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The thread o’ tweets (@threadotweets) · DIRTY

The thread o’ tweets

@threadotweets

All the tweets I love, a few I hate. A few skeets too! Posted individually this time instead of threaded Posting in large batches, pls address complaints to dennisbhooper Alt text added but reply w/ additional description as you see fit. Also bluesky @‘s

1 Siguiendo24.298 Seguidores2381 Publicaciones

¿Es tu perfil?Reclámalo y threadotweets.dirty.social es tuyo.Reclamar perfil

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· 17d

jes Immediate Decapitatio... • 6/17/18 v a glory hole, but for feeding a carrot to an unseen horse
Q30
171,176
5,883
grace spelman & @GraceSpelman
Replying to @jestom and @jersing

Screenshot:

jake @HUNTYCHAN • 3m
1:24PM.... good morning

(Photo of a horse emerging from a hole in the ground)

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 19

Devon Price @drdevonprice
its fast fashion to You. im wearing a forever21 sweater i got during the bush administration
10/10/21

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 19

Lauren L Walker
@LLW902
the simple fact of the matter is that those of us who committed every sea shanty from Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World to memory are just better prepared for prolonged isolation than the rest of you
3/16/20

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 14

name cannot be blank @stfuayen
when i randomly remember one of my shirts i haven't seen in a while

(Morty from Rick and morty waking up confused)

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 14

horse deals @heymermaid
"This bad boy can fit so many oats" I slap the thoroughbred on his flank and he takes off running. I start to cry and jog after him

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 14

Daniel Kibblesmith @kibblesmith
I love that Slow Horses is mainly one spy who strategically makes himself so disgusting that he's effectively invisible and one spy who is unforgettably handsome and is always running top speed and shoving people out of the way shouting MOVE IT, I'M A SPY

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 14

Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen.
landlords should not exist except as a mean nickname sailors call us

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 13

dave karpf @davekarpf Aug 26, 2019
This afternoon, I tweeted a brief joke about a well-known NYT op- Ed columnist.
It got 9 likes and 0 retweets. I did not @ him. He does not follow me.
He just emailed me, cc'ing my university provost. He is deeply offended that I called him a metaphorical bedbug.

Alright fine... here is the email:

(Screenshot of the email from Bret Stephens)

From Bret Stephens, New York Times
Stephens, Bret<
to dkarpf, gwprovost
9:10 PM (59 minutes ago)
Dear Dr. Karpf,
Someone just pointed out a tweet you wrote about me, calling me a "bedbug." I'm often amazed about the things supposedly decent people are prepared to say about other people -- people they've never met -- on Twitter. I think you've set a new standard.
I would welcome the opportunity for you to come to my home, meet my wife and kids, talk to us for for a few minutes, and then call me a "bedbug" to my face. That would take some genuine courage and intellectual integrity on your part. I promise to be courteous no matter what you have to say.
Maybe it will make you feel better about yourself.
Please consider this a standing invitation. You are more than welcome to bring your significant other.
Cordially,
Bret Stephens

(Top of screenshot of Prof. Karpf’s original quote-tweet)

Dave Karpf @davekarpf
The bedbugs are a metaphor. The bedbugs are Bret Stephens.

Stuart A. Thompson @stuartathompson
Breaking-There are bedbugs in the NYT newsroom.

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 13

helena
@freshhel
I understand tht a very popular personality to perform rn is like "glamorous philosopher" but some of you are stupid

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 13

the heart
@Fredward3948576
I am beyond blessed to inhabit the Earth at
the same time as the moose, a beast of considerable proportions

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 13

Oscar Meyer Lansky @Medium Reginald
"So yeah, this is my dog"
"Hey there pal! How are you doing?"
"And this is my cat"
[nods] "Comrade."

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 13

slate
@pleasebegneiss.bsky.social
alright everybody stand up for this person to sing a really hard song about the war of 1812 solo a cappella, if they fuck up it will haunt them forever. then we'll play some baseball

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 13

@raxkingisdead

I like the whole Gondor/Mordor thing. All cities should have an evil version right across the river, like DC and Arlington

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 12

Alec Sulkin @thesulk
"Wanna listen to The Band?" "No. I'm just going to sit on an accordion while watching a Civil War documentary."
Dec 29, 2017

Robbie Robertson
@r0bbier0berts0n
Wish I could've written for the Cleveland Show, instead.

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 12

Warrior Cop @wyatt_privilege
instagram used to trick ppl into fucking up bc you'd be used to double tapping a pic to zoom in and surprise you just hearted some girl's beach pic from 2 mos ago. same shit back in spirit by telling ppl who watches their stories
11/19/18

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 12

Jax Philosopher Queen
@Diamond_Jax
Bluey referenced "mitochondria" and I immediately said to my 4yo "the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" like a sleeper agent who just heard their activation phrase

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 12

Coolee Bravo @BravoCoolee
Twitter the only place where well articulated sentences still get misinterpreted.
You can say "I like pancakes" and somebody will say "So you hate waffles?"
No bitch. Dats a whole new sentence. Wtf is you talkin about.

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Argon Dreamcast Evangelion
@synthandlasers
Stan Lee: "So this guy has the powers of a spider. But we need a villain. What's the natural enemy of a spider?"
Jack Kirby: *claws his way out from under a three-hundred pound pile of cocaine" "Goblins"

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Peter Raleigh @PetreRaleigh
I love watching movies. Very few things I love more than watching movies. But choosing what movie to watch? WOATed activity. Bottom of the barrel use of leisure time

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Commander Ikari @NERV_Com
the fact that i'm at risk of seeing a 14 year old's opinion at any point during my day is a human rights violation
Aug 30, 2020

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Christopher @molochofficial
theologians don't want you to know that you can defeat any vice or sin by accelerating it. A few years ago I became so greedy that I had a reverse-mystical experience and decided that everything in the world already belonged to me, rendering material acquisition redundant.

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Rachel Shukert
@RachelShukert
The South had a culture of grotesque cruelty but tolerance for personal eccentricity and the
Midwest had a culture of basic decency combined with total insistence on social conformity and now the two bad parts have come together to form the horror we have
now
6/20/22

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

The Baller of the First Sin
@ByYourLogic
the pallas cat shows you really don't need to reinvent the wheel to make something great. it's just a denser cat with a 30 percent more expressive face and it's amazing. they didn't kill themselves trying to make a whole new animal, they just altered some things and made a hit

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Rory Blank @BoneJail
my brain tells me that height and age are the same thing and anyone taller than me is older than me and any time you see two similar looking people near eachother the taller one is the dad
like every time i see the rock standing next to vin diesel I think "that's his dad"

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Matt @matttomic
every time I see an Angels highlight it's like "Mike Trout hit three homes runs and raised his average to .528 while Shohei Ohtani did something that hasn't been done since 'Tungsten Arm' O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron Groomsmen, as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3"
May 17, 2021

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Grimes @Grimezsz
I'm not a communist - I'm probably a capitalist but I think the incentives in capitalism are bad, and the dollar shud be backed by something more
meaningful - like trees. I know that's insane and likely impossible but I'm an artist so my job is to say things like this

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Variety
@Variety Aug 23, 2023
Michael Mann says that his film "Blackhat" was "ahead of the curve": "There were a number of people who thought this was all fantasy. Wrong. Everything is stone-cold accurate.”

Jack Eason... @realJackEason
Again repeating my brother-in-law's story about him and his Google coworkers going to see the movie as a goof and walking out acknowledging it was the most accurate portrayal of cyber security they had ever seen in a film.

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 11

Peter Raleigh @PetreRaleigh
When I was in college I saw a fellow student ask my professor for an extension, promising to get his paper in by midnight that night. The professor responded "well, is that enough time?" and I genuinely don't think any single moment has ever been more impactful on my own teaching

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 10

Justin Halpern @justin_halpern.
ooof the kicker on this New York Times story...

(Screenshot of NYT story with fake final paragraph)

The Republican bill would have repealed tax penalties for people who go without health insurance, rolled back federal insurance standards, reduced subsidies for the purchase of private insurance and set new limits on spending for
Medicaid, the federal-state program for more than 70 million low-income people. The bill would also have repealed taxes imposed by the Affordable Care Act on health insurance providers, manufacturers of prescription drugs and medical devices, and many high-income people.
It was a stunning failure for Paul Ryan. He exited the White House in defeat and took no questions as he stepped into his black SUV. Within moments, the muffled sound of Papa Roach's "Last Resort" were heard blaring from inside the car as it drove away.

The thread o’ tweets@threadotweets· Mar 10

@madjaymilton.bsky.social
The jerk store called. They voted 11-3 to unionize! Everyone welcome Jerks Local 217

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