"The oldest human mummies were slowly smoked 14,000 years ago" Well, people had more time 14,000 years ago, so they were able to sit around in leather chairs at the Club, taking their time savoring a fine human mummy along with a glass of wine.

"Sperm donors need limits, says a European fertility group" Oh, come on. Everyone needs a hobby.

"Natural sugar discovered in cloud of dust and gas near centre of Milky Way" A relief! I've stopped using artificial sweeteners, and I didn't want to give up eating Milky Ways. (I admit surprise at a cloud of dust and gas at their center. I'd have figured that for 3 Musketeers.)

I am being spied upon by a neighbor's Sunflowers. They're being very obvious about it.

"Explosive Diarrhea's Nemesis;" I'm not an MD, so I'm just guessing here, but is it: Preparation Flex-Seal?

"What's Your Response to the Latest Stomach Bug?" Frankly, about two pounds down; maybe a little more.

"Something on Pluto and one of Saturn’s moons, Titan, absorbs light in a way unexplained by anything in spectroscopic databases.' Oh. By the way, I saw "Project Hail Mary". Pretty good.

"#Trump declares ceasefire with #Iran over during angry broadside at #Nato summit" Or: "Fucking Moron, Who Fucks Everything Up, Fucks Up Yet Again Because He Has No Idea What He's Doing Because He's a Fucking Moron."

"'Explosive' Diarrhea Clusters" Nominee: Worst-ever See's Candy Name"

"Democrats begin withdrawing endorsements of Graham Platner after Senate candidate is accused of sexual assault". It's true; things look bad for #Platner. But, on the positive side: he could easily run as a #Republican - he's pre-qualified.

If Michelangelo had had my cats.

I've been hearing this one song today, and I know the words, but I can't place the melody:

"The cannibalistic trade-off: Why human cannibalism emerges and why taboos suppress it" Turns out cannibalism isn't healthy, so, if that was your plan for the 4th, stick to hot dogs. Which, admittedly, aren't all that good for you either, but are probably better than people.

"Coffee Lovers and Their Livers Can Celebrate, Study Suggests — Five or more cups a day linked to the greatest benefit" Rsearchers said it could be that more is even better, but they couldn't understand what anyone who drank more than 5 cups a day was saying.* *probably

"RFK Jr. says #Cassidy accusing him of breaking promises ‘not true’" Known liar #RFKJr claims that someone calling him a liar is lying. OK, #Wormy; whatever you say.

"Sex could help wounds heal faster by reducing stress". Also, apropos of nothing: I have a boo-boo.

"GOP Sen. Cassidy seeks to explain RFK Jr. confirmation vote for Health and Human Services" Too bad the Constitution prohibits a sitting senator from actually reading anything about a nominee for HHS, otherwise Cassidy would have known #RFKjr is a full-on loon. @SenBillCassidy

"Texas makes Bible passages required reading for millions of public school students" #TexasEducationBoard: UnAmercan assholes.

I've used the Samsung Health app for years. All of my info is in it. Height, weight, age, gender. And today, it asked me when my last period was.

"Faecal transplant makes the brains of old mice act young again". So... assuming this is true for human beings, soon, when someone refers to you as "Hey, Shit-for-brains", it'll be a compliment.* *I don't make the news; I just report it.

"US-Iran talks strained as Trump threats spark Iranian walkout" Process this: #Trump is such a #fuckingasshole that he has managed to make the full-on monsters running #Iran look serious, rational, and reliable by comparison.

"Locked in" They must stay up at night, trying to come up with phrasing that they think men want to read. Damned right I want 'em locked in; last time they got out, it was mayhem.

"Sperm have been made magnetic to allow IVF inside the body" Spouse, entering kitchen in the morning: "Baby, I hope your insomnia was better last night. Wait... what the hell is all over the fridge!?"

"Can smartphones help explain the drop in birth rates?" It'd be great if there were a conclusion you could draw *other* than getting a 2 on #Wordle is more appealing than diddling your partner...

Tempus Keeps on Fugiting Dept: Used to be I'd use Tuner Cleaner on scratchy potentiometers. Then, on circuitboard connectors. But now... the cans are labeled as good for cleaning drones as first use.

"JD Vance says he will discuss 2028 presidential run after midterm elections" Translation: #JDVance is so virulently unpopular that even mentioning him in connection with 2028 helps the Democrats at upcoming midterm elections.

How can you not love this stuff.

Wheeeeee! Amp repair today!

"How do I know when I’ve hit perimenopause?" I'm not a doctor, but, I'd have to say if your face looks like that, there's almost certainly *something* not right.

"Trump says ‘I love the #inflation’ as rate rises to 4.2% amid Iran war pressure" No matter what you think you know about #Trump, you can't even begin to fathom the extent of the contempt this fucking piece of shit has for you.