Jeff Tiedrich

@jefftiedrich

ugh, who invited this guy

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Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· 27d

all of a sudden I'm getting 'spam account' on all your posts. I suppose I'll have to disable the skywatch plugin, ugh

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· 27d

cyclospora turns people into human shit geysers. Bobby Brainworms Jr killed the program that tracked it, because he was too fucking ignorant — and stupid — to understand the ramifications of what he was doing. thank you for your attention to today's extremely angry post. link is here: bit.ly/4hcewTt

awesome. Bobby Brainworms made an uninformed ad hoc decision based on zero data — because that’s how crackpots roll.

that’s the ethos of Donny’s entire administration: ‘I don’t have the intellectual capacity to understand why this is important, so let’s get rid of it.’

what could possibly go wrong, am I right?

this is the same mindset that led the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels to run wild, gutting federal agency after agency.

‘we don’t know what the fuck this is, so get rid of it.’

and so now, a year later, we’re dealing the fallout. around the world, children of dying of malnutrition due to cuts to USAID — all because DOGE couldn’t be bothered to care.

and here in the good old US of A, people are turning into human shit-geysers because some whale-head-chainsawing dumbfuck couldn’t be bothered to spend five minutes learning why tracking cyclospora might come in handy someday.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· 28d

welcome to Preznit Fiuckwit's latest childish fixation: he's going to turn the streets of Washington DC into a race course — and he's going to fuck it up, just like he fucked up the Reflecting Pool. thank you for your attention to today's angry post like few thought possible. link: bit.ly/4vyPnpM

holy shit. it was bad enough that the South Lawn of the White House was converted into a human cockfighting ring so that Preznit Fuckwit could watch grown men beat the shit out of each other.

now he’s going to turn downtown Washington DC into a fucking race course, with cars going — according to Donny — a hundred and ninety miles an hour or faster, over streets that weren’t built for that sort of thing.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· 28d

oh, come on! Lindsey Graham's sister — a political lightweight — is being gifted her brother's Senate seat. welcome to life in Preznit Fuckwit's United States of Dumbfuck Decisions — thank you for your attention to today's post, in which my head explodes. link is here: bit.ly/4vyPnpM

look, I don’t want to disparage Darline Graham Nordone. she seems like a nice person. before being named to the Senate, she was head of the South Carolina Commission for the Blind.

but she’s a political lightweight. as far as anyone can tell, she’s never held elective office at any level. has anyone thought to ask her how a bill becomes a law?

once again, Donny is being allowed to run the United States government as his own personal fiefdom, doling out cush jobs to cronies, family members and various found objects.

this is how we ended up with a piss-drunk dunk-tank clown as our Secretary of Death, and a whale-head-chainsawing maniac in charge of making sure everyone comes down with explosive diarrhea. this is how we ended up with two New York slumlords as our chief negotiators with Iran.

and this is how we ended up with an Epstein Reflecting Pool that needs to be repaired on a weekly basis.

I’m sure Ms. Nordone has the best of intentions, but you know and I know that she’s going to be expected to vote whichever way Dear Leader tells her to. everything is transactional with President Mob Boss. he’s not going to make her a Senator with expecting a little scratch in return.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· 29d

buh-bye, Lindsey Graham. you will be remembered as an unprincipled, odious toady who carried water for a fascist dumbfuck. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I rip this dingus several new ones. link is here: bit.ly/4eZDap6

and, just like that, Lindsey Graham showed Mitch McConnell how it’s done.

none of this coy, is-he-or-isn’t-he weeks-long drama. just a chest-clutch keel-over and away we go.

shed not a tear for Old Lindz. he was a shameless shitweasel with no moral center, and will be remembered as a barnacle who attached himself to whomever the fuck happened to be in power.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 12

what's even the point of acquiring great wealth and power if — like Preznit Fuckwit — you're too broken inside to enjoy any of it, even for one second? thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock Donny's latest crazypants posting spree. link is here: bit.ly/4wCKZqu

from dawn til way past dusk, Lord Shitticus was basically screaming LOOK HOW MENTALLY ILL I AM into his crappy app. imagine having virtually unlimited power and wealth, and choosing to spend your entire Saturday hunched over your phone, pissing and moaning about shit that isn’t real. what a fucking loser.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 11

some cultist yutz who got caught pulling his pud on the National Mall whined to a *puppet* that he was set up by Antifa. I cover that, the Christofascist balladeer, the Canadian cowboy, and all the other dumbfuckery in 'this week in stupid.' thank you for your attention. link is here: bit.ly/4aMRChC

he’s the MAGA moron who got arrested last week at Donny’s Big Empty Shitpile on the National Mall for ahem allegedly having his hands down his pants and strummin’ on the ol’ banjo.

who better to spill your guts to about it than a fucking puppet?

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 10

fun true fact: behind closed doors, Preznit Fuckwit's behavior with world leaders is even more batshit than what we see in public. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I bring all the receipts. link is here: bit.ly/3RcuWR8

hey, did you know that behind closed doors, Dear Leader is a total fucking embarrassment?

did you know that Donny tries to get the spouses of world leaders to sell MAGA merch?

did you know that when texting Donny, NATO heads of state deliberately try to sound as stupid as he is?

did you know that Dear Leader once angrily flung a tablet across the Oval Bordello?

gather ’round, folks. today’s tale is a doozie.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 9

why even have a NATO meeting if some deranged fluorescent tangerine piss-baby is going to be allowed derail it every time he opens his rancid anus-mouth? thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock all the insanity. link is here: bit.ly/4vk2XNq

imagine you’re the head of a NATO nation, meeting with your colleagues in Ankara, Turkey.

you’re trying to get actual work done and accomplish your goals — but how can you, when every time you turn around, some demented old stenchbucket with a piss-mop fright-wig is hogging the spotlight, and saying the dumbest fucking shit imaginable?

it’s got to be maddening.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 8

for all we know, Mitch McConnell has gone to that Great Terrarium in the Sky, yet Republicans are now insisting they're getting phone calls from the comatose turtle. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I also cover Donny shitting the bed at NATO. link is here: bit.ly/4pg5KGk

you can say this about Mitch McConnell: he sure knows how to stay dead. or incapacitated. or whatever the fuck is going on with him at the hospital where his handlers have him stashed away.

it’s been 24 days since Mitch McConnell was found at his home in DC, unconscious and in cardiac arrest, and rushed to a hospital. at no point during those 24 days have we had one sign of life from Mitch. all we’ve gotten are vague assurances from his handlers about how awesomely he’s been doing.

and now that speculation is ramping up that things may not exactly be going swimmingly for Old Mitch, this whole stupid thing has become a farce.

the GOP has apparently decided that the best way to deal with all these pesky questions about ‘what the fuck is up with McConnell’ is to play a vigorous round of Weekend At Mitch’s, with Republican Senator John Barrasso and CNN found object Scott Jennings now claiming to have had ‘20-minute-long’ conversations with the esteemed Senator Turtlehump.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 7

Belgium didn't just kick our asses, they rubbed it in by mocking Preznit Fuckwit's "jerking off two invisible giraffes" dance as well. awesome job, Donny, you've turned the whole world against us. thank you for your attention to today's post. link is here: bit.ly/4p9tdJ8

awesome job, Donny. by being a big whiny asshole, you gave Belgium the extra incentive they needed to kick our asses. next time, maybe keep your fool mouth shut.

and now the whole goddamned world is mocking us on social media right now, giddy with glee over the whupping Belgium delivered.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 6

is Glitch McConnell pining for the fjords? is he only mostly dead? all we know for sure is that there's a cover-up going on, and it stinks to high heaven. thank you for your attention to today's post in which I explore the possibilities. link is here: bit.ly/4p60IvD

exactly how much do Republicans totally fucking suck?

here’s how much: they’re playing fast and loose with the health status of a sitting Senator, just to game the system for political advantage.

three weeks ago, Mitch McConnell was rushed to the hospital. We the People were never officially told why — and, since then, we haven’t been told shit about his prognosis.

is he getting better? is he getting worse? has he already shuffled off to that Great Terrarium in the Sky?

this whole story has stunk out loud since the beginning.

not since Preznit Fuckwit’s Miracle Ear-Nicking™ have we been keep this much in the dark about a major politico’s medical situation.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 5

this week, Preznit Fuckwit was photographed bearing a comically ginormous butt. what the fuck? also: Bobby Brainworms does 1/3 of a pull-up, and MAGA shits a red-hot brick upon being asked to conserve. it's all in my "this week in stupid," thank you for your attention. link is here: bit.ly/4p6IVog

excuse me, but what the fuck is going on with President Junk In The Trunk’s ass?

is he cosplaying as the front half of a centaur? is he wearing *all* the diapers? is he smuggling a microwave oven back there?

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 4

happy birthday, America. today we rest. tomorrow the fight to bring freedom, equality and justice to EVERYONE continues. do not let some tinpot fascist wanna-be spoil your day — the Fourth of July belongs to We the People. thank you for your attention to today's post. link is here: bit.ly/3T1717P

250 years ago, a bunch of privileged rich white men who didn’t want to pay taxes founded the United States of America on a great set of ideals — freedom, equality and justice — and then went about implementing those ideals in the most fucked up way possible.

250 years later, we’re still fighting what often seems like a losing battle to guarantee everyone a share of freedom, equality and justice.

it’s exhausting, yet the struggle goes on.

never lose hope.

today, let’s rest. tomorrow, the fight continues.

above all, do not let some tinpot fascist wanna-be spoil your day. the Fourth of July belongs to We the People.

here’s to you on this July 4th, America, you great big beautiful fucked up country.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 3

Donny's Deserted Shitpile of Nothingness on the National Mall isn't just a failure. it's a safety hazard (the stage fell apart during a live rehearsal) and an environmental disaster area as well. thank you for your attention to my post in which I bring the receipts. link is here: bit.ly/4aB1meL

so, performers are now expected to risk their lives standing under some piece of crap stage that could come crashing down on their heads at any moment.

and then there’s that stupid miniature arch that’s literally coming unglued under the hot sun.

all this stuff is falling apart because once again, Donny cheaped out. this has been Dear Leader’s modus since forever: promise the moon, rake in the bucks, and then pocket most of the moolah while delivering some duct-taped-together shithole mess that collapses into pieces almost immediately.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 2

Donny had an interaction with an AI-generated hologram, and then went out and told everyone that he'd spoken to Teddy Roosevelt. huh? what? his brain is has gone fuckity-bye, folks. thank you for your attention to today's post in which I make my case. link is here: bit.ly/4geDYaF

Six-Fingered Teddy: “every day a president faces storms that people never see. but if you keep your nerve and remember the nation comes first, you get through. I know you know that feeling yourself.”

Donny: “well, I appreciate those words. words are fantastic, and— and I just want to say it’s an honor to be with you today. uh, we are making a little bit of a tour and some of the fantastic things you’ve done.”

what we just saw is a janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot spitting out generic niceties that someone programmed into it, and Donny responding as if he were having an actual conversation with a real person. Six-Fingered Teddy’s words were ‘fantastic,’ and Donny ‘appreciated them.’

perfectly normal stuff, am I right?

now, the charitable explanation is that of course Dear Leader knew what was going on, and was merely play-acting in return. that’s the story that MAGA is sticking to.

come on, really? we’ve all seen the Apprentice. Donny’s not that good an actor. even twenty years ago, he was an incoherent stumblefuck with exactly one memorable catchphrase, who needed to be heavily edited to make sense.

the uncharitable explanation is that Grandpa Befuddlepants was once again out wandering where the buses don’t run, can no longer tell fact from six-fingered fiction, and thought he was somehow talking to the real TR.

after all, that’s what he told those Rough-Riding cosplayers, that he’d been having a conversation with Teddy Roosevelt.

but here’s the thing: how totally through the looking glass are we that we even have to have this conversation?

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jul 1

after the SCOTUS birthright citizenship ruling, MAGA completely lost its shit. Nosferatu McGoebbels went on TV and shrieked in the same frequency that bats use to echolocate. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock the all MAGAverse's tanrtums. link is here: bit.ly/4atEL3L

got that? comparatively speaking, the number of foreigners coming into this country with the specific purpose of dropping a new citizen is a rounding error away from zero.

in other words, ‘birth tourism’ is only a problem if you’re a racist fuckhead.

oh, and speaking of ‘racist fuckhead,’ did you know if you say that three times, Stephen Miller appears on your TV?

don’t believe me? watch this: racist fuckhead racist fuckhead racist fuckhead.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 30

Preznit Fuckwit dreams of some vulgar golden Nazi eagle, because nothing says "happy birthday, America" so much as turning the White House into a sort of tacky thrift shop crammed with Third Reich memorabilia. thank you for your attention to today's very angry post. link is here: bit.ly/4gOfsgH

why does everything this administration does turn out to be something the Nazis did first?

nobody asked for this. nobody said, ‘gee, Donny there isn’t enough golden shit trashing up the White House yet. is there any way you can wedge some vulgar Nazi-themed eagle into the mix, maybe above the front door?’

it’s bad enough that all of Donny’s policies remind that he’s trying to build his own fucked-up Turd Reich, does he really have to steal all their symbolism as well?

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 29

Donny made a Big Sad in his diaper this morning because no one came to his shit-show on the Mall. boo fucking hoo, pal — I ain't celebrating a country that drops bombs on Iranian schoolgirls. thank you for your attention to my post in which I make my case. link is here: bit.ly/444P5eZ

well, excuse us if we’re not in a celebratory mood, you hateful fuck.

you’ve taken our beloved country and turned it into something unrecognizable.

look at what you’ve inflicted on We the People.

masked and armed federal thugs are patrolling our cities, shooting at anyone who looks at them funny. what kind of un-American bullshit is that?

the East Wing was razed so that some piece of shit Epstein Dance Hall can be put up in its place. the Rose Garden is gone. the Oval Bordello has been violated. the Reflecting Pool is a toxic waste site.

ICE goons are kidnapping migrants off the streets and disappearing them in slave-labor gulags. the social safety net has been set on fire so that billionaires can get another round of tax cuts. a corrupt Supreme Court has torn up the Constitution, and is just making shit up as they go along. we’re all struggling to pay for basic goods and services. Christofascists think they own the place. some piss-drunk Secretary of Death is dropping bombs on innocent Iranian schoolgirls and Venezuelan fisherman.

excuse me if I don’t feel like waving the flag for any of that shit.

hey, bro. you want America to hold a huge party in your honor? resign, effective immediately. people will be dancing in the streets, I promise you.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 28

just about everything that could go wrong with Donny's Freedom 250 fest went wrong, but at least the MAGA dude who took out his baloney pony and started stroking it had a good time — until he got arrested. thank you for your attention to my post in which I mock it all. link is here: bit.ly/3SCg5Qs

empty booths, deserted mallways, melted ice cream, a broken ferris wheel, canceled performances, corruption and grifting, and some dude fisting his trouser trout. this whole Freedom 250 thing has turned into a typical Donny clusterfuck.

July 4th is less than a week away. Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants has six days to get his shit together for the main event. do you think he will?

of course he won’t. this is Dear Leader we’re talking about. everything he touches, dies — because he’s an incompetent imbecile who acts first and thinks never. and Donny couldn’t commit a patriotism if his life depended on it.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 27

Preznit Fuckit's dumb-ass portrait on the new passport has him looking like he's about to get pegged. JD Vance fails at acting human, and Megyn Kelly fails at not being a racist shitweasel. all that in and more in my 'this week in stupid,' thank you for your attention. link here: bit.ly/4xSAqBc

I have a question: why is the fucking idiot so proud of this pose? he’s standing there like he’s about to endure a rectal exam. is this really the image he wants to project?

‘welcome, but be good?’ who is the fucking idiot talking to? does he not understand who a passport is for? does he imagine that passports are issued to foreigners when they arrive on our shores?

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 26

Vice President Couchfuck McGee is out here trying to convince us that Watergate was no big deal — and that, by extension, we should ignore Dear Leader's flagrant criming, too. thank you for you attention to my post in which I tell the furniture molester to fuck off. link is here: bit.ly/4uX1uwk

Nixon stepped down the very next day. he got on that helicopter and fuckity-byed it all the way back to his hidey-hole in San Clemente, California.

can you imagine any of that shit happening now? of course not. Donny’s been impeached twice already — and both times, it was the Republican leadership that let him off the hook by failing to vote to convict.

Donny is the kind of twenty-four-seven perpetual motion felony factory that Nixon could only dream about being. every day, he comes up with five new ways of shitting all over the Constitution and using the powers of his office to enrich himself.

can you imagine the current GOP leadership telling Dear Leader to cut it out, or else? can you imagine Fishin’ Trip Sammy Alito or Money Grubbin’ Clarence Thomas telling Donny to obey the law? can you imagine a single worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled press calling for Donny to resign?

no, you can’t — because they’ve all normalized that shit. it’s just Donny being Donny. nothing to see here, move along.

it’s maddening.

and JD Vance can piss straight up a rope, for trying to convince us that corruption is normal, and no big deal — and that it’s useless to get all hot under the collar about it.

sorry, JD — we’re not falling for any of that bullshit. go fuck a couch.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 25

yesterday, Donny threw what one Republican described as "a fucking tantrum" because they won't bring his fascist legislation to a vote. boo fucking hoo. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock both Donny *and* the GOP, because they all fucking suck. link is here: bit.ly/4w84zuD

and that, my friends, is the main reason Donny’s all knicker-twisted at the Senate GOP. they refuse to pass his ‘Save America Act’ — which, you’ll be shocked to learn, does nothing at all to ‘save America.’ it’s really a more of a ‘save Donny’s rancid ass act,’ because what it actually does is allow Dear Leader to fuck with the upcoming midterm elections and tip the scales in his favor.

Senate Republican won’t even put the Save America bill up for a vote, because they know that Democrats will filibuster the thing straight into the Phantom Zone. which brings us to the second thing Donny’s mad at the GOP for: they refuse to shitcan the filibuster.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 24

whether it's the Reflecting Pool, or the Rose Garden, or trade policy, or immigration, or Obama's Iran deal, it's Donny who's the real vandal, gleefully stomping everything in sight. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I survey all the damage. link is here: bit.ly/4uRVLry

Preznit Fuckwit is that kid you knew when you were growing up, who always broke all of his toys within the first half hour of Christmas morning — and then he came over to your house and smashed all of yours.

Donny breaks shit. it’s what he does. he breaks shit because he’s incompetent, he breaks shit because he’s dumb as fuck, and he breaks shit because he’s a broken-inside son of a bitch who gets off on destroying what other people love.

that’s why it’s been so satisfying to see the press to latch onto the Reflecting Pool story and refuse to let go. it’s simple, it’s easy to understand, it’s right there where everyone can see it — and the Pool’s desecration is a microcosm of how Donny’s been clownfucking everything in sight.

the world isn’t broke, but Donny’s fixing the shit out of it. just look at the trail of destruction that our nation’s Vandal-in-Chief has left in his wake.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 23

not to brag or anything but that was the lede of my post from yesterday www.jefftiedrich.com/p/grand-thef...

the thing about Donny’s Reflecting Pool debacle is that everyone can see with their own eyes just how badly he’s fucked up.

this isn’t like some don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war half a world away, or some loony policy decision whose ruinous effects won’t come to light for months or years.

no, this one’s a huge clownfucked mess, and it’s right there in front of everyone’s faces.

and so Donny’s decided to solve this self-inflicted disaster in the most Donny way possible: by declaring that if you touch his beloved Pool, you’re going to jail for a millionty skillion years.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 23

maybe we should arrest the guy who vandalized the Rose Garden and the South Lawn, and bulldozed the East Wing so he could build his vulgar Epstein Dance Hall, because he's a one-man wrecking crew. thank you for your attention to today's post in which I make my case. link is here: bit.ly/4ezTn2D

oh, and by the way — make no mistake about this, we know exactly who the vandal is who’s been single-handedly destroying Washington DC. it’s Donny himself.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 23

that must be why I buy their stuff

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 22

don't you dare touch the peeling paint on Donny's clowntastically fucked-up reflecting pool or he will have you carted off to the hoosegow. thank you for your attention to my latest post in which I mock this shit mercilessly. link is here: bit.ly/4f0DYsH

what an excellent use of law enforcement time and resources, nailing people for the heinous crime of Grand Theft Paint Chips — all because the colicky piss-baby in the Oval Bordello can’t ever take responsibility for his own fuck-ups.

it’s all so fucking stupid and childish. nonetheless, America’s tipsiest US Attorney was all over Fox News yesterday, vowing to prosecute any miscreant or ne’er-do-well who even looks at the Reflecting Pool funny.

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 21

in today's post are more eulogies for my late wife Claudia Long — but I also end it with the front page of an Italian newspaper whose headline reads 'Trump Is An Asshole.' where is the lie? thank you for your attention to this matter. link is here: bit.ly/4elFtCx

let me leave you with this. it’s the front page of the June 20, 2026 edition of the Italian newspaper Libero. the headline reads ‘Trump is an asshole.’

Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich· Jun 20

Jesse Waters says fudge is gay, Preznit Fuckwit says Antifa keeps algae in its pockets, and bite-sized Nazi Greg Bovino says Vlad the Impaler is his role model. I cover all this dumbfuckery and more in 'this week in stupid' — thank you for your attention to this matter. link is here: bit.ly/4vTcYSC