Helen Walmsley-Johnson
@helenw-j
Author, Invisible Woman, ex-Guardian, country-dweller. Rep:
In the course of my research I have discovered that the summer of 1642 was quite a bit like the summer of 2026. I am momentarily grateful that at least I don't have stays or voluminous clothing to deal with and that my fan is of the electrically operated revolving kind. #writer
Well. I was hoping for a slightly different Archers experience after all the writing and whatnot. Would you like to see my spectacular cucumbers? #TheArchers
What's this now? Monty's in the frame for sheep mauling? Surely not. #TheArchers
Admin. I have done it. Took me a day and a half... Also, when you sit down and THEN remember you popped a ripe tomato in your back pocket when you did your tour of the garden. That.
Tempted to chuck it down the garden to see if it will [come back]
I will not buy spring onions imported from Senegal [not pictured, those are proper spring onions not desiccated excuses for spring onions]. It is summer and peak spring onion. We should not be flying spring onions halfway around the world, Tesco. Thank you for listening. I'll get my coat.
Millie the Cocker is glad one of us knows where we are. #dogsofbluesky
This year's courgettes are decidedly odd, but delicious nonetheless. They come courtesy of a mystery plant kindly donated to my grocery garden by the utterly splendid Tattooed Daughter.
I have discovered my spider limit. This web has a wingspan of almost a metre, with a kind of funnel-shaped construction in the middle. It is, frankly, terrifying. Anyone know what it might be in there - apart from f*cking enormous? 😱🕷️
Don't come to Rutland, you'd hate it. [I am, as ever, beholden to Millie the Cocker for top quality dog therapy after a hellish week] #dogsofbluesky
She has moved in the last hour so I can confirm that the 20-year-old Sodoffskaya is asleep and not y'know... [But she is in the garden, which is great because she hates the builders next door almost as much as I do.] #catsofbluesky
Last autumn I picked up 3 acorns on a walk. When I got home, I pushed them into one of the pots. Just spotted 2 baby oak trees in there!
I'm sure I'd remember if he had been [aka The Invisible Woman]
Anyone have one of these knocking about? It's just builders next door with stupidly loud radio = desperate measures.
This is the Sodoffskaya's equivalent of The Tights Question. The luxury heated cat bed cannot be put away until June at the very earliest. #CatsofBlueSky
The Sodoffskaya relaxing last night and joyfully anticipating her 20th birthday next month. She still has all her teeth, as my ankles will testify. #CatsofBluesky
'Priorities, darling. Priorities.' As an aunt always used to say.
Half cat, half Wolverine. The Sodoffskaya says: Happy Caturday!
Sunday morning and all is peacful UNTIL the fecking neighbour [they of the massive 18 months to build extension and attendant mental torture] brings out the industrial strimmer. This is a regular occurrence and I may cry.
Can't help but notice how very *perpendicular* everything is at the moment.
My current gardening bestie is this handsome chap. Whilst his vocabulary is perhaps lacking, what he does say makes perfect sense, especially his remarks about slugs.
Any Stamford [UK] friends feeling pizza-ish? On 23 May a friend is launching a new enterprise. I've been on the tasting panel and when he says 'authentic' he means it. Epic pizza. [Also the canine model is my grand-dog, Guillermo.]
An [unsolicited] AI view of the English Civil War... dear lord.
It was almost impossible to write but when there's message like this, absolutely worth it. #coercivecontrol #DomesticAbuseAwareness