Zak Koonce
@zakkoonce
Write comedy and talk shit. Co-Founder of @auralnauts.bsky.social Currently at
Today's podcast guest @seemoreevil.bsky.social wrote a Civil War satire called "How to Dodge a Cannonball" and I may have mistakenly assumed it was a book about how to avoid this movie. It worked out though because there's a lot of racism in both. zaksplanetofgarbage.substack.com/p/ep-6-canno...
Now I know why these assholes are so obsessed with trans people. They’re afraid there won’t be enough testosterone to go around for them to become real men too.
Exercise, healthy diet, consistent sleep, and based on all my friends who are parents, absolutely not having kids.
Incredible display of support for Pride Month. The Confidence. The muscles. Not a care in the world about what balls are being fondled. Balls are balls, you bigots.
This is exactly what Nic Cage wearing Travolta’s face would think is Travolta being totally normal.
Episode 3 of the PoG podcast is available! @merrittk.com joins me to discuss how the loss of both mall culture and killer robot culture has destroyed our country. bit.ly/42uSEKI
How it feels to watch the group chat move on as you struggle to finish a time sensitive joke but your thumbs are having a fat day and spellcheck decided to just start making shit up
Thinking about becoming a cyber cowboy. Please respect my decision during these difficult times.
Gonna show up to the function in my cyber duster and smugly ask people if they want to know the truth about the world. If they say yes, I’ll wordlessly hand them a Mike and Ike, which every pocket will be filled with.
Me leaving NYC: I can’t wait to live somewhere that’s not as humid. My skin during winter in CO:
Ladies and gentlemen, they included Fisto. This summer, kinks will not be shamed.
Agriculture Secretary Rollins: “we have played Streets of Rage hundreds of times and have found that every garbage can has a chance to yield fresh fruit, a piping hot turkey and in some cases, a knife. Any one of these drops should increase the survival rate of any American.”
What I love about this image is that it captures something we don’t realize in our own lives. Closing the door on your childhood doesn’t feel like much at the time, but truly painful to think about in hindsight. That’s what makes nostalgia so powerful.
Vecna: a super-powered byproduct of science meddling with cosmic energy beyond understanding, bent on crashing two planets into each other as a result of a misguided vision for a better world. Sephiroth:
Another playable child snatcher from what is now the greatest TV show of all time. Hell yeah!
Maybe being an adult means quit being a passive aggressive little bitch and minding your own business
Buddy can’t cook and thinks everyone just tolerates dryness. Like the time Ben Shapiro’s wife assured him it was not normal for women to have WAP.
The only thing a zombie apocalypse would give us is dipshits like this who would downplay the zombie threat and then put their own friends and family in danger by lying about getting bit.
What a surprisingly delightful AI generated summary of my latest video. Even though computers are incapable of smell, it can still appreciate an entirely odor based bit.
Selling Black Phone’s child predator in the Fortnite store is a wild choice, but not as wild as including his kid snatchin’ Van.