My parents think you should be sunk to the bottom of the deepest sea

Getting a lot of usage out of this one

"I may have fucked up my life flatter'n hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no human cocksucker" Happy Independence Day, from Mr. Ellsworth

I haven't seen a Dutch save like that since

Goddammit

Devastating

The word "you" really, really sets this off

I just hate the cowardliness of the poke-the-bear for engagement types online. Like, if you're going to be a prick and call for someone to break his legs, if he tries to break your legs first *and you whine about it* you are the problem In short: a sizable percentage of the online fanbase is this

"You're damn right I did, and I'll do it again"

Replying with an emoji because I do not speak Portuguese

Can't choose. I miss Phoebe too

I miss Yoda

"Time to log on to the Andrew Tate publicity machine and write about how women are liars"

Listen I don't feel good about this but I'm not wrong

I don't know why but Jason Isaacs' bit part in Armageddon immediately leaped to mind as the face of the man who has discovered the Reverse Milkshake Duck

It is Holy Week

Andy Weir, you simple bitch

When I went in to get this framed, the woman behind the counter went "my husband designed that. That was on my dining room table this week" The smallest of small worlds

Search your camera roll for hell (I knew exactly what would find)

Gonna need 6 more of these bad boys to make it work

Have had this in my phone for years and it's always useful

The more aggressive a scent someone chooses to wear in public, the more I kind of think it's like this dril tweet

No! Not Scott Galloway?! Surely he doesn't have a long track record of terrible opinions when it comes to himself and women. Not Scott Galloway!

Would feel even a little bit better about all of this if David Ellison didn't look exactly like a fucking Garth Ennis villain