You play hard to get. I play hard to want. #Sarcasm #Memes

If a telemarketer calls you, give the phone to your 3-year-old and tell them it's Santa Claus. #FunnyAdvice #Memes

Be a lady. But also a bitch if necessary. #Sarcasm #humor

I ordered a giant duck at a fancy restaurant last night. The bill was huge! #DadJokes #Puns

My wife asked me: What starts with F and ends in K? I said: No, it doesn't. #Jokes #Memes

Without freedom of speech we wouldn't know who the idiots are. #PoliticalJokes

The difference between animals and humans is that animals will never allow the dumbest one to lead the pack. #WisdomOfTheDay

What does a snowman do on his day off? He just chills. #DadJokes

I've been doing a lot of whatever the fuck I want lately and I like it. #ChineseArtMemes

Pubic hair is just organic dental floss. #Weird #Jokes

It is better to wake up and pee than to pee and wake up. #WeirdJokes

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. #IronicJokes #Memes

I've learned so much from my mistakes. I should make more of them. #Sarcasm #Memes

I'm not ignoring you. I'm waiting to see if the problem fixes itself before I get involved. #Sarcasm #Memes

- I've never heard you apologise. - I am never wrong. #Jokes #Memes

- Doctor, I have case of diarrhoea. What should I do? - Buy a new case. #Jokes #Memes

I told my boss I was tired of being a human cannonball. So he fired me! #WorkHumor #Memes

I don't care if she got red flags. I'm the bull. #Sarcasm #Memes

What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk. #DadJokes #Memes

I said I can work under pressure, not to die for the company. #WorkHumor #Memes

I refused to submit a stool sample to my doctor. I just don't give a shit. #funny #Memes

I'm working from home ...but as a bartender. #Jokes #Memes

Years ago I had a discount circumcision. It was a ripoff. #Jokes #Memes

You are nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore you are perfect. #JapaneseArtMeme #Memes

I used to have a job as a drill operator. It was well boring. #DadJokes #Memes

My wife left me for her gynaecologist. At least he knows what he’s getting into. #AdultJokes #Memes

Me: Do spiders have 8 ears? Interviewer: I meant any questions about the job. #WorkHumor #Memes

Homophobia is stupid... Like, how the hell are you scared of houses? #StupidJokes #Memes

How I apologise: I'm sorry, but you're wrong. #Jokes #Memes

How do trees get online? They log in. #ProgrammersJokes #memes