Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief

@carmeinreed

FF14 player (Carmein Reed @ Cactuar), mother of Jools, wife to an adorable trans husband. Spheal is the best boi. Pushing 40, white, she/her, queer, gnc, PCOS, T2 beetus, depression, untreated ADHD. Enjoy the fruits of my ramblings. Or don't.

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Bluesky

Ist das dein Profil?Übernimm es — dann gehört dir carmeinreed.dirty.social.Profil übernehmen

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· 1d

If anyone heard tell of the storm that knocked out power to large swathes of the Chicagoland/Northwest Indiana area, me and mine are fine, but here's some pics from my yard

Storm dage near a garage. The truck was like that before the storm I promise

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· 6d

Look at this party! #smoochasteriaap

A group of FFXIV players are gathered in a player's house that resembles the Crystal Tower and are alternately dancing, cheering with glow sticks, or just chillin in the periphery

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· 6d

I think this needs work but #ffxiv #ff14

Now that's what I call music but it says please look forward to it

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· 9d

Carmein in her element vs. when you put a grimoire in her hands. She had an education, so she can read the words, but all this arcane geometry is beyond her. She will instead do her magic instinctually instead of on purpose. #wolqotd #Carmein #andherwife

Carmein, a dark skinned Elezen with purple hair, looks down her massive Dark Knight broadsword. She is wearing a feathered cap, lavendar gloves, and buttoned cuffs with frills sticking out.

Carmein, a dark skinned elezen is in a very geometric hat with a yellow tuft on top, and black trousers. Most of her torso is hidden behind a massive grimoire. She is analyzing a blue Carbuncle in the foreground.

Carmein, a dark skinned elezen is in a very geometric hat with a yellow tuft on top, and black trousers. She is wearing a brown and white tunic with lots of extra straps and zippers. The massive grimoire is resting on her hip. A large pink question marks hovers over her head while she considers the same Carbuncle. Some animated flora lurks in the background ominously.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· 19d

Carmein's ready to be the very BST, like no one ever was! #Beastmaster #FFXIV #FF14 #elezen #gpose

A dark-skinned Elezen stands with a fist outstretched in defiance of all who would oppose her. At her feet are a Pikachu-- I mean Topaz Carbuncle and a Coblyn Larva. She is dressed like Ash Ketchum from the first season of the Pokemon show

The same shot, from a rear view. The Carbuncle is looking in the same direction as the Elezen, but the Coblyn Larva is looking off to one side, because it is the Wobbuffet of this party.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jul 10

Y'all wanna see how I almost died last week? (No blood or anything, just a concrete jumpscare) EB on 94 in Indiana, approx 80mph at approx 2:30am (on my way to work) Audio is just car noises and me cussing a lot, nbd to leave it muted #dashcam

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jul 9

Was listening to the radio on the way home from work today because I don't have a book on the go at present. They played "Pony" by Ginuwine (1996). They cut out the first clause of the chorus, throwing off the entire meter and just kind of slamming into it without the musical rise it should have.

Screenshot from Lyrics Genius with the chorus of "Pony"

[Chorus]
If you're horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony
My saddle's waitin', come and jump on it
If you're horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony
My saddle's waitin', come and jump on it

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jun 21

Happy Father's Day to this one in particular! #ffxiv #ff14 #housefortemps #edmontdefortemps

A straight-on shot of Edmont de Fortemps from Final Fantasy 14. Voiced in English by the late, great Stephen Critchlow. RIP

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jun 20

Decorated office doors are fine and good but this one is kind of a mess. Also should I tell them the rainbow of hearts looks like some very long weiners? #pride

An office door decorated for Pride, covered in handmade rainbow block letters. The "I" in "pride" appears to be upside down. "Oneness" written on Pride flag hearts vertically down the left side is hard to read because the white lettering is hard to make out against the yellow and white stripes without a black border.

The centerpiece is an arching rainbow made of densely packed paper hearts, each topped with a larger heart than the constituent ones. It's very phallic.

Tl;dr: an office door decorated by a straight middle aged woman for Pride

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jun 12

House panther problems. I see yours also has a white spot! This is Jools!

A photo of a black cat with a white spot on her chest. She is lying on a hoodie covered in Spheal. She is looking off to the right toward a window out of frame, but lighting the shot.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jun 10

Found it! It's in this journal article, ostensibly about Shakespeare but there's a sidebar about Kaczynski. Relevant bit highlighted in orange. "You can't eat your cake and have it too" linguafranca.mirror.theinfo.org/9807/crain.h...

A segment of the linked article with "the 'corrected' cliche 'you can't eat your cake and have it, too.'"

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· May 23

Interesting questions I actually had to think about. I'll opineore on my next break lol

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· May 21

This is my daughter Jools! There are many like her, but this one is mine! (And @november.at.app.wafrn.net )

A black cat with yellow eyes is laying loaf-shaped on a backpack on the floor

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· May 19

Why is the font so tiny? But the boi is round. It reads "He is the roundest boi" #sphealposting #spheal

Screenshot of a pixel art Spheal generated from the web site linked in the qrp, with the text "He is the roundest boi" underneath in the tiniest font imaginable

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· May 18

Here's my solution:

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Apr 21

GUESS WHO HAS TWO THUMBS TO TYPE THIS AND IS NOW OFFICIALLY A CANADIAN CITIZEN!? IT ME! #canada #lgbt #getmeoutofhere

A photo of a Certificate of Canadian Citizenship bearing the Canadian national crest (?). It is bilingual, reading Certificate of Canadian Citizenship in both English and French, English on the left, French on the right. The lower portion of the image is a torn envelope bearing a small Canadian flag and identifying it as coming from Immigration, Refugees, and Citizenship Canada. The same text in French is to the right of it.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Apr 11

I may or may not have a bias toward Fat Cats... I had some leftover Crysta after renewing my sub so I got the shirts. I already had the Fat Cat outfit because.... see my earlier statement. #ff14 #ffxiv #fatcat #gpose

Carmein, a dark-skinned elf with short purple hair and long ears stands in an inn room. She is wearing close-fitting orange tshirt with a Fat Cat and a taco on it. It reads "Aunt Tii's Tacos". Her pants are short cropped in Fat Cat calico stripes. She has Fat Cat shaped slippers. What is Fat Cat's shape? A friend

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Apr 8

As promised, here's Viera Carmein and the standard-issue version I already had saved to my computer, both from the second version of the DT benchmark #ffxiv #ff14 #elezen #viera

Special edition Viera Carmein, stil with dark skin, the tallest possible ears, also with short purple hair, eyes, eye makeup and lip color.

Standard issue Elezen Carmein, essential features include the longest ears possible, and the most pronounced nose possible. Her skin is dark, and her hair, eyes, eye makeup, and lipcolor are all purple

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Apr 5

Been playing Blush Blush, an idle otome game and uh. I have questions about your chopstick technique, my guy

A man sits across the table from the viewer, his black hair up in a man bun. He has medium tan skin (compared to the other boys in the game) and a black goatee and mustache.

In his right hand, he is holding a pair of chopsticks between his pointer and middle fingers. Where are your thumbs, sir?

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Apr 1

I feel seen #ffxiv #ff14 #aprilfools #ffxivcollect

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Mar 19

The time has come! This is the one starring Blake Ritson and John Hurt. #Aymeric #thisisgoingtodothingstomyapostatecatholicbrain #myoldcult

A screenshot of Libby showing that the BBC4 dramatization of The Divine Comedy is available to borrow

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Feb 25

Spent some time today doing something with my hands. Built the #Nanoblocks #mew whilst watching an old Temp6t compliation. His shennanigans always give me the giggles even if I know little about Pokemon Showdown Strats

A small blocky Mew from Pokemon stands in a desk out of focus. In focus in the background is a Pokemon battle.

A blocky Mew sits in focus in the foreground on the desk. In the background out of focus is a Pokemon battle

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Feb 10

Jool's says I can't go pick up her daddy from work because she needs to nap on my Spheal hoodie. Also I sure did wear that hoodie in my Canadian Citizenship Certificate photo.

A black cat with a white spot on her chest is lying on a hoodie covered in Spheal. She is looking to the right, toward an out-of-frame window.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jan 31

Finally tried this. Baby's first lip plumping gloss. It's not too bad, but it's pushing toward the upper limit of my tolerance. If the black one is even stronger, then I'm good lmao Do these things die down after a while? Or does the burn continue until you take it off? #sephora #lipgloss #makeup

A Caucasian hand holding the Sephora Collection X Tabasco collab plumping lip gloss. It is a bright red vial with a rubbery sleeve that makes it look more like a small bottle of Tabasco sauce.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jan 23

Have I bragged about my cute husband and daughter today? Hubby doesn't wanna be posted but here's my daughter. Her name is Jools #blackcat #Spheal Bonus round son

A black cat lounges on a recliner. She is joined by a napping Spheal

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jan 18

Does anyone know what these are? I got them from my local Asian grocer. Its Phillipine-owned but they have stuff from all over. Its got smooth Azuki in it, and the crust is flaky. They also have a wintermelon flavor #Asian #vietnamese #Chinese #thai #dessert

A treat in a plastic cloche, showing a flaky buttery crust

The treat is broken open, showing the red bean paste inside

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jan 7

Zodiark is getting a ride from his fell steed, Carbuncle #ff14 #ffxiv #zodiark #carbuncle

The Zodiark Idol minion is clipping into the Carbuncle as if it is riding sidesaddle

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jan 7

Finally did Heavensturn. I feel like this is the first time I got anything better than like, neutral lmao Also the Prosperity one is bs, I lost at the casino today lmao #ff14 #ffxiv #heavensturn

A dark-skinned elf in cowboy-esque clothing is looking at something in her hand, which is presumably the omikuji which is displayed in a black box below.

The box reads: "Small Fortune

Thou shalt experience limited fortune. Keep these words of guidance in thy heart.

Adventure: Hearken to the pleas of those in need, no matter their race or creed.
Relationships: Help those in need, and friendship shall bloom.
Prosperity: If thou fearest not to lose, thou shalt stand to gain.
Conflict: Be not complacent. Remain vigilant from beginning to the end.
Favor: Be dextrous like unto the Builder, and thy tools shall never fail thee."

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Jan 1

Happy new year friends! I forgot my light up NYE stuff but work was giving these out. #newyearseve #nye2026 #selfie

A selfie of a chubby white woman, in a dark navy vest and pink shirt with navy trim. She is wearing thick rimmed black and gold glasses. She has short medium blond hair in a masculine cut.

Lance, the Bisexual Valor Thief@carmeinreed· Dec 17

C'mon, just drop one little morsel for the baby... #ffxiv #ff14 #starlight2025 #fatcat #tacocat