autistic violinist 🇨🇦
@autisticstarfruit
Autistic & dyspraxic violinist, educator, and grad school student in health sciences 🐈 🏳️🌈🌻
On my 35h journey home!! I am sooo excited to get back. I think I can sum it up as: I like being places, I do not like travelling. Thankful for whoever said, “Treat yourself at the airport and buy that expensive snack ONE TIME even though you know it’s not a good deal”, that really helped!
It’s actually not a rainbow bridge when you die, it’s a room of antique violins in glass cases:
The train today was way too overwhelming, especially with it being 40°C outside! I missed my train by 3 minutes because the machine broke down. The next one was 5 hours away and I sat down and cried 😮💨 But I made it to where I needed to go!
HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I PLAYED BEETHOVEN 8 IN ITALY!!! 13 year old me would be SO proud, but also not surprised. There had to be a fire that kept me going then through 11 more years of abuse by mentors, and this … this is it 🔥
I can’t go into any of the big cities this week because I perform every night, but the smaller towns are cool too! Everything (and I mean everything!) is closed from 12-3:30pm for Naptime.
Dyspraxia meant I couldn’t go to the top of the mountain with my friends (see second photo), but I did a pretty halfway trail at my own pace and it was glorious!
I have the hardest exam I’ve ever taken on Friday. A week from now, I’m not going to care about the causes of contralateral homonymous hemianopsia (as long as I pass), but I will care that I went to the annual donkey racing festival in Italy! School-life balance.
Vibes for today are mountain side picnic with fresh local cheese and salami, and leaving before the thunderstorm rolls in 🧺
The vibe for today was just “OMG I AM IN VENICE!!!” I am very nervous about travelling with disabilities, but I am so glad I did this!
When you’re in Italy, but there’s a cat! And it looks like your cat! And it’s the middle of the night where your cat is, so it’s totally possible it IS your cat doing that magic cat travel thing! Who can tell I miss Mila? 🐱
When I say my cat is easygoing and loves everyone, this is what I mean 🥺
Sometimes I sit down and she comes and sits on me. It’s not just haphazard - she does the full “turn around and make this space comfy with biscuits” thing. 🥰
May 5th was Leah’s last night. Tomorrow is the day she died. I can’t believe it’s already been a year. I can’t believe it’s only been a year! Frankly, I’m glad it still hurts this much and I hope the grief never goes away.
How old did I turn this week? Old enough to ride any ride at the fair and be able to pay for ONE treat at the fair 🎡 (I chose a candy apple! It was the most expensive thing I’ve eaten but I’m good on candy apples for another 7 years now lol)
Braving Costco on a Saturday afternoon because I have run out of the freeze-dried salmon snacks and Mila let me know in no uncertain terms that DIS IS EMERGENCY 🚨
Every time I see a rainbow, I think of Leah. Cliché, but she’s sent me many at the times I’ve missed her the most. Leah loved pork chops. Guess what appeared on the dining room table tonight as I was eating BBQ pork chops?!? Even death can’t separate her from my dinner 😸
My neighbour across the street came over to tell me, “Your cat in the window is so cute!” What cat?
It’s incredible to me that we’re able to watch a LIVE-STREAM of this! Like here I am in grad school eating lunch and just LOOKING AT THE EARTH FROM SPACE.
2200 sq ft house, but the “unwanted” cat who spent 8 months in the shelter just wants to snuggle on me 🥺
A year ago (already!), Leah started declining. I didn’t know it would be fatal. The day before she died, I wholeheartedly believed it was something minor, like grass up her nose. She stole my heart and expanded it. I wish we could all be so lucky to have a friend like that!
Oh that reminds me! We don’t have room in our shared freezer but somehow Mila’s toy got in there AND fell into an ice cube tray before it froze 🤣 new toy!
Every now and then, I remember it hasn’t even been a year since my best friend died in my arms. And that having made so many huge life changes alone after her death was actually very fucking brave.
People: living with roommates in your 30s is embarrassing. You should own your own house and have a husband. Me and my 4 roommates: PIZZA TONIGHT @ 6, everyone welcome except 🐾
Sometimes when I am feeling down and frustrated, and when my brain is being beneficial, I sit down and I draw my values over and over and over in the bright and bold colours they deserve.
Breaking away from the generic tabby cat to announce: Mila has some ORANGE in her!
I love a full house 🎶 My profs, new med school acquaintances, roommate, and friends’ parents were there! I think that’s the most people that’s ever showed up for me (since music school when we all sat for each other)!