batkaren (@batkaren) · DIRTY

batkaren

@batkaren

my mom fucked a bat just my bullshit:

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batkaren@batkaren· 24d

"Hey, pal."

screenshot from the new Avengers Doomsday trailer. Thor is looking at someone off screen. He says "It's not possible."

Diana from the 1984 tv sci-fi series V (she’s posing: one hand on her hip, the other holding a futury looking gun, a seductive gaze on her face, wearing the classic form-hugging red outfit of the Visitors [aliens])

batkaren@batkaren· 28d

BARNEY MILLER: ✔️ ✔️✔️✔️ ✔️✔️✔️ ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️

DUN:
Law & Order:✔️✔️
Britney Spears Hit Me Baby…:✔️✔️✔️
Bride walking down aisle:✔️ ✔️ ✔️✔️
McDonalds:✔️✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ✔️
Mario:✔️✔️ ✔️✔️ ✔️✔️
Mission Impossible: ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️ ✔️✔️
Storm troopers:✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ✔️✔️ ✔️ ✔️✔️

batkaren@batkaren· Jul 13

I know I say it a lot, but this is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: a woman kayaking next to a cat kayaking in a smaller kayak (one more appropriately sized for a cat)—they both have sun visors on.

MY CAPTION: Abaddon had suffered too many indignities at the hands of Linda, not the least of which was having to endure the moniker Mittens. It was time to steer this harridan into a rocky shoreline.

batkaren@batkaren· Jul 12

Targeted ads just decided this was the baseball cap for me!

Pastel purple-pink hat with a 3D octopus foam sculpture in the middle surrounded by lots of floral glittery plants

batkaren@batkaren· Jul 6

Throw back to that time the Six Million Dollar Man pulled in a small dinghy with all the strength of a normal-priced person.

batkaren@batkaren· Jul 4

family looks different to everyone

The 3 main characters of the 1994 film The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert in the Australian Outback wearing full showgirl-level drag: Hugo Weaving as Mitzi, Terence Stamp as Bernadette, and Guy Pearce as Felicia.

batkaren@batkaren· Jul 3

Peyronie's…amirite, The New Yorker?

THE NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: two people in front of a train that suddenly curves up off the tracks straight up into the sky—one of the two people is referencing the train and talking.

MY CAPTION: "Told ya—universe is a simulation!"

batkaren@batkaren· Jun 28

Without downloading new pics, describe your gender with one image

A picture I took of a very bright full moon with some wisps of cloud over it

batkaren@batkaren· Jun 25

a play in two acts

My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog Baker lying in bed staring off into the middle distance

My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog Baker lying in bed now looking sideways because something caught his attention but he refuses to move more than his eyeballs

batkaren@batkaren· Jun 25

THIS IS THE ONE, THE NEW YORKER

NEW YORK CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: an anthropomorphized hotdog walking upright with a smaller anthropomorphized hotdog on a leash walking on all fours with two more upright anthropomorphized hotdogs standing off to the side clearly talking shit about the first two.

MY CAPTION: “WE'RE ALL TRYING TO FIND THE GUY WHO DID THIS”

batkaren@batkaren· Jun 18

This is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: two turtles face-to-face—the one on the right has a soccer ball theme to its shell and a satellite dish on top with an antenna arm that looks like it’s shaking its fist at the heavens

MY CAPTION: “The robot on my back got stuck shaking its fist at god—l'd remove it entirely if we weren't symbiotically linked through my sweet-ass soccer shell.”

batkaren@batkaren· Jun 9

This is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: grocery checkout person behind the counter holds a long receipt and speaks while a dude carries out a mountain of bags draped all over his body (lots of sausages and toilet paper), stacked his height again above him.

MY CAPTION: "Fuckin preppers."

batkaren@batkaren· Jun 3

This is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: three little pigs sit in a restaurant around a trough table looking nervous while a waiter stands next to them

MY CAPTION: “Wait, WHAT is prosciutto?”

batkaren@batkaren· May 19

Real talk, though, The New Yorker: the split should be more open.

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: a medieval battle in front of a castle turret, with two knights in the turret looking down upon the battle and talking about this one knight performing a glorious, breath-taking, balletic leap.

MY CAPTION: "Check this shit out, bro—the guy's grand jeté extension is friggin' sublime-OPE, THEY NICKED HIS FEMORAL!"

batkaren@batkaren· May 16

My beautiful dark-brindle French bulldog Baker, in bed, waking up and crawling out from under the blankets

batkaren@batkaren· May 14

this subtitle broke my little, brain

Subtitle from The Boys ep end credits:
🎶 dream a little, dream or me 🎶

batkaren@batkaren· May 6

“All those moments will be lost in time, like cum in the rain…”

Checkout sticker on a book that says

Virginia Book Company

DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF
DICK

batkaren@batkaren· May 3

Didn’t even stop when a mallard swam by.

Same image of one turtle mounting another with the baby behind them, facing away, but from a different angle as a green-headed mallard duck swims behind the turtles doing it

batkaren@batkaren· May 2

Nature is wondrous. Saw turtles doing it in front of their baby today.

One turtle mounting another with a tiny baby turtle right behind them

batkaren@batkaren· Apr 28

This is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: two Neanderthals/cave people—one of them is chipping away at huge rocks making them into giant Lego blocks, and the other one is speaking

MY CAPTION: "Do smaller so enemies step on barefoot."

batkaren@batkaren· Apr 19

Guess whose broker just told her how her portfolio’s loaded

Sandra Bullock in Variety, with text saying: “Sandra Bullock Supports Al and Says ‘We Have to Make It Our Friend' and ‘Lean Into It': ‘I Do Feel
There's a Place For It’”

batkaren@batkaren· Apr 18

This is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: two dogs on the ground looking up at the moon, but it’s a giant white cat’s head

MY CAPTION: "One day, papa, I WILL destroy the cat-moon."

batkaren@batkaren· Apr 7

Haha me with Screech (not so fun fact: he got a bit handsy)

Me and Dustin Diamond

batkaren@batkaren· Apr 6

This is the one, The New Yorker!

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: a buff person at the gym doing squats while holding a dumbbell, speaking to the person behind them, who appears to be Atlas holding a globe on his back (and who’s in face range of the squatter’s butt).

MY CAPTION: “Eat my farts, Ayn Randian tool.”

batkaren@batkaren· Apr 3

It’s my birthday! Gaze upon my beautiful batdog chewing a toy stick.

My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog on a bed chewing a fake stick. His ears stick out, gloriously large and pointy, like a bat.

batkaren@batkaren· Mar 31

wow that’s a fucking headline

Breaking news: Penn must give Trump administration a list of Jews on campus, judge rules

The New York Times
March 31, 2026, 4:30 p.m. ET
BREAKING NEWS
Rachel Wisniewski for The New York Times
Federal Judge Approves Trump Effort to Obtain List of Jews From Penn

batkaren@batkaren· Mar 30

Mean Girls “get in, loser” meme. The three original mean girls sit in a car, and the text says: GET IN LOSER,
I'M YOUR DAD NOW, AND WE'RE GETTING TO THE AIRPORT
14 HOURS BEFORE THE FLIGHT. ACTUALLY, BETTER MAKE IT 16.

batkaren@batkaren· Mar 25

Brutal crossword clue. Even if you didn’t go with The Wire or Luther, you couldn’t give him Zootopia 2?

Elba of “Cats”

batkaren@batkaren· Mar 18

I bet the therapist bagel is just doodling little bagels, too, The New Yorker.

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST

IMAGE: an anthropomorphized poppy seed bagel lies on a couch, seemingly speaking to an anthropomorphized sesame seed bagel therapist in the chair next to the couch (writing in a notepad)—above them on the wall hangs what is presumably a diploma—on it, the little certification sticker appears to be a tiny bagel

MY CAPTION: “...and then she says I'm not doughy enough for— Wait. Does your diploma have a little bagel on it?!”

batkaren@batkaren· Mar 14

Baker’s thinking

My beautiful dark-brindle French bulldog sitting on the bed, staring off pensively