaser trailer released.

Photograph of an AI-generated article headline and blurb from NintendoLife.com. it mentions "rumours of a potential remake of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time". The article was first published yesterday.

The War Llama@thewarllama· Jun 26

The War Llama@thewarllama· Jun 25

I was raised on these streets

Screenshot of the video game The Secret of Monkey Island. A Mighty Pirate™ walks along a mountain road towards nearby docks at night.

The War Llama@thewarllama· Jun 22

Did somebody say hydration break?

Deadpool mimics the famous chair pose from Flashdance, with bullets instead of water.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 27

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 23

Parody of a Star Trek: TOS title card. Episode title: "By Grabthar's Hammer"

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 23

Parody of a Star Trek Voyager title card. Episode name: "A TNG Episode With Added Borg Tits"

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 23

Parody of a Star Trek TOS title card. Episode title: "Kirk Gets Herpes Has Lease"

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 22

More…

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 22

Been playing with @pixelframe.bsky.social's logo generators while I've been waiting for the Small to fall asleep.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 22

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 18

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 15

Photoshopped image of Nigel Farage on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?

Farage, looking panicked, faces the question:

What was the £5 Millon quid for?

A. PERSONAL GIFT
B. BREXIT REWARD
C. HOME SECURITY
D. DODGY BUNG

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 12

@thellamagod.bsky.social... it is to you, old friend, that I shall pass Chlamydia, as it was passed to me.

Photograph of a Caucasian person's hand holding a green, round plushie of the Chlamydia microbe. Yes, really. Yes, they really exist. I got Chlamydia from Vinted, for example.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

My browser didn't tell the website where I was before; BlueSky did. It's called a "referral"; almost every website that displays links adds a code to the URL - called a "slug" - which tells the subsequent site where the link came from. It's not any benefit to consumers but it helps analytics.

Screenshot of text.

Where you were before
go.bsky.app
You came here from go.bsky.app. Your browser told us the address of the page you were reading before this one. Every link you follow tells the destination where you were. The page you just left knows you left. This page knows where you came from. Neither was asked.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

These are all settings that the web server needs to know in order to do its job. These are also settings you can disable. Nothing to be concerned about.

Screenshot of text.

What you allow
Cookies: enabled · Dark mode · 0 MB stored by others
Your browser accepts cookies. Websites can write small files to your device that persist after you leave — files that identify you when you return, that follow you across sites, that remember what you looked at, what you almost bought, and how long you hesitated. We have not written one. Your browser would let this page write up to 10 GB to your device — a private room, ours alone, like the one given to every site you visit. We left it empty. Most pages don't. You prefer dark interfaces — your operating system told us. You have not enabled Do Not Track. This is the default. It means either that you chose not to, that you did not know it existed, or that you know it makes no difference. All three possibilities are informative. This page stores nothing on your device. When you close this tab, it forgets you exist.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

All this stuff about "fingerprinting" is true, but harmless. I used to work in web analytics; yes, we can identify a device *profile* across pages and sites, but that's not the same thing as a specific device. Anyone with the same phone and settings in the same country is your twin. This ain't GPS.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

Oh no! My browser is transmitting my selected language SO THAT THE WEB SERVER HOSTING THE PAGE I'M ACCESSING KNOWS HOW TO DISPLAY THE PAGE. What about the angle stuff? Well, your phone has a tilt sensor, so it knows when to flip into landscape or portrait mode. That's it. That's the "danger".

Screenshot of text.

What you speak
English
Your browser’s primary language is English. This is transmitted in the header of every HTTP request. It has been doing this for as long as you have used this browser.

How you are holding it
43° from horizontal
Your device is tilted — you may be sitting. The gyroscope reported this without your permission. A website can infer whether you are standing, sitting, walking, or in bed. We can tell. We are choosing not to say more.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

Okay, and? How exactly can I be personally identified or harmed by a website knowing my battery percentage?

Screenshot of text.

How much is left
Battery: 98% · not charging
Your battery is at 98%. It is not charging. In 2015, researchers demonstrated that battery level— combined with discharge time — was unique enough to track users across websites for up to thirty minutes. Your exact percentage, right now, is a fingerprint. Firefox removed this API in 2016. Your browser still exposes it.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

Okay, this stuff is all specific to the platform I am running the webpage on (my smartphone). Your phone and browser are SUPPOSED to communicate this information, because it helps dynamic web pages like the one visited here to render & display the site properly on my specific device. Not a concern.

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What you brought with you
Chrome · Android · 444×970 @ 2.4375x · 24-bit color
You are reading this on a phone running Android. Your browser is Chrome. Your screen is 444 by 970 pixels, rendered at 2.4375x density — which means it is almost certainly a recent, high-end display. Your screen accepts 5 simultaneous touch points. Your device volunteered all of this in the first milliseconds of the connection. It will do this again on the next page you visit, and the one after that.

What renders your world
PowerVR D-Series DXT-48-1536
Your graphics processor identified itself as PowerVR D-Series DXT-48-1536. This tells us the manufacturer, the generation, and roughly the price of your machine. Combined with your screen size and font list, this string alone can distinguish your device from most others on the internet. The technique is called WebGL fingerprinting. No permission is required.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

Time and Timezone: accurate (London in this context just means "GMT"), but… so what? This is basically the current time and timezone taken from the routing node that my incorrect location and ISP were captured from. If I used a VPN it would say something else entirely. Nothing to worry about.

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When you arrived
08:59 · Europe, London
It is in the morning where you are. Your device reported your timezone before the page finished loading. A website knowing your local time can infer when you sleep, when you work, and when you browse because you cannot sleep. Nothing about this was requested. The information arrived on its own.

The War Llama@thewarllama· May 9

This location and service provider information is completely incorrect. It is inferred from my public IP address, provided by my ISP (not the one listed), but internet traffic is bounced from computer to computer around the entire world; I was travelling on the tube to Euston but it picked Victoria.

Screenshot of text.

Where you are
Leeds, England, United Kingdom
You appear to be in Leeds, United Kingdom. Your internet provider is Energis UK. We know this because your IP address — 81.xxx.xxx.210 — was the first thing your device sent us. We know the rest of it. We chose not to display it. Most pages would not have made that choice. We did not ask for your location. Your address arrived before you did.

The War Llama@thewarllama· Apr 21

The War Llama@thewarllama· Apr 19

The War Llama@thewarllama· Apr 18

You see: a handsome boy, looking regal and stuff. I see: A little shitbag contemplating actual crimes.

A photograph of a handsome black cat looking up and to the right of frame, with a messy room in the background because GO TO HELL, I HAVE ADHD OKAY? BET YOUR HOUSE IS REAL FUCKIN' CLEAN, RIGHT JANET? JUDGEMENTAL BITCH.

The War Llama@thewarllama· Apr 17

Delighted to receive this in the post this morning. Looking forward to some vintage Stew and @herring1967.bsky.social!

Photograph of a DVD. Lee & Herring's Fist of Fun, The Complete Series One and Two

The War Llama@thewarllama· Apr 17

By Grabthar's Hammer, I've only just realised that my favourite @robbotron.bsky.social #TheDarkRoom t-shirt was drawn by @happytoast.co.uk. like, who the fuck else would the artist be with a style like that? Shut up, I'm AuDHD.