Once there was this kid who (@geoffreykeel) · DIRTY

Once there was this kid who

@geoffreykeel

writer. speculative fiction and horror. A Glastonbury legend and a personal hero of mine. He/Him. Geoffreykeel.com

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Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

She’s been sleeping like this for well over half an hour

My hand is resting on its side on Lenore’s white fleece blanket on the couch and she, an orange and white cat, is asleep with her chin and cheek nestled in the web between my index finger and thumb

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

Brat-green background but instead of brat it says shit

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

They should make the shower bike from The Beths’ Til My Heart Stops music video irl

Black and white still from a music video. Blacktop, sky, some trees, Liz Stokes on a bicycle with a shower head contraption coming out of the rear end so it’s showering water on her while she rides

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

The people who thought these boys were so cute it made them faint in public are still alive AND THEY VOTE

The Beatles. Paul, John, George, and Ringo in suits and ties with their moptops. 3/4 of them look like John Oliver. The other 1/4 looks like John Oliver with a baby filter

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

Now it’s a the whaler type morning

Home Is Where’s 2023 album the whaler. Pen and ink illustration on a pink background of a whale caught in telephone wires

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

It’s a relationship of command type morning

at the drive-in, relationship of command (2000)

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 14

I know it smell crazy in there

A roomful of Grant O’Briens from Game Changer “Count the Rice” episode

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 12

Why does RFK Jr always look like Frankenstein’s Monster reacting to a lit torch?

A series of photos showing RFK Jr making different “FIRE! BAD!” faces

A series of photos showing RFK Jr making different “FIRE! BAD!” faces

A series of photos showing RFK Jr making different “FIRE! BAD!” faces

A series of photos showing RFK Jr making different “FIRE! BAD!” faces

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 12

Called it

Once there was this kid who @geoffreykeel.bsky.social
Mitch McConnell stronger than ever after harvesting Lindsey Graham's lifeforce
8:28 AM • Jul 12, 2026 6 Everybody can reply v

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 12

This is still like a top 50 funny thing

A side-by-side of the goofy-ass Cristiano Ronaldo bronze statue and Cristiano Ronaldo the real guy who is objectively handsome but still sorta kinda looks like the goofy-ass Cristiano Ronaldo bronze statue

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 11

Shrimp rolls!

Red Argentine shrimp in the style of lobster rolls (lemon, mayo, celery, chives, parsley, on toasted split-top buns with lettuce and red onion)

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 10

When did you realize you were chill af

Me at 2, a small blond boy in a toddler-tight tshirt on a white carousel horse with my mom standing beside me smiling down. She’s young and skinny, wearing a strappy striped shirt. Her hair is dyed-blonde and styled in a high French-braided ponytail with a white ribbon. I look Very Perfectly Content, no more and no less

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 10

Saving this tidbit from Mitch McConnell’s Wikipedia page for posterity

McConnell has made no appearances or statements since his hospitalization after being found unconscious on June 14, 2026, and very little information has been given about his whereabouts or condition, leading some to suspect he remains unconscious or is dead.'"][12]

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 10

Sometimes I like to think about how this is the woman who wrote Beast Master

Andre Norton, author of Beastmaster, pictured cradling a black cat. She is a bespectacled grandmotherly type. She gazes lovingly at the cat. 1982

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 9

I never noticed that the magnifying glass search icon on Shudder is cracked. Nice touch

A screenshot of Shudder

SHUDDER
NEW RELEASE
FORBIDDEN FRUTS
A SHUEGGS ORIGINAL
'Mean Girls' meets 'The Craft' (Variety)
New Arrivals
SAM RAIMI'S
THE EVIL DEAD
THE CRAFT
Find Your Next Obsession
The Voices Of Our Mother
A SHUDDER ORIGINAL
ELI ROTH PRESENTS
DREAM EATER
Coming Soon
Home
Browse
Shudder TV
Downloads
+
My List

A closeup of the cracked magnifying glass search icon

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 9

I’m sure there’s something dark at work here, but this feels like a Safety Not Guaranteed type setup

An internet advertisement.
ADVERTISEMENT TO ALL WOMEN WHO DO NOT REMEMBER CHILDHOOD before they were 9y.o.
We are socking women in their 30s-40s who experience significant gaps in their early chidhood memories, particulary before age 9. Do you feel that a large part of your past is simply missing? A vold where core memories shoud be? Key moments, forgotten detals, and vanshed emotions from your early life can create a deep-seated feeling of disconnection. Gaps in your history are common and can impact your current wol-being.
Heres a memory test that can help you see why
TAKE TEST

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 8

Why are we throwing so much money at ai when there are true scientists out there in need of a grant?

where it's matt @mmmtorbs.bsky.social • 1h
I wonder if my penis is dishwasher safe let's find out

vacation bible phoenix. @phxomg.bsky.social • 1h
I think it's time science made double jumps possible irl

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 8

HorrorMail!

The most recent issue of Fangoria with Evil Dead Burn on the cover + the freshly released 4k ultra hd/Blu-ray of Obsession (2025)

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 8

The kid from the black phone talking on the titular phone. Mitch McConnell is beside him

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 7

If you’re in line to speak to Mitch McConnell, STAY IN LINE

An illustration of a crowd of people passing through the gates of hell

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 6

John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats, on stage, singing and playing guitar

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 5

What it’s like living in the south (sound on)

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 5

This blurb is killing me. “Like early, *good* Chuck Palahniuk” lol lmao

Blurb from npr on the cover of Drew Magary’s The Hike: “Like early, good Chuck Palahniuk…fun and fast and bizarre…the end hits you like a sharp jab at the bell.”

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 4

Yooooo

Two smoked hot dogs, one Chicago style, the other a variation on a Seattle (smoked dog, slice of bacon, cream cheese, pepper jelly, thin sliced jalapenos, caramelized onions). Baked beans and potato salad.

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 4

BDG’s Wikipedia page is cracking me up

From Brian David Gilbert’s Wikipedia page. Text reads “Gilbert poses after his pizzas fall on the floor, 2020s.” under an image of BDG in a small kitchen holding two empty plates that, judging by the caption and the presence of two square slices of pizza on the floor, once held pizza. He’s wearing a burnt orange sweater and vertical striped pants. His shoes seem to be drawn on, hiding his presumably bare feet, in direct defiance to all you perverts out there.

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 3

In this house, we believe it’s always soup season

Ground pork, Napa cabbage, shiitake, carrots, garlic, ginger, green onions, rice noodles, chicken broth, soy sauce, and rice vinegar, topped with cilantro, lime juice, and sriracha

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 3

Me when I’m using a functioning social media site

A blank image, the almost white block that is currently appearing when anyone posts images on bluesky dot com

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 2

They didn’t actually look like this right? The Habsburgs? Like there’s no way? Juan Carreño de Miranda definitely had it out for Carlos II, right??

A painting of Carlos II of Spain, looking all Habsburged out with the extreme underbite and the somehow both flat and bulbous nose, by the baroque painter Juan Carreño de Miranda

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 2

Yoikes

Feels like 112°

Once there was this kid who@geoffreykeel· Jul 2

“What if Tom Clancy had written Left Behind?”

What if Tom Clancy had written Left Behind?
goodreads
Personal Selection
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Dear Geoffrey,
Not a sermon or prediction: a rigorously plausible end-times scenario
ANTICHRIST
His Origin, Rise, Reign, and Fall A gritty, scholarly end-times epic woven from
scripture, science, and real-world politics
by NSA and DIA intelligence analyst
James BeauSeigneur