so close and yet so far away 😢

it's elliott gould in the long goodbye but thanks for playing (and you all learned something about me today)

if the hardcore band is dressed like this, you are going to die in The Pit

i'm going going back back to tidal tidal

tmw i'm standing there while my wife tells someone "he's actually really good at guitar!"

rejoined facebook solely to message my nephews who now have "kids messenger" (which is a scary concept in its own right) i figured hey, why not join a few groups. jumped into a guitar group, saw this post, and immediately left. facebook is a wasteland of humanity.

wow, these people all stole my post and went back in time to post it before me

gotta post a pic, here's mine:

"goose value"? "dead duck in reflecting pool"? snap out of it dude, you passed out, we're going to eat some stale bread

this is literally the coolest guy i've ever seen

the first and only exception to the rule of "conservatives can't make good art"

accidentally bought a movie ticket for the wrong theater and mow gotta drive an hour instead of it just being on the way home from work

close enough. welcome back LMFAO.

#NowPlaying Western Addiction - Psychedelic Munitions and it is GOOD. just classic, straight-up punk rock executed well. Highly recommended.

UK bluesky, I need your help: the first time i tried to solve a cryptic crossword, i got this clue and i've never been more confused in my life. 2 years later, i've solved many cryptic crosswords but it still befuddles me completely. someone plz explain how "HAHA" solves "trench dug, ya boo sucks"

i was just assassinated in the group chat

mfw the yellow vs clear piss wars begin

and how's that working out for you?

"you luddites! this tech is going to change the world!" the tech:

Very pumped to have a new McSweeney up! Remember: If you experience an Easter Bunny sighting this weekend, please text me asap. I think I know how to trap it. @mcsweeneys.net

project managers when you didn't correctly estimate 2 weeks worth of work exactly to the hour

oh great, now i want in even MORE

the truth about egg

guys literally only want two things and it's fucking disgusting

apparently men are now walking into salons and saying "please make me look like sex icon Groucho Marx"

a lot of the news in the past week has been insurmountably distressing, so let me add to it: a footlong tuna at subway now costs $20 apparently

my first instinct upon seeing billy idol on the workday homepage doing an ai ad was to get mad. that faded to slight disappointment. but whatever. get your money, billy. it's eating us all alive.

waking up to another Have I Been Pwned email

society if google never killed off google reader