Trill #StopKIDSact #callyourrep #savespeech
@trilicon
Permanently in Early Access Body is 30+, Enby, They/It (like a legendary Pokemon), ΘΔ🐉, Plural System, Pagan, Disabled, Eternal Anxiety, 🍎, 🐐 18+ Reskeets Out speaking and outspoken Better a Freak than a Fascist
Spent the better part of an hour sobbing because of our gynophobia. We don't want to be like this...
Why does sexual trauma make us want to have sex so much? Why does intimacy make us feel safe when we're unstable? It makes us less satable yet also more... We fucking hate dealing with this bullshit...
Someone elsewhere pointed out they have more boob than brain and we realized we do too. This might explain some things.
Why does our head tell us we want to have sex when we're depressed or unstable? We know it's not safe but it starts throwing out unusual errors like that when we're in a bad state... Ugh we can't even, like, go hit up a friend because the only local one who might is as acespec as us! We hate this!
We think we made another breakthrough in therapy just... gods this is a prickly subject. Like, enough so that the broad strokes words for it sound off kilter enough we're not sure we want to say them. It's not our fault our special interests, ocds, cptsd, and general hobbies overlap in our trauma...
we just wanted to mention that we really want to like @plushiepup.bsky.social 's work we just... Gods we just know that if we ever break this diaper trauma we're gonna shift on a dime to the biggest DL ever but for now it just... It pulls out a lot of terrible memories...
Moral OCD sucks, not only do we risk panic attacks around unhoused folks because we can't do anything, but it also makes us feel like we have to face down our fears and work through shit even when it's actively detrimental or traumatizing ... OCD sucks..
Gonna be honest, we don't read explicit stories to see characters have sex as much as to see what these characters sex lives are like. We feel like a lot of stuff focuses too much for our taste on "x character does y sex thing" rather than "x characters characterized by doing y sex thing together"
Being bean is hard...
we think we're realizing that we need degrees of aftercare after reading stories we like because we keep experiencing really bad dysphoria after thats.... difficult we need a hug, headpats, and a juicebox...
... Gods we wanna do an ageplay scene and suck off a big and just be deliriously happy in and out of character that we got to try that and were trusted enough to do so...
We decided to look up and see if anyone else talking about oneloli on bluesky and like, we know it makes slightly more sense in english, but it's oneloli with one E not two.
We need to be the little in an oneloli manga...
The really bothers us fact that ageplay is overwhelming defined by ABDL to point that sometimes people struggle to recognize lolisho is an extension of ageplay even though they recognize ABDL art as an extension of ABDL and ABDL an extension of ageplay. Like... It's all ageplay adjacent.
We've been going back and fourth into attacks all day... We just wanna sit and explain why they TS story we read last night meant so much to us but our head is a tempest...
Not doing okay, nearly had a breakdown on the bus. Was listening to a video essay on childism that specifically uses the uplifting and supporting definiton in femin"ism" rather than the discussion of bigotry in race"ism" definition we use. It tacitly rejected everything we are working on as "not it"
Cursed thought. Updating revised hepburn to turn え's into "eh". "Awh she's real moeh don'cha know? Cutie in that school approved winter coaht, yaup."
Our problem with romance and slice of life media is that we've never seen ourselves in characters that don't look like they could at least pass as jr high students if they tried. It makes relating to media difficult when stories are moving further from anything remotely ambiguous in character design
We hope to see the day that @fakku.net can fully fight back the paypro crisis or at least work around it, because a great deal of our bookmarks were stories that regularly came up in therapy as a way to process our difficulties as an abuse survivor. We don't even remember half their titles...
Thinking about this has got us thinking about how stressful a read that story from the first issue of LOE was. The one about the guy who owes money to the mob and ends up befriending a trafficking survivor under wildly fucked up circumstances... We really a lot of upsetting stories honestly too many
Thinking about the splatoon fic a friend wrote and asked us to sensitivity read as a survivor about a pair of young octolings on the other side of the war that end up using his body to gain favors and support in the heirarchy and how upsetting a read it was... Really good just... A lot...
Need to form an oomf room party at a con, no obligation to actually attend the con, get two adjoined rooms, and just collectively live there together for a day or two after the con and be middle doofs who don't gotta hide our age dysphoria.
Having a scream into a pillow out of sheer dysphoria kind of afternoon
Really bad age dysphoria. Learned a vtuber we follow with mommy energy is 5 body years younger than us? She's twice our age but somehow half a decade body years behind us?? How??? /Severe distress We had to avoid looking in the mirror to keep from screaming just now. Heart is racing. /negative
Looked at extremely cute bean art and now we're having really bad age dyphoria... why don't we look like them...
Probably not gonna get around to actually writing that thread on radqueer at this rate, so here's the thread we wrote partly about it that inspired us.
Why are all our friends we'd sleep with acer than we are? We really struggle with feeling safe and emotionally attached enough to even *want* someone. But those someones? All more ace than us...
Anyone have any good recomendations for stories, perferably explicit ones for their willingness to "go there", that deal in difficult situations earnestly where everyone is trying their best? Like, thematically grounded in some amount of reality for better for worse? Ao3, manga, webnovels, anything.
Today we want to write a thread on the issue of radqueer and how it clearly lead to someone we saw elsewhere losing the plot not from engaging in it, but from looking for it everywhere and seeing it in communities and minorities that radqueer attacks and has tried to supplant. Hopefully we write it.