There is a gigantic hill on one side of Edinburgh that is much taller than I remembered it. I walked three miles to get there, I had no water, I was wearing jeans, and I am half a century old. Fortunately I retain my youthful capacity to make stupid decisions.

I just realized that during the MLB All-Star game, I will be in the baseball-averse UK, where it will begin at 1:00 AM, smack in the middle of the World Cup.

Ridiculous. This is a girl who personally met Michael Jackson.

Someone should look into quietly buying that tarp off the contractor, once it comes down. I'm dead serious. It'd be a steal for a museum at ten times retail price.

I made this very scientific chart to explain to our genius president that, as with sticking random gold plastic shit on the walls, there does come a point of diminishing and even negative returns.

Hmm, pretty pricey on a square foot basis. Better check out the neighborhood. …I see, yes, very helpful

You know sometimes in buildings there will be doors that are like half-width, or half-height, or like five feet above floor level because the layout changed at some point? Yeah, some day I'm gonna work at a place that has that and THEN I'LL GET TO GO WHEREVER IS BEHIND THE MYSTERY DOOR

Objection. Swamp Thing is a good guy.

Sometimes in an election they'll get reports in from three tiny precincts, and it'll be 64 votes for A and 93 votes for B, and the networks instantly call the race for A in a landslide because A outperformed their targets. Anyway I'd like to congratulate Cabo Verde on winning their first World Cup.

With both of my immediate superiors out of town, there is a very limited (and false) sense in which I am my college's ranking academic officer. Attention, everybody: learn harder. Bye!

Jelly Roll's looking good for a guy who's been dead for 85 years!

Called it. Well, the other way around, but it still works.

95% of the time when you see a whole platoon of guys in hi-vis vests just kinda fuckin' around on the edge of a job site, the work is actually proceeding as quickly and efficiently as possible. That said, 7 hours into this livestream, I think these guys might be messing with us a bit.

this program is rated E for Eichner

I recently discovered an obscure song from 2014, "Shake It Off," by one Ms. Taylor Alison Swift, and have been recommending it to the younger persons in my office. Their amused reactions tell me they probably don't appreciate the various subtle compositional nuances as much as I do.

Very sorry to hear that Vic Hilts, emeritus of the UW-Madison history of science department, has passed. He was a gentle and thoughtful presence in my life there. We didn't have much in common in terms of scholarship, but he was unfailingly helpful when I asked.

I used to live in Canton, so I'm gonna say… Ogdensburg.

yes yes, fine, but did you learn more from it than you did in your entire elementary school education?

HERE is what my CAT thinks of your SUMMONS, FED

Fun fact, three Trump-faced $250 bills equal the exact amount of federal income tax he paid in both 2016 and 2017. At the time, his net worth was about $4,600,000,000. If you converted that to $250 bills, it would be a stack 1.246 miles high.

Next they'll be telling us he never held an opponent's wife's hand… in a jar of acid… at a party.