Exhibit B) I really need Michelle Yeoh to sit on my face while she administers the Voight Kampff test.
Oh, thanks for the lovely flowers that are definitely not body snatcher pods. I think I’ll put them next to my bed and have a nice nap…
Plans for today: Eat the fuck out of this apple pie like the Goddamn American I am, despite the fact that so many of my fellow citizens wish people like me didn't count. Happy 4th, Queerdos and Perverts! And the rest of you too, I guess.
Question for older top surgery havers: Do the grooves in your shoulders from years of bra strap torture go away once you don't need one anymore?
Being very normal and also 57 now, apparently. With the Lady V. Thanks everybody, for all the birthday wishes!
Birthday deliciousness from delicious babe @lamaupin.bsky.social 🖤
Why yes, I AM the queer non-binary Walter Sobchak, thanks for noticing. Currently enjoying my gay coffee.
My little pride flag has been replaced and is now on lockdown via security cable and multiple padlocks.
Some miserable fuck in my neighborhood ripped the cute little pride flag off my mailbox. Of course you realize this means war.
My feral hair is attacking the city, call 911! In other news I’m very cool and sexy please validate me with lots of emojis. 📎🤸🪵🌂
Bonus - Hot Crime Daddy Nikolaj Lie Kaas also gets tied up. You're welcome.
My Birthday Month has been sub fucking optimal so far, Faustketeers. Better self-medicate by rewatching Cobra Woman, starring my eternal crush and fellow June baby Maria Montez.
Bad Ear is Worse. Recommend some horror movies where creepy sounds are a key part of the story.
Bad Ear is acting up again, which is frankly homophobic (during Pride month?) and disrespectful (during my birthday month?!?) so I'm stuck in Couch City watching movies again. Recommend your favorite queer flicks to get me through this woozy-ass bullshit.
Am I on T, or did I accidentally get in a telepod with a fly? This my calf, BTW. I’ve always been a relatively hairless cat, even without shaving. Pop Faust had minimal body hair too, so maybe it’s genetic? Anyway, I guess this is the best my body can do.
Not that it would have mattered, because the type of guy who does shit like that wouldn't listen no matter what I said. Anyway here's a superior choice of neckwear for your canine companion.
Remember, kids: Prong collars are for use on consenting kinky humans ONLY.
Happy Gemini Season to all my fellow Chaos Bringers, Bisexual Menaces, and Silver-Tongued Devils! The rest of you should start planning what to get me for my birthday.
Share someone who looks stylish wearing SUNGLASSES How about a double feature? Also, incidentally, my favorite Film Noir crackship. And yes, they keep the sunglasses on.
I just said "mountain's out" to my dog, in case you were wondering how my transition from Daddy to Gig Harbor Grandad is going.