brainplan

@brainplan

Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.

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brainplan@brainplan· 28d

the Cody Bellinger stoned looking All-Star MVP portrait, pasted into the center of a pic of a 1970s vintage black light poster, a psychedelic swamp like scene where it looks like stoned Bellinger is rising out of a technicolor swamp

brainplan@brainplan· 28d

mlb social media director: you post that Cody Bellinger All-Star MVP graphic? intern: sure did boss, real fuckin zooted just like you asked mlb social media director: what

the mlb post announcing Cody Bellinger as ASG MVP, featuring a portrait of Bellinger inside a star looking like he is stoned out of his mind

brainplan@brainplan· 28d

Dave Roberts going to the bullpen and what the hell

Jonathan “Pappy” Papelbon, in a Phillies uniform, grabbing his crotch

brainplan@brainplan· 28d

you folks know about deerhoof, right

brainplan@brainplan· 28d

bummer for Schwarber that he just missed out on the big paycheck last night but I gotta say, the HR Derby runner-up prize wasn’t too shabby either

screenshot from a yahoo sports article about the prizes awarded to the participants in last night’s MLB Home Run Derby, text reads:

“• Winner: Jordan Walker, St.
Louis Cardinals ($1 million)

• Runner-up: Kyle Schwarber, Philadelphia Phillies (1 "certified diarrhea parasite free" head of lettuce)

(I altered this entry, of course, his actual prize was $500,000)

• Non-Finalist Participants: Junior
Caminero, Tampa Bay Rays; Willson Contreras, Boston Red Sox; Bryce Harper, Philadelphia Phillies; Ben Rice, New York Yankees; Munetaka Murakami, Chicago White Sox; Jac Caglianone, Kansas City Royals ($150,000 each)

• Longest Home Run: 491 feet — Junior Caminero, Tampa Bay Rays ($100,000)”

brainplan@brainplan· 28d

interesting

social media post from Vice featuring a photo illustration of earth as seen from space with some asteroids in the foreground; the original accompanying headline read “SCIENTISTS HAVE A NEW PLAN FOR NUKING ASTEROIDS, AND IT INVOLVES SPACE DRILLS”

I altered the post to change the word DRILLS to PANTS in the headline and pasted a pic of Peter Dinklage from the Space Pants sketch on SNL floating in space with the asteroids

brainplan@brainplan· 28d

it is All-Star Tuesday, and it is #RockOnTuesday it can be two things, that’s why it’s called Tuesday, the more you know

extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s

Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea

in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 12

I bring you love

detail of pic in post quoted here zooming in on Mitch McConnell; I pasted black dots over his pupils to give him that “Mr. Burns when people thought he was an alien” look

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 10

in 2021 I did a dumb drawing on a sheet of mini yellow legal pad paper every day for the whole year, this is one of them and it is very dumb but I like it

drawing made with black ink rollerball pen on a sheet of mini yellow legal pad paper

the top third of the drawing is a front view of a three-seat couch with a table sitting next to it at its right (viewer’s left) with the caption “BEGINNING TABLE” written below it; the table has a lamp on top of it and two books on the shelf built into it below the table

the middle “panel” (I didn’t separate the sections of this into traditional panels with borders) is the same couch and same table with lamp and books but the table is sitting on top of the middle couch cushion and the caption “MIDDLE TABLE” is written below the couch

the bottom panel is the same couch and table but the table us now to the left of the couch (viewer’s right) and the caption “END TABLE” is written below the couch

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 10

TGIWFWTD

pic by Nathan Howard for Reuters of the Washington Monument as seen from the ground during last weekend’s 4th of July fireworks show in DC

the monument has images projected on the two visible sides of it made to resemble neon signs; one side reads “FREEDOM” vertically and the other has “250” vertically on a blue background and both sides have white outlines of 3 stars above the text and red and white horizontal stripes above and below the text

the monument looks ominous against a purplish gray sky filled with smoke and lightning and fireworks; the silhouettes of multiple people gathered to watch the show are visible in the foreground, framing the bottom of the pic

white text that I added to the top right hand corner of the pic reads “it’s Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 9

had a great facetime call with our friend Sen. Mitch McConnell earlier today, he said “help me” (I think, audio was bad) and I said “you’re too close to your phone, pull it back and watch your little thumbnail screen and try to center yourself in it” but then the call disconnected he’s doing well!

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 9

screenshot from a weird ass ig reel with some linkedin-brained loser teaching you how to keep your hands in “the zone of influence”

he is standing in front of a hotel lobby looking green screen and wearing dorkass business casual clothes, text on the image reads “Keep your hands in the zone of influence Read caption for more details…” and his entire body is tinted fluorescent green with a fluorescent green box around him outlining the “zone of influence” (from your shoulders to just below your waist); this dumbwiener is pushing the stupid MBA brainworms idea that having your hands at your side makes you look weak, you have to constantly be gesturing CEO style like fuckin Andrew Yang or someone to be successful in life according to this weird loser, real dipshit hours with this guy

screenshot of Renata Bliss, your freestyle dance teacher, busting a move with her arms in the zone of influence, that dorkwad in the other pic would be so proud

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 8

always happy to be able to watch the game around these parts but

the Dean Norris smiling/Dean Norris scowling meme

caption on the smiling pic reads “BEING ABLE TO WATCH THE PHILLIES OUT OF MARKET” and the caption on the scowling pic reads “ESPN BROADCAST TEAM”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 8

what the hell

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 8

who cares, I already have one of these

social media post from MLB that reads “The 2026 T-Mobile Home Run Derby Chain has been revealed 💎

Representing Philadelphia and America's 250th birthday, this year's chain features a casting of the Liberty Bell and 250 mixed-cut rubies”

below the caption there is a detail pic of the HR Derby chain featuring the Liberty Bell shaped medallion; it’s gaudy as fuck but kinda hilariously ugly, idk maybe it’s cooler looking in person, it has “2026 DERBY CHAMP” spelled out in rubies on it

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 8

all right Phils

pic of a young, mop topped Ringo Starr wearing a black turtleneck and looking slightly to his left, smiling, on a solid blue background

a Phillies cap is pasted on his head and red text in the upper right hand corner of the pic reads “#RingTheBell”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

you may have seen some stories going around about there being raffles at Taylor Swift’s and Travis Kelce’s wedding and they’re true, I won one of them! it was for an item labeled MYSTERY BAG and these cool dolls were inside it thanks, T&T!

a creepy ass vintage doll with a bisque head and hands and glass eyes and a cloth body, it is a baby doll with short red hair and the cloth body is stained and discolored, a real “don’t fall asleep in the same room as this thing” situation

another creepy ass vintage doll with a ceramic/porcelain body (?…maybe), and “real” hair and a cloth diaper

the head is more pale than the rest of the body so it looks like a baby clown for extra creepiness, the blond hair is kind of disheveled, and one of its feet is broken

it also has extremely dead eyes, the whole look is “this doll will straight up murder you, better lock up all your knives”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

I don’t think this actually happened

screenshot of that dumbass tweet from dumbass Scott Jennings where he claimed he spoke with Mitch McConnell this morning, I altered the text to read:

“I spoke to my old friend Mitch McConnell this morning, the senior Senator from Kentucky. He's still recovering in the hospital. We talked for just shy of 20 minutes... about capri pants, mostly. I told him I don't care for them, personally. I say when you buy pants they should give you ALL of the pants! Or at the very least give you a 20% discount since you're getting 20% less pants. You hear me, Kohl's? You should do this.”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

here, are you people happy now, he’s never looked better imo

pic of that alleged alien body that was displayed in Mexico a few years back, which looked like if you had partially cremated ET

the body is displayed in a dark brown wooden box with a clear glass cover, inside the box surrounded by an off white silky sheet is the body, which is very gray and mostly dust but does have sort of the shape of a stereotypical alien body (long skinny arms and legs, etc.)

a pic of Mitch McConnell’s head has been pasted over the alien head

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

btw I looked it up just in case this was an existing name from pop culture that was buried in my subconscious but apparently not, if google is to be believed (these days with all the ai nonsense they’re shoving into it you never know)

screenshot of google search results when I searched “scott hellbarf” where google is asking me if I meant either “scott helberg” or “scott hallberg”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

BREAKING NEWS: CHILD IS GROWING

social media post with a pic of Prince William and family with headline reading “Kate Middleton, Prince William’s Son George Is Nearly Taller Than His Mom in New Family Photo”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

unless there’s something we don’t know about Dennis, this could work

the “Personal life” section of Nina Blackwood’s wikipedia page, which reads:

“Blackwood, who was briefly married to a man named Dennis and has no children, lives on a farm in coastal Maine. A longtime animal lover, her farm acts as an animal sanctuary and is home to numerous dogs, cats, birds, horses, and other creatures.

Blackwood is known for her raspy voice, something she's had since she was a child, and has stated that it's gotten more pronounced as she has aged.”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

oh no

scene from The Lawnmower Man when The Lawnmower Man is in The Lawnmower Man machine that makes him a genius and it’s the comically crude by today’s standards CGI and he’s like a purplish robot with a gold musculoskeletal system and there’s electricity radiating off him but Mitch McConnell’s head is pasted over genius robot The Lawnmower Man’s head

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 7

he was upset after somehow getting it in his head that being married meant he and Jason couldn’t be brothers anymore

social media post from TMZ featuring a pic of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift kissing (I think after the Chiefs won the Super Bowl in 2023 or 2024) with the headline “TRAVIS KELCE REPORTEDLY CRIED DURING TAYLOR SWIFT WEDDING VOWS”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 6

listen, I’m just going to assume that the whole team is gassed because they haven’t had a day off in [checks notes]

a painting of a white jesus in which he is staring directly at the viewer, looking disappointed

I pasted a phillies cap on his head

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 6

the new fry cook Mon Dattingly hired is giving him fits, he’s trying to be patient with him because he knows the guy is trying to turn his life around but the dude can’t do ANYTHING right

Star Wars card featuring legendary Star Wars character Elan Sleazebaggano, Spice Dealer

he has brown hair styled in a sort of bad Elvis impersonator look, a dark scarf, dark jacket and button down shirt that appears to have almost a miniature leopard skin like pattern on it

classic spice dealer look, amirite

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 6

the creator of Triscuits

the classic “Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades” headline from The Onion but it says “Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Three Scuits”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 6

pic from post quoted with alt text

2.7 Why Capitalism Rocks!
Lecturer: Mike Whalen (Pres. and CEO, Heart of America)
This presentation will discuss the human and economic reasons why capitalism not only works but rocks, providing superior benefits to humanity in comparison to all other economic systems. The lengthy and rather miserable history of almost all human existence will be briefly explored. This long period of pretty crappy stasis was followed by an explosion of wealth and freedom in just the past few hundred years. This explosive launch, often termed "The Great Enrichment", is the most dynamic thing that has happened in human history. It has elevated and liberated, in a relatively very short time, a good deal of humankind out of the mud and from crippling disease, grinding subsistence, short life spans, and general misery, and it continues to do so for millions of people every year.
This pro human explosion was a result of the growth of the radical concept of personal liberty and its companion free market capitalism.
The reason why capitalism generally makes humans better people and why capitalism is more fun will be explored. The inherent inferior structural dynamics of the dominant competing economic models, alternatively termed collectivism, authoritarianism, Marx-ism, fascism, and communism according to its variants of large state control, will be discussed as well.”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 6

huh, I didn’t know that

altered skeet from Chuck Schumer that reads “The founding fathers called America ‘Gregory.’”

brainplan@brainplan· Jul 5

who gave him the top hat