Evan J’Daté Kessler (@evanjkessler) · DIRTY

Evan J’Daté Kessler

@evanjkessler

Here to make friends and find love and I'm all out of making friends. Comedian and host of "Won't You Be My Killer?" podcast

267 Folgt557 Follower4.314 Posts

Website Bluesky

comedy podcasts

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Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Jun 12

And people say there are no jobs.

An email to me from Indeed dot com that reads, "Hi Evan, It looks like your background could be a match for this Bald Woman Needed for AI Training Study role. Please submit a quick application if you have any interest." There is also a button that reads "view job" and another that reads "This is a bad match."

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Jun 3

Every news story now is basically this:

News headline that reads, "Frontier passenger chokes off-duty flight attendant after trying to open exit door and cockpit on Chicago flight, police say."

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· May 25

Facebook reminded me that tomorrow is the 13th anniversary of the first standup show I was ever on. Also, still one of the best lineups I've ever been on. Not sure what that says about how far I have or haven't come. Anyway, book me on your comedy shows. I swear I’m funnier than I was 13 years ago.

Facebook post about a comedy show from 2013.

Comedy show event page where the lineup includes Nate Bargatze, Dave Ross, Lisa Curry, Me, and Alison Agosti.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· May 24

Happy 8-year anniversary to the most ridiculous casting notice I've ever seen, looking for a "Real Astronaut."

Link to the Casting Notice that reads "Real Astronaut Male."

Text reads: "Rate: Session fee: $500 + 15% (for 10 hour day) HERO Astronaut Buyout fee: $2,500 + 15% (to be paid if talent make the final edit) Description: Real astronaut. Please mark on picture that talent is a real astronaut."

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· May 6

Do we think these cars are related or they just wound up parked next to each other?

Two seemingly identical orange hatchbacks parked one in front of the other.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Apr 10

Here is a roll of toilet paper I just painted, in case anyone is in need of inspiration.

A roll of toilet paper. Acrylic on canvas.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Apr 6

I did another painting. Everyone fawn over my artistic talent or lack therof! JUST KIDDING IT IS OBVIOUSLY A BRILLIANT WORK OF ART THAT WILL BE APPEARING IN THE LOUVRE TOMORROW!!!

It's an abstract painting with all sort of colors on it. There's some yellow, some blue, some tan, brown, green, dark red - gray even.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Mar 8

WAS THIS TAKEN A BLOCK FROM THE WHITE HOUSE OR WHAT?!?!?!

A street sign that says, “Free Clown Show 1pm.” It is very clearly not near the White House.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Mar 3

Timeline cleanse: My painting from tonight. Calling it, “Convergence of Undersea Life.”

Splatters of red, yellow, green, and orange on a blue-ish green background that’s meant to feel like schools of deep sea life forms passing by one another.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Feb 18

Painted this bald, disembodied head in a meditative state. Unintentionally looks like my stepdad.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Jan 27

Not to brag, but I am keeping myself sane by painting. Still have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s pretty calming.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Jan 22

Uh oh, but also NICE!

A screenshot from a horoscope app that says “Someone is disastrously in love with you.”

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Dec 23

Look at this little dog I added to my painting tonight! I AM THE GREATEST ARTIST OF ALL TIME!!!

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Dec 21

My shopping list so far, or did I just come up with my drag name?

A shopping list that reads “Honey Oatmeal Bananas.”

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Dec 15

The main reason I'm thinking about collecting baseball cards again is because I found out Topps put a Richard Kind card in one of its latest sets.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Dec 10

Kinda painted most of this by accident but I really like it.

It’s an abstract painting.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 26

Time to share a random screenshot from my laptop I don't remember saving.

A screenshot from a google search that reads "People also ask: Is Zari from Duolingo straight?"

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 20

Now with marshmallow shelves!

A photo of “The Elf on The Shelf” cereal boxes.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 18

There’s a motherfuckin’ orange blimp flying over the city!

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 14

9 parts into this project where I add something to this painting every day I’m home for my 47th year on this planet. I kinda love it, so far.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 7

It’s a little funny that a car with this license plate has a parking ticket.

A Mercedes with a license plate that reads “CRIIMNL.”

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 5

Big news! The family hot sauce (my brother makes it) is on Oprah’s Favorite Things 2025! Check them out at SpringsFireplace.com

Screenshot from Oprah’s
Favorite Things article of Springs Fireplace Hot Sauce with a trio of Tesuque, Aji Peach, and Aji Mango hot sauces.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Nov 4

My annual birthday selfie. This year I made it special by leaning against a parking meter. Very natural.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Oct 27

Anyone need a…

Shelf at Spirit Halloween with containers marked “Bottle of Blood.”

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Oct 18

Let’s turn this White House into a…

Photo of a Spirit Halloween store exterior

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Oct 12

Hey hotels, since when?!

The Holy Bible AND The Book OF Mormon in a hotel room drawer.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Oct 10

Onesies 2 and 3 have dropped, but 2 is the real standout.

A onesie with a crudely drawn image of a dinosaur on it that reads “ my uncle thinks dinosaurs looked like this!” There are yellow arrows pointing at the dinosaurs.

A onesie that reads, “Been There, Done That! *Actually, probably haven’t at this point.”

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Oct 9

Decorated a onesie for my nephew.

A baby onesie with “My Uncle Made Me This Onesie To Find Out Just How Many Words He Could Fit Onto A Baby” written on it.

The back of the same onesie with “sure it’s a little bit of a vanity project if you ask me, but I’ll always be on the side of encouraging creativity!!! Okay. Good talk. Time to nap or eat. Can’t do much else” written on it.

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Oct 1

Ladies, get in line to find out if this is a good thing or a bad thing!

A screenshot from the Co-Star app that says, “anyone who falls in love with you will remember it for the rest of their life.”

Evan J’Daté Kessler@evanjkessler· Sep 27

Okay, I’m on my 3rd painting in 3 weeks and still have no idea what I’m doing but at least I’m having fun.