I’ve never had pumpkin pie but I imagine it’s pretty “eh.” — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

"This planet also seems to have an unusually high rate of emergency beacon breakdowns too. How curious..." — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

If I could have any cosmetic surgery I'd elongate my arms and legs.
Why? I dunno... I just like the idea of standing still by a treeline at dusk and strike a creepy silhouette for passers by.
WHY, WHAT WOULD YOUR COSMETIC SURGERY BE, AND WHY IS THAT SO GREAT?! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Naturally you can wear a trench coat as normal clothing, but legally ya need a gumshoe license for that. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

“She boarded when we passed through that nebula, you know, the one with all those disembodied screams.” — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

The maintenance crew just need to adjust those POLEarities! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

The Maidropolitan Police Department. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

I sometimes catch myself losing time staring at those drone panning screensaver things on apple TV. That has the same effect as touching grass, I'm sure. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Once I broke my ankle stepping out of my very normal human bed. 
That's only a joke in the sense that my bone density is laughable. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

A symbiote can put the fedora on the detective, but not the detective into the fedora. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Once you go Nordic, you can’t do norm-dick! (That jokes require you to know about UFO lore, but if you take the time read up on it I promise you that it won’t be worth it) — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Callback! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Order your Bipi-pet™ today, and make those judgemental glares you get at the park feel earned. You freak! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

At least it's not microplastics. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Who says I never reuse side characters!? I almost always never do! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

This isn’t a merch announcement. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

"I bet you'd like me to cuddle you to sleep, how feeble!" — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

They also get Christmas and Ramadan off. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

If you think this looks bad, you don't wanna see the aftermath of Mosquitoid copulation! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

I haven’t seen Edge of Tomorrow, but this is my best guess on what it’s about. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Building your own DIY hypno device is easy. All you need is an old watch, a piece of string, and the bravery to disregard science. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

They’d have to wear nothing to the court or admit breach of contract. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

I think Bex is new to the concept of human sugar addiction. Also: SPRING SALE! — Last day! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

When unsalted they smoke cigarettes, drink, slam doors and scream that nobody understands them. Also: SPRING SALE! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

I would've made the hallway to the bathroom into labyrinth. Also: SPRING SALE! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

As a man you'll have to pry my shark tooth necklace from my cold dead hands! Also; SPRING SALE! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

"what, HUGS are problematic now?! Damn libs!" Also; SPRING SALE! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

That's all the 2024 lewdtober's colored, finally!
ALSO SPRING SALE! — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

Any card trick sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from witchcraft. — | Patreon | Website | Email List |

"At least you didn't high-five her, then we'd be in real trouble!" — | Patreon | Website | Email List |