Sometimes when people compliment me about being funny, I want to say "Thanks, I had to develop a sense of humor to survive growing up in the Midwestern suburbs at a time and place deeply neurodivergent- and LGBTQ-unfriendly, so I'm cracking li'l jokes on socials rather than drinking myself to death"

That Bruce Springsteen song "Everybody's Got a Hungry Heart" came on the stereo at the grocery store just now and I kept thinking it would make a good theme song for a charming '80s rom-com about cannibals

Asperger's syndrome was only added to the DSM in the mid-'90s, you leathery fuck

I have never wanted to desecrate a fictional character's grave so badly

So unfortunately I won't be going to NecronomiCon this year: the reasons why are all cat-related. (In fact, I got the call back in May that Monty needed an ASAP ultrasound *while* I was filling out my panelist application, which was subsequently never finished.)

One of my very niche but strongly-held opinions is that we need more public and semi-public spaces where consenting adults can cruise each other and fuck on the premises--and NOT exclusively for cis gay men. (This doesn't have to mean bathhouses though)

🙃🙃🙃

Since we haven't been as swamped at work today, I'm using my free time to look over and potentially revise a story to submit. Perhaps Declan the Exile's louche ass will finally see the light of day 🤞

This is absolutely Delia and Dexter respectively

Profoundly cursed collection of words

Uh, several

Love to randomly wake up late at night/early in the morning and be unable to get back to sleep because my mind has chosen to rehash interpersonal grievances from decades ago

Always repost the Butt Bouquet

TEENAGE KITTEN CHAOS: Just as I was preparing to dish out the cats' food tonight, I caught Miss Delia on top of a kitchen cabinet she hadn't previously explored (to my knowledge) while SIMULTANEOUSLY Dexter pissed on the couch cushion I sit on most often. THANKS, KIDS

Faces of Death spinoff called Feces of Death that's just a two-hour montage of corpses sharting. To "Yakkity Sax"

IMPORTANT KITTY UPDATE: For the first time ever, I've now seen Delia very patiently hold still while Monty washes her face (TWICE in 24 hours)! Dexter has already been happily pausing for Monty face washes for some weeks now. And Monty is still weirded out if the kids try to wash HIS face

"Pissy shitties" is a popular traditional American movie theatre confection consisting of popcorn with a carbonated soft drink such as Pepsi poured into the same bucket. Whisper "milk milk lemonade" at the concession stand and it will be served in a miniature toilet with authentic flushing action.

Watching William Friedkin's Rampage (mainly for the fictional version of Richard Chase) and I'm baffled that they're positing the only potential verdicts in a bizarrely violent serial murder case as full-on death penalty or not-guilty-due-to-insanity (which is interpreted as getting off scott free)

IDK, at least someone could hypothetically give consent to have a book printed on their flayed skin

I just realized it looks like the Temu Dot Com version of the final VR form of the guy from Lawnmower Man

Could someone please explain Jimothy to me? Best I can tell, it's just a photo of a racoon with weird legs that's been turned into a cryptid meme?

Some woman walked out of Bones and All during the scene where Mark Rylance chows down on a corpse in his tighty whities. I overheard her say "This is NOT what I was expecting!"

Absofuckinglutely. The brand-new house my family moved into back in 1998 (when I, an elder millennial, was still a kid) had all of its interior walls painted taupe by default and I still loathe that soulless hue

Court cases involve a fuckton of DOCUMENTS and PAPERWORK. An attorney arguing before a judge and/or jury is actually a relatively minor part of the process

All the new headlines about that shitty pool lining remind me of this banger: youtube.com/watch?v=8O8G...

My book sold exactly one physical copy and one ebook copy over the past three months. BRB, finding a way to cryogenically freeze myself until some hypothetical future era where my career as a writer won't have vanished into the ether

I'm old enough to remember when the right wing disdained the initial idea of Title IX because women's and girls' sports (except of course cheerleading) were for dykes and tomboys. They ONLY started giving a shit about girls' sports when it could be used as a cudgel against trans women. And now:

My little boy is growing up: at exactly one year old, Dexter just puked in front of me for the first time 🙃 (Although just like Monty--whom he clearly loves and admires--he made sure to puke on the dry, more-easily-cleaned surface of the floor rather than the bed)

This quote and the Platner accusation it refers to keep reminding me of the time a FWB I had several years ago drank way too much whiskey while I was napping in the next room at his place and then wanted to fuck. Yeah, I'd wanted to bang BEFORE I CAME OVER, but not while you're sloppy-ass drunk

Elder statescat Monty has designated himself the boss of the new cat tree 🧐