Dave

@dept-of-dave

Neither funny nor fun. Honestly not sure why you’d follow me. Anybody upset about pronouns in a bio deserves to be upset (he/him).

1.242 Folgt443 Follower2.823 Posts

Bluesky

Ist das dein Profil?Übernimm es — dann gehört dir dept-of-dave.dirty.social.Profil übernehmen

Dave@dept-of-dave· 25d

Classic tweet from Lauren (@NotABigJerk):

i'm not falling for that hot take. that's clearly someone with a fetish for getting yelled at. i refuse to participate in that kind of perversion

Dave@dept-of-dave· 26d

If only I had some sort of artist’s rendition of my reaction after every single thing Noel says and does for this entire date…oh wait, I just remembered, we HAVE one….

Sean Boogerhammer, a mouse wearing a business suit.

Sean is the resident legal expert over the constitution of fantasy baseball league, so much so that he is referred to as “Jefferson Writ Small.”

In this panel, Sean looks into the medium distance and utters “Device.” Which condemns Noel to “experiencing seventeen agonizing minutes” is “The Device,” which left “his dick and balls area…profoundly harmed.”

Basically, Noel sucks so hard that I think he needs to be put in the device after every shitty thing he does to and before this nice lady who agreed to go on a date with him.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jul 16

Scene from 30 Rock, featuring the character Bucky Bright (portrayed by Guest Star Tim Conway) reviving a tour of 30 Rockefeller Plaza from NBC Paige Kenneth Parcell (portrayed by Jack McBrayer). Bright (pictured here on the right of the screen) is reacting to how much things have changed from when HE used to work behind the scenes at NBC.

In this instance, he reminisces about how he and his male coworkers could do things together in private and it wasn’t gay, but “Just two men, celebrating each other’s strength.”

Bright says this with blank, determined stare into the middle distance past Kenneth. Kenneth looks on in confusion, visibly uncomfortable with the sudden sexual undertones of the conversation and tentative about how to react.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jul 16

Can’t see any problem with a process reliant upon a deliberately sycophantic algorithm designed to tell the user what they want to hear….

Bluesky post from June 4, 2025 by @stebe.bsky.social:

I asked the Make Shit Up Engine to Make some Shit Up and it made shit up!

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jul 16

Gosh, why might Republicans have a “cool problem?”

JD Vance during the 2024 Vice Presidential debate, putting up his hand in protest, and actively whining to the moderators:

“The rules were you guys weren’t going to fact check!”

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jul 1

I suspect that they will ultimately find themselves at this point with their actual policy…

A rendition of the physical form of 1996 GOP Presidential Nominee Bob Dole, as depicted in an episode of The Simpsons.

In this Halloween episode, Dole’s form is inhabited by one of the recurring Halloween-antsgonist tentacles space aliens (Kang and/or Kodos; I’m not sure we are even supposed know which is which).

The alien is campaigning as Dole as trying to shamelessly appeal to whatever crowd is in front of him.

He ultimately decides to try a “middle ground” approach to appease everybody, and declares:

“ABORTIONS FOR SOME...
MINIATURE AMERICAN FLAGS FOR OTHERS”

(In the episode, the crowd ridiculously cheers for this strange policy.)

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jul 1

A storefront at nighttime, with a backlit illuminated Marquee for the store “IT’S FASHION!”

However, not all of the letters are illuminated (presumably because of disrepair), so the storefront instead reads, “IT’S FASHI.”

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jun 29

I’m stealing this observation from somewhere I cannot recall online, but James Cameron made a point to show the audience that this kid instinctively lied to a cop and inadvertently saved all of humanity…

John Connor’s friend Tim in Terminator 2, who tries to run interference for John at The Galleria while the T-1000 Terminator—in disguise as a police officer—looks for John at the arcade.

Tim even goes back when he thinks the “cop” is on John’s trail and tries to lie to him again to get him going in the wrong direction.

Even though this ultimately doesn’t work, it delays the T-1000 from apprehending John long enough for John to be saved. John would later go on to defeat the machine armies trying to exterminate humankind in the lore of Terminator 2.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jun 16

Gosh, I wonder who might be making Patriotism into a cheap partisan costume?

Screen grab of televised UFC fight event on the White House Lawn.

Because nothing says “true patriots” like monetizing federal buildings for corporate interests owned by partisan hacks.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jun 9

“Some abortion” being successful is literally a 30-year-old Simpsons joke.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jun 8

That’s because algorithms understand a fundamental dynamic in our society…

Screencap from The Simpsons. Two child protective services workers are inspecting the Simpson home and discover baby Maggie with a sign taped to her onesie that reads “I’m a stupid baby.”

One of the workers reads the sign as his colleague holds Maggie aloft, and strokes his chin as he declares:

“Stupid babies need the most attention.”

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jun 5

Like so much of the modern American rightwing, it’s incredibly difficult to OVERestimate how much time they spend thinking and talking about dicks, either directly or indirectly. It’s like they got their entire personalities from Don Glover’s impression of Tracy Morgan…

Screen cap from Donald Glover’s Comedy Central special, in which he recounts advice he got from Tracy Morgan about doing standup while working as a writer on 30 Rock.

The advice is provided in the caption: “TALK ABOUT PENISES, MAN.”

In the bit, Glover takes this advice and has a good reception from the crowd. But he is then asked to meet his comedy idol Chris Rock afterwards, who criticizes his set because “It LOOKED like you just said ‘dick’ for 45 minutes!”

Glover does very funny impressions of both Morgan and Rock as part of the routine.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Jun 4

Jasper Beardley, from The Simpsons, after a DIY attempt to cryogenically freeze himself using the frozen food section of the Kwik-E-Mart.

He stands behind the door of a large convenience store freezer, his normally yellow skin a pale blue. There are icicles formed on his nose, beard, and vest.

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 27

In a just world, this would have tanked everything back in 2015.

Still frame from a 1995 Pizza Hut TV advertisement, in which famous weirdo Donald Trump (a the time merely famous for being a gauche and tacky New York City dirtbag with money problems; though he HAD done a failed attempt at a presidential nomination for a minor party in the ‘92 election season) bites into a slice of pizza crust-first.

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 22

Which is wild, because Ken Paxton has VERY PUBLICLY spent a lot of time talking about child genitals.

KDFW (Fox4) headline from April 11, 2025:

“Dallas ISD, Ken Paxton reach agreement making sure boys aren't playing in girls' sports”

Of course, the entire crux of the “biological males in sports” controversy functionally boils down to conservatives like Ken Paxton being WAY too interested in the exact configuration of the genitals of children.

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 21

Wow.

Meme image of Lucy Van Pelt from the beloved Charles Schultz comic strip Peanuts.

Lucy is is a young girl with dark hair wearing a dress. Sue is seated in front of a television set with a bewildered look on her face.

She is speaking aloud. The speech bubble has been modified for the meme to read: “Christ, what an asshole.”

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 21

He’s using kind of a lot of words to say “Charlie Brown had hoes.”

Classic tweet from Aug. 31, 2020 by Cam (@matrixreloaded_):

people on here will tweet anything.
"Charlie Brown had hoes." No he
didn't. That isn't true.

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 7

Anyway, here’s the original quote I thought about when the hypotheticals were presented to show problems with AI in test conditions…

Text from Spaffer’s Purdue webpage with famous quotes.

This section reads:

This quote is about the security of computer systems. It appeared in "Computer
Recreations: Of Worms, Viruses and Core War" by A. K. Dewdney in Scientific American, March 1989, p. 110. It was later misquoted in the book @Large: The Strange Case of the World's Biggest Internet Invasion by David H.
Freedman and Charles C. Mann. (The misquoted version refers to titanium and nerve gas -- I never said anything like that.) The original quote is: "The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards
- and even then I have my doubts."

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 7

I went looking for a screenshot of the famous Spaffer quote about computer security, and stumbled upon an even MORE appropriate quote to use…

Selection from a Purdue University web page of “Quotable Spaf,” sharing memorable quotes from Computer Scientist Gene Spafford (whom is a professor at Purdue).

The portion in question reads:

Trying to capture why so much Al output annoys me and is simply wrong: "AI: Providing definitive answers based on approximations derived from unreliable data provided by incompetent and intemperate Internet users."

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 6

“Are we being pricks?” is my new headcanon for what was happening in this painting.

Norman Rockwell’s painting, “Freedom of Speech,” in which a man at a town hall meeting is standing and speaking his concerns about an issue of the meeting. He is casually dressed in a brown jacket over a blue-and-black plaid shirt. He has dark hair and I always thought he looked kind of like a young Abraham Lincoln.

The people around him remain seated, but many of them are giving him their attention as he speaks.

Dave@dept-of-dave· May 1

Thanks, “Guy with no actual posts.” Surely I will now take your word for it now that you’ve dropped an unsourced quote that does nothing to support that the things you said were made up aren’t made up.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 28

Classic Tweet from June 1, 2018 by @KrangTNelson:

no no no you misunderstood. I said "fuck YOUR feelings". MY feelings are very important and must be handled gently, like a tiny baby hummingbird

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 28

Any excuse to share this classic…

3-panel comic strip chainsawsuit, featuring a conversation between God and an unnamed human.

PANEL 1
God: my child, i never left you. those places with one set of footprints? it was then that I carried you

PANEL 2
God <pointing>: that long groove over there is when i dragged you for a while

PANEL 3
God <pointing to a different location>: one time i hid you in that little sandhole while i got a hotdog

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 27

Median American Conservative…

Scene from The Simpsons: Homer Simpson, standing on top of a pile of beer barrels, raises a glass of beer in the midst of a quintessential Springfield mob of citizens.

The original quote was about alcohol, but the text had been modified:

“TO FIREARMS!

THE CAUSE OF—AND SOLUTION TO— ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS.”

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 27

Same energy…

Abe “Grampa” Simpson, in an episode of The Simpsons in which his son, Homer, is accused of being a Communist on the evening news. Abe defends his son in an interview, saying:

“MY HOMER IS NOT A COMMUNIST.
HE MAY BE A LIAR, A PIG, AN IDIOT, A COMMUNIST, BUT HE IS *NOT* A PORN STAR!”

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 24

I would also like to know what is the significance of the symbols on the white helmet (left) and black helmet (right; also on the guy’s shoulder). They look like they might be faschy or ethnonationalist in origin.

A closeup of the Unite the Right photograph provided by Karoline Leavitt.

On the left is a figure wearing a gas mask and white helmet adorned by a symbol that appears to be a compass cross in front of two diagonally-crossed spears.

On the right is a man wearing sunglasses and all-black, with a helmet and shoulder adorned with a symbol that appears to be a black X over a white circle.

Both symbols are visually distinct from the other, and while I am not familiar with either, each symbol has a faschy aesthetic, and may indicate a hateful ideology. Further expertise is desired to make an assessment of what they are.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 20

Before Emeril was on the TV, I didn’t even KNOW about Spice Weasels!

Elzar—a four-armed and purple-skinned alien celebrity chef on Futurama (and a parody of Emeril Lagasse)—holding up a brown Spice Weasel: an alien creature that exhales flavor through its nostrils onto food while cooking when squeezed by a chef.

The implicit joke I am making is that I confused real-life celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse with the fictional Elzar.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 18

Artist’s rendition of Trump on his deathbed.

Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, thinking he is going to drown, thinks to himself “I just wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

The joke is subverting the notion that nobody thinks that at the end of their life, specifically because in Burns’ case he has never had any friends or family that he actually cares about, and his only motivation in life has been his personal wealth.

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 18

Did he even TRY the second-hand store?

Vincent Gambini, the title character from the film My Cousin Vinny, wearing a ridiculous circus ringmaster suit he bought from a second-hand store because of a series of mishaps that prevented him from wearing a more tasteful and appropriate outfit. The Judge was neither impressed nor pleased with Vinny’s attempts to appease him in this way.

Like Kash Patel, Vinny spends the film out of his depth as a lawyer, and he’s not the most respectful or competent person for his job. Unlike Patel, Vinny genuinely tries his best, demonstrates that he mostly has good intentions, and also actually gives a shit about other people (in particular his family and his smokin’ hot fiancée).

Dave@dept-of-dave· Apr 15

Getting harder and harder to write satire anymore…