"Now open up those hanger doors real wide, my hungry little man, because Mickey's plane is coming in for a landing - and he's not taking "no" for an answer!"

"Sorry, baby, but I'm taking you off solids one way or another. I tried the easy way, but you seem to prefer the hard way. I think Peas & Kale first, then the main course of Turkey & Squash. Hopefully you'll have room for dessert. All the laxatives in those bottles should help you make space!"

You're not sure if it's The Tickle Monster, Sir Spanks-A-Lot or just The Diaper Inspector approaching, but you know "Uncle" Parker is coming to play one of his games, and Mommy made it very clear that playtime is NOT optional when getting you dolled up in the outfit he provided for his weekly visit.

At least the adults were too busy to come up with something more humiliating this year. Still, there is the repeat performance of last 4th's "I'm a Yankee Diaper Dandy" song & dance routine awaiting after naptime. Hopefully you still remember all of it, you know how Daddy deals with forgetful boys

Coming right up! Would you like some imaginary relish on that?

It's only 9am but Papa already has you all set up for the big 4th of July block party, aka sheepishly offering the neighbors plastic hotdogs & burgers. He says it's forecasted to be over 90 degrees, aka too hot for shorts according to the 'Daddy Weather Association'. "C'mon sport, hand 'em over."

"Uh-oh, looks like we're fresh out of diaper disposal bags and I don't see a trash can around here. You're just gonna have to carry your new 'cuddle-buddy' around until we get back to the parking lot, champ."

Bluesky exclusive photo to remind you that my pronouns are he/him, even when posting sissy content. It's totally fine if you want to call me a "girl" or refer to me as "her" in a teasing manner, but please put some quotes on it for context.

Pray all you want, little guy, but there's no rainclouds coming to save you from your cousin's afternoon tea party at the park with all her friends.

"C'mon, squishy butt, the Daddy Express isn't leaving the station without your crinkly caboose strapped into the carseat - and Tigger too!"

"Naturally, there'll be a diaper change at some point along the way - I would say that exactly when that'll happen is up to you, but we both know that it's way out of your control these days!"

"That wrist leash should keep you from bouncing away while we break in your new denim romper with a full day of errands. The car is getting dirty, so we'll need to hit the car wash. I might even let you work the sprayer and see what it's like to soak something other than your Huggies for once!"

First the babysitter never comes back with the bedtime bottle refill they promised, making out with their boyfriend instead & leaving your nursery lights on in the process... Now, the adults are finally home & they're at it too. You just hope they decide to turn on the baby monitor for foreplay...

"You beg me for weeks to wear blue again, and when I let you, you won't even accompany me for the weekly shopping without making a fuss! I swear, you're the most ungrateful little brat I've ever nannied. I'd spank you right here and now, but the diaper aisle seems like a more appropriate venue.”

You used to be embarrassed when Daddy changed your Pampers at the park. These days, you're just glaring at him from behind your bottle because he interrupted playtime on the jungle gym with a very thourough diaper check that could have waited for the walk back to the van - ugh, he's such a showoff.

You're just so precious when you beg. How could they deny their Pampered Princess his very special day?

🎀 You begged them not to donate all your boy clothes to make room for your new "gifts." 🎀 You begged them to turn down the local TV station's request to record the whole thing for one of their "Weird Wednesday" news segments, which have been going viral online.

The adults were worried that throwing a lavish Disney Princess themed birthday party would spoil you, but you begged them for weeks - and you HAD! 🎀You begged them to cancel it. 🎀You begged them not to send invites to your friends. 🎀You begged them to do it inside so the neighbors won't see.

Sure, you've been drugged, muzzled and blackmailed into living your foreseeable future as part of a "super-squad" of fellow diaper-boys who are expected to play Paw Patrol all-day, everyday for the amusement of some insane millionaire, but at least you get to be Chase!

Mommy promised you'd be back in boy's clothes after the honeymoon. Then you heard Daddy's toast, where he revealed they'd decided to postpone the trip until “our baby is out of diapers.” Seeing the countless pallets of pristine Pampers sitting by the gift table, you knew that day would never come.

It’s just a simple backyard wedding, understandable for a couple with a new baby to provide for. The only problem is, it’s YOUR backyard, and YOU’RE the baby, plus the bride is your ex-girlfriend - but there’s no time to dwell on that - you need to focus on your duties as the Flower “Girl”

EXTERNALLY, you're shoving another spoon of mush into your face. INTERNALLY, you're screaming at yourself to stop, but only your eyes give an indication of whats going on inside the giant toddler thats mindlessly feeding himself while Daddy takes videos to share online. The hypnosis is working...

You didn't think the sissy punishment you earned by straying from Daddy's side at the mall could get any worse, until you heard "Grandma" suggest that it'd be easy for Papa to keep track of his reluctant lil' princess if he just put you in a walking harness & tap-shoes during your daily outings.

"Aww c'mon Lil Skipper, I can barely tell you're wearing them!"

"Why the long face, my sulky little sailor? You asked for an outfit that'd cover up your diaper while we're out shopping, and it looks perfectly covered to me!"

Before anyone else does it... (photo available for licensing!)

Given that it's my profile picture, and I won't have an excuse to put it up for another year, I might as well post this shot from last Easter in my signature blue bunny onesie while I still can!

This morning’s egg hunt may be behind you, but the annual Easter get-together has only just begun. Hearing your name called from the living room for the second time, and knowing what'll happen if a third is required, you start to waddle your way towards the next several hours of humiliation...

Feeling fired up tonight 🔥🚒