Gordita Shumway

@businesssocks

from the old times, when wishing still helped oops all pronouns . parent . neurospice . hairdresser . exvangelical . abolition . weird li'l guy the mightiest oaks grow from the richest manure pfp: Madame Leota from Disney's Haunted Mansion banner: spume

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Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· 1d

These kids, man.

A still photo of the bottom half of a First Day of School sign kids hold up in pictures. It indicates the child is in 2nd grade. There are prompts with the child's answers digitally added. They read as follows: "I am excited to learn: about animals. I am really good at: building. My favorite color: dark blue. When I grow up I want to be: an American Ninja Warrior."

A still photo of the bottom half of a First Day of School sign kids hold up in pictures. It indicates the child is in Kinder. There are prompts and the child's answers have been digitally added. They read as follows: "I am excited to learn: where the drain goes, from the tub. I am really good at: fighting. My favorite color: rainbow. When I grow up I want to be: an American Ninja Warrior."

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· 14d

5 may have checked out the single greatest library find in the history of ever. I don't want to spoil anything, but Circe is played by Zecora.

A still photograph of the cover of a graphic novel titled My Little Pony Classics Reimagined: The Odyssey

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jul 10

I love sharing photo rolls with husbo. Just took this one and it only took him five minutes to get worried.

A still photograph of a grey rolling bookshelf containing several books. The book in focus is titled Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jun 29

"*I* was saying boo-zil"

A still image from the Simpsons of Hans Moleman sitting in a seat in a theatre.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jun 27

A screenshot of a phone browser displaying the results of a political alignment quiz. The results are displayed as percentages on a horizontal bar scale. These read: 95% Woke/5% Chud, 25% Techbro/75% Neo-Luddite, 33% Hopepilled/67% Doomer, 83% Davos/17% Dubai. At the bottom, it says, "Your closest match: Greta Thunberg" and shows a picture of Greta. The link to this quiz is in the first reply to the quoted skeet.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jun 26

Wild Wheels, and I weep that my children will never know their glory.

A still photo from a promo ad of Kraft macaroni and cheese dinner shape Wild Wheels, with a cartoon anthropomorphized skateboard, biplane, and 4wheeler ATV, all with giant monster truck wheels. The pasta on the box mirrors the wheel shape of these characters.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jun 19

5 has provided an uncannily accurate depiction of my stress level

A still photo of a child's drawing in brown marker on lined paper. The drawing depicts a circle containing a smile with three rows of a grid of teeth and two giant eyes, created by a five-year-old drawing circles over and over on top of each other. To the left is the word MOM with an arrow pointing to the face.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jun 12

It's not every day a non-fiction book makes me laugh this hard. H.W. Brands absolutely roasts the FUCK out of Jefferson. I think I'm going to read his FDR book next.

A still image of a book cover. The author is H.W. Brands, the title is Founding Partisans: Hamilton, Madison, Jefferson, Adams, and the Brawling Birth of American Politics

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· May 3

All companies are evil for sure. I really like the CeraVe Skin Renewing Night Cream.

A cropped screenshot from the HEB app of CeraVe Skin Renewing Night Cream, 1.7oz, listed for $16.21 each ($9.54/oz)

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· May 2

Star Wars storytime at the library, complete with members of the local 501st, and this year they had a Darth Maul craft. I present to you 7's:

A craft pieced and glued from cut out paper that looks like Darth Maul is disgruntled and also possibly a baby?

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Apr 11

Sharing this Louisiana miracle

A still photo of a cloudy sky with a rainbow. There is a Waffle House in the foreground at the end of the rainbow.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Apr 5

Best Star Trek crew, wrong answer only

A still photograph of Joey Arias, Klaus Nomi, and David Bowie singing at microphones on stands. They are singing The Man Who Sold the World on Saturday Night Live in 1979.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Apr 4

Describe your Bluesky account in a single image.

A still photo of a section of wall between two windows secured with elaborate iron grating. Graffiti in black spray paint reads, "LIBERTÉ EGALITÉ ANXIETÉ"

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Feb 12

THIS IS HOW YOU EARN MY VOTE

A photograph of a small corner of a political mailer showing a black and white photo of known asshole Stephen Miller looking extremely pouty with red devil horns that have the appearance of being hand drawn.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Dec 23

"Eww, look up there! A dead pig!" -5

A still photograph of a roof over a picnic area at a municipal park. On top of the roof is a naked doll missing at least one foot, possibly other body parts.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Nov 20

If you have a minor in your life who needs a reason to give up six seven, my 1st grader drew this on the back of a test.

A still photo of a green piece of paper with a pencil drawing depicting the numbers six and seven in block type with scribbled spikes around their perimeters, smiley faces, and feet.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Oct 30

How you know you're raising kids in Texas.

A photo of a child's school work, instructions read, "Identify the CVC word", the choices are bag, can, and bat. A picture printed looks like a grocery bag, is colored with markers to look like a brown grocery bag with a red oval that reads H.E.B. in black letters.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Oct 22

Hot bitches vote early. I am AGAINST Texas amendment 14, it puts Daniel Patrick and Gregory Abbott holding purse strings of bureaucracy, instead of giving control of dementia research funds where it belongs, with scientists and doctors.

Business Socks, a white femme human with messy hair wearing a sticker on zero shirt that reads, "I voted early!", sitting in the driver's seat of a minivan.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Aug 8

Helping my elementary theatre teacher friend set up her classroom. This board only came with two Ys, wtf

A still photo of a grey felt letter board that reads, in white letters:

"WELCOME BACK
YOUNG
SCRAPPY
& HUNGEE"

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Aug 3

Last saved celebrity photo is my therapist? Sickos Fred Rogers sounds like I'm going to be fine.

Fred Rogers looking into his own television studio house through its front window. The huge smile, wide eyes, and lifted eyebrows is uncannily reminiscent of the Onion Sickos meme.

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jul 27

SHUT THE FUCK UP AHSOKA JUST WALKED 4YO TO GO MEET THE MANDALORIAN

A photo from the back of me holding my kid's hand, holding Ahsoka Tano's hand, the Mandalorian's helmet is visible in a crowd of people in the background

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jul 22

*Lenny Kravitz voice*

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jul 17

What the fuck is this hotel room hook doing?

A photo taken from a hotel bed of the entry way in a hotel room, showing a thermostat, a light fixture on the ceiling, and a peg shaped hook that is maybe seven feet high on the wall

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jul 15

my homeland's heritage

Gordita Shumway@businesssocks· Jul 9

Like, when I tell you we turned the corner and this is the view that had me in tears and that it was so vibrant and saturated in person, you'd think I was saturated in disassociatives.