Urgo, confused and needing cake...

@urgocakelord

25yrs teaching, SENDCO at an AP. Crohns, Arthritis, AuDHD, you name it, I’ve probably got it or my family has…😬. Passionate about what I do, and shiny things.✨🤩

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Bluesky

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Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· 12d

A black cartoon cat sits slumped in front of the infinity symbol.
Text reads, "I'm joining the war on Autism...on the side of Autism! *
*But I hope their armies have a seated division, as I also have chronic illnesses and am constantly fucking knackered. Meh, I figure I can sit and shoot."

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jun 19

Does medieval smut count?

A section of medieval parchment with Latin text at the top and a picture of a woman (possibly a nun, based on her covered head and dark attire?) holding a basket as she harvests fruit from a tree to her right. The tree is about the same height as her and has an abundant fruiting crop of phalloi. Cock and balls of epic proportion, all over the tree. As a colourful touch, the bellends are all red and look enraged.

Medieval manuscript image of 3 men set aga a patterned red square, white dot background, framed by an oval, which their feet slightly overlap. The man to the left appears to be a monk or holy man, wearing a cap and long, loose blue robes. One arm gestures down to waist height, the other is raised, with a pointing finger, as if admonishing one of the other men. But which one? I hear you ask, and it is, indeed, challenging to determine.
One man - dressed in similar colours but a different style to the monk - stands behind the other, as if presenting him, a hand on his waist.
The third man is wearing a fawn-coloured smock, which splits apart mid-chest to reveal his nakedness beneath and a quite humongous, pendulous set of bollocks behind his penis. He appears to have shaved for the presentation, and holds his arms out, palms up to the side as if to say, "What? I'm just airing my cojones."
Truly, a deeply spiritual work of art.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jun 8

Elvis was beautiful. Kurt Russell playing Elvis was eerily stunning, too. I take it your partner would get a pass for him, as well... It seems only fair.

A black and white head and shoulder shot picture of Kurt Russell from the Elvis biopic. He has the iconic Vegas white, jewel-encrusted, high-collared jumpsuit with a deep v-neck flashing some chest hair, and sports the classic Elvis quiff and sideburns. He is looking off to the right and is impossibly beautiful.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jun 8

I live a few miles away from Penis. It was a village, now just woods and - I shit you not - has a naturist club building. Unfortunately, the prudes in the 1800s renamed it to Pennis, but old maps show it was called Penis for centuries. It's near Longfield, in Kent.

A section of a map from 1759, showing Longfield Court, Longfield, Longfield Green, Hartley North and Penis.

A section of a John Wallis map of 1802 showing Longfield, Hartley and Penis. This is the most recent one I can find, before the name was changed to Pennis. By boring people...

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 23

I knew I'd seen this before... Shrinkflation is definitely a thing!

The bad guy in Enter the Dragon, with his metal knives prosthetic hand.
A rather bruised gentleman in a brown button-through, round collar jacket is glaring off screen and holding up a prosthetic hand which initially looks fork-like, but is 4 long knives jutting from the main block at his wrist.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 23

Oh, this is too much fun...

The Trek mirror planet, with the Enterprise in orbit (original series). Caption reads: "Klingons scared of tribbles? IKR?! Still piss myself about that."

Enterprise (original series ship) in orbit around blue-looking planet with swirling clouds. Caption reads: "Seriously, this had better be the last time we have to pick you up after a bender goes south, Scotty."

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 23

Yay for TOS! TBH, this should have been an episode. One angry wasp defying the whole crew... 😂

A picture of a part of the Enterprise NCC1701 from the original series, black background with faint stars. Across the disc quadrant, yellow lettering reads, "All this tech but nobody can work out how that wasp got in..."

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 14

I particularly like, 'Tell me again about the intricacies of coding and why you are practically a god in the IT sphere, Darren.' AKA: Number 12 in the 'I am so going to murder my cousin for this blind date' portfolio, c. 1928. Ramon Casas.

A painting by Ramon Casas of a woman against a blurry naturals background.
The woman is depicted facing the viewer, upper torso only, with a tilted posture which suggests she is leaning back (possibly recoiling from the source of her abject boredom and annoyance). She wears a grey dress, strapless but with a matching wrap around her shoulders. Her hair is chin-length, styled in attractive swirls. She looks like a woman ready to attend a ball, who has, instead, fallen into a pit of drab ennui.
Her eyes are shadowed, dark, suggesting deep, deep boredom and possibly disassociation - she looks off slightly to the side, as if wishing whomsoever is causing her current mental state could be stared into spontaneous combustion, or death by sudden onset diarrhoea.
This is the look of a woman who is contemplating putting ground up glass into your stew...

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 6

A few days ago, I had some card, paper, crepe paper and a fantastic boss who's just been forced out by evil overlords. Tomorrow, I will be sending chocolates and love her way. Probably my most exotic paper flowers/box & definitely my best. Making this has kept me from running mad...

A grey background, with the lid of a box visible, aerial shot. The lid is black card, with a vertical purple ribbon, topped with a shiny orange bordered black square, supporting a floral arrangement made from paper - two pinky-orange, spotty Lillies are at the front and right, with three white cala Lillies sloping diagonally up to the left. These are flanked by two bird of paradise flowers on each side, as well as stems of tiny purple orchid-esque flowers and large, fronded and frilly leaves. The whole thing is just 12cm x 12cm. Nearly went mad trying to tweezer the tiny beads onto the purple flowers, but it was worth the effort.

Inside the box - orange card box base, with purple crepe paper lining. There are two rows of square chocolates, stacked 3 high - on the left: almond, with 3 almonds in a row and some tiny sprinkles; middle: edible silver sprayed squares with a vivid green halved pistachio embedded in the top centre; right: edible gold sprayed squares with chopped hazelnuts and a half Hazel in the top centre (these are filled with Choconussa spread, but you can't see it from the photos). In front and to the side, filling the remaining space in the box are brown ball shapes with white coconut sprinkled on top. These are 'Bounty bites' - coconut ice coated in milk chocolate.

A side shot of the box - orange card base, black lid, purple ribbon with sewn sequins and an orange shiny star gem, and a riot of tropical flowers on top.
You can't see it, but a teenie bit of velcro sits behind the star, keeping the lid nice and tight.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 5

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Apr 22

This avocado is sad because he can't fly. 🙁

African toad sitting on moss. The toad is black with speckly pimply textured skin, making it look like a ripe avocado. It has a very downturned mouth, so looks somewhat depressed.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Apr 16

I think I can hit this brief, if you can wait a couple of months for me to crochet one of the designs below...and don't mind which decade's super attractive stylish masculinity you are exuding!

Three male models pose against a white plank background. Two stand, the third is seated on a white plank wooden platform.
One has his leg raised, foot resting on an unseen box behind the seated man, a ball rests on his knee, supported by his arm.
This is an image presumably from the 70s, judging by what can only be described as heinous crimes against fashion.
The seated man is barefoot, with inoffensive white trousers and a wide, poncho-style loose crochet top in vertical zig zags of what can best be described as the rainbow of vomit colours - red, yellow, orange and brown combine not in a calm autumnal way, but more in a murky, 'hurked down the back wall of a nightclub' and way.
In a way, seated man is the winner of this tableau, as he is just in a moderately foul poncho top, the standing models are adorned with tunic type abominations.
The blonde model on the left appears to have forgotten bottoms, as only the tunic is visible. And what a tunic - a cream yoke descending into stripes of cream and what could most politely be called gravy brown. He looks char grilled. And half naked.
Good news for the lovers of shit brown wool, it's in all three designs!
The third gentleman sports a rather mixed outfit, with a football prop, he wears tight yellow shorts, a pale pus or amoxycillin type of yellow, mind, this is the 70s. But hey, at least we know the Wang is constrained in this outfit, no peeping snakes here.
His tunic is decided into three horizontal colour panels. 'Ooh, like a Rothko?' I hear you think...and much as I hate to disappoint, no.
This tunic's horizontal bands, vomit orange, mustard yellow, vomit orange, are separated by - can you guess? Yes! Shit brown. To 'add interest' to this blatantly 70s coloured, crochet travesty, someone has decided to create a medieval laced collar, seemingly tied by someone who has either no - or possibly only - thumbs. It's like Shrek's tunic, but worse. One can imagine few outfits less suited to 'the beautiful game'.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Apr 5

Just finished the chocolate and mini egg tart for the family gathering, and made my 'festive' burrito. (It's just a regular burrito. IBD vegetarian with allergies means nobody questions the random food I bring for myself. #winning! 😂)

Picture of a chocolate tart, still resting on baking paper, on a wooden worksurface. The tart is studded with mini eggs, which have sunk slightly into the mix. The eggs are arranged in concentric circles, with an appropriate level of tismy accuracy. The one white egg in the yellow alternation bothers me, but I don't control the packaging and distribution of mini eggs. I'm only marginally aggravated. Honest.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Mar 28

Trump's new coin, monochrome, Trump stands, leaning forward over a desk, resting his fists on it. His face is grimacing, as if in moderate pain or distaste. Epstein has been added behind him, hands on shoulders, presumably extending a prison-welcome, hence the clenched fist and grimace.
The motto, 'In God we trust' has been replaced by 'By God, we thrust'.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Mar 20

He was in a rush to go and approve the limited edition platinum version of his new coin...

Adapted version of Trump's new coin, grey scale, drawing - it depicts Trump, grimacing with a hint of disgust, fists clenched on the desktop in front of him, leaning forward a little as if being soundly rodgered (as per the original coin), with the addition of Jeffrey Epstein behind him, thus answering the question in the coin owner's mind of, 'Who is ravaging Donny's funpipe today?'
The motto reads, 'By God, we thrust!'

This is clearly not AI generated. This is what happens when someone with limited skills in the dark arts of image doctoring in Word is released early from their training course.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Feb 12

I love this post ⬇️, though it is pretty old. It sums up how the world should be. It's on my wall at work, and in my staff SEND booklet.

A post, presumably from X as it is quite old. It is by Deep Space Fine @thisismewhatevs and says:
I high key love that Star Trek chose to respond to the idea that "in the future disability will be erased" with "in the future disability will be accommodated for without stigma"

Below are 4 pictures of Star Trek characters from different series, all with some kind of need. One has a visor to see, one has technology which supports brain and sight function, another needs low gravity and uses a wheelchair, etc.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Feb 9

Or...you can just make one huge jaffa cake for just a few quid. (My neph really loves them so I made a 9" pizza sized one for his last birthday.)

A homemade huge jaffa cake, the size of a pizza box, in a homemade pizza box (lid up to display it), sits on a wooden worktop, with kitchen odds and sods behind it.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jan 4

Just as I was reading this, he appeared. 🤷😁

A grey squirrel, sitting upright against a grey patio, seeds on the ground. He gasps a peanut in his little paws and stares at camera as if to say, 'Have you nothing better to do with your time?'

The same grey squirrel, having retreated to the fence, sits atop the post next to the rounded gate top and trellis, in front of the hedge, to eat the rest of the nut in peace, away from the mad, rodent paparazzi lady.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jan 1

To ripoff a well-known festive cola commercial's jingle... 'Perimenopause is coming, Perimenopause is coming!' 😂😖😂

Screen shot of the original Merriam-Webster post, telling us to take a screenshot of their gif to determine our word for 2026.
Below is my word (phrase) - on a fading, ombre blue background, with a tinge of yellow at the base nestle the ominous words 'out of pocket'...

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Dec 27

So, I had a very ADHD moment and kind of crocheted some plant hangers for family back in November... Unfortunately, I've not got enough plants ready to fill them all (also ADHD), but a couple will be heading out to family tomorrow. 🤷😂

A set of 4 macrame/crocheted plant pot hangers dangling in front of cream kitchen cupboards. One has a pomelo plant in it, grown from seed. All the hangers have beads and felt/crocheted flowers. Some are jute string, others white string and wool. One has rainbow colours for the hangy bits.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Nov 15

Been ill. Should be resting. Couple of rellies coming up to watch The Shining tonight so, of course, my Autism can recall all the shiny bling bits in the baking drawer and ADHD starts chanting, 'Do it, do it!' I should be in bed. But at least pud will be pretty. Until I splatter it with raspberry.

Four plastic dessert bowls against a white baking paper backdrop. They contain dark chocolate & almond ganache circle tarts, on a bed of digestive biscuits and are decorated with a line of little gold dot vermicelli, bigger pearl and bronze dots, silver sprayed flaked almonds and a vertical disc of gold-sprayed white chocolate.

Because we're watching The Shining tonight and I felt pud needed some 1920s gold lounge bling. There is a mushed raspberry sauce to bloodsplatter it, when we eat...

This is what my brain tells me to do when I've been sick and should be resting. #ADHD 🤷

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Oct 10

Not sure it's good vibes, but this squirrel scared the bejeesus out of me. Turns out we now have a squirrel who randomly bangs on the patio door as well as stealing our hazelnuts... It's like he wants us to know it was him. 😂

A grey squirrel is peering through a glass door. The brown frame is visible (a corner) and you can see the squirrel's head, shoulders and also it's two teenie ickle squirrel paws pressed against the glass. Behind it, there is a patio of grey, irregular slabs, desperately in need of weeding, and a terracotta dish.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Sep 20

Maybe they meant Fabions - followers of the great goose destroyer. Once they overcome man's greatest threat (geese, obvs) they will, truly, be all-powerful.

Picture of model Fabio after the roller coaster goose strike - he is a man wearing a blue shirt, with long, blonde hair, in a roller coaster seat, his face splattered with blood. Two women, also gorily besplattered, are behind him, and another hand is reaching across to his arm, presumably someone trying to check he is okay.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Aug 29

Oh, I am out of guilt and out of fucks left to give. I'm a 47y/o AuDHDer, dancing on the threshold of perimenopause, with multiple autoimmune conditions in flare. Anyone wants to get judgy about my entertainment choices!? I choose violence...

Bayeux tapestry - style meme, showing a wonky medieval house/tower and a man in Norman garb, including cloak, with one hand on his hip and the other outstretched, gesturing to a blank space on the linen.
The caption reads, 'Behold the field in which I grow my fucks. Look thou upon it and thou shalt see that it is barren.'

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Aug 27

I want this to happen to him, too. I'd like it to be an Autistic person, preferably with an IBD, in flare. I want the walls of his office to resemble a head version of the hand silhouette cave paintings in Lascaux... 😂

Lascaux cave paintings made in prehistoric times. The image shows multiple hand shapes on the stone side of a cave. They are mostly silhouettes, with paint being presumably blown onto the hand and wall, then the hand being lifted, leaving the shape. They range in colour, some white, reddish-orange and brown. They're closely grouped and some overlap.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jul 1

Wow! Had my first fake celeb follow in here. I'm 100% sure Jonny Depp has no social media posts, and a burning desire to know about the life of a peculiar, British AuDHD SENDCO...Deffo him, right? 🤔😂

Bluesky page for, it claims, the 'Personal account of Jonny depp'.
Funny, for an A-lister, that he has no posts.
The page has a picture of Depp with his hands in front of his face in classic pensive/prayer pose, and a main quote banner with a pink background, which reads, 'I just hugged you in my thoughts. I hope you felt it.'

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Jun 29

Quote with a picture of you from the 80s. 1983. 5yrs old. 1st school photo. Me with my holey milk tooth. Not damaged, not decayed. Just weird. I feel it set the tone for the rest of my life... 😂

School photo. Aged 5. Me, long, brown hair, photo lending a jaundice pallor to my already pale skin, wearing a pale blue woollen dress which grew with me, thanks to poor washing machine choices. I'm smiling and showing my teeth, including one front tooth which has a hole in it, like a little tunnel.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· May 10

Too much going on in the world, in my workplace. 😖😖😖 Switched off, made pizza dough, sweet shortcrust tarts with creme pat and strawberries and, of course, meringues with the leftover egg whites. My first foray into strawberry tarts. They're what I call 'ADHD neat'! 😂

A metal cooling rack, on a wooden worktop, holding 6 slightly raggedy strawberry tarts.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Apr 2

It seems he's only bothered with faux-archaic. So real archaic is fine, right? So I could call him a Cockplucker and he'd be fine with it?

Genuine ancient manuscript - French, if I remember correctly, showing a nun holding a basket and harvesting penises from a tree. They're particularly large 'penis fruit', almost overwhelming the small tree. You can tell they're ripe by the dark pink bell ends, to which the illustrator has paid special attention.

Urgo, confused and needing cake...@urgocakelord· Apr 1

This may explain why both my (Autistic) nephews, despite having only similarly dx'ed friends, regularly tell me that I'm the 'most Autistic person we know'! 🤣😂🤣😂 Maybe I should mention it at my assessment, next week...