Gareth Clarke

@lockonandfire

Welshman born in Cornwall. A player of games. Frequently opinionated. Bullish retweeter. He/him.

386 Folgt524 Follower1.074 Posts

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Ist das dein Profil?Übernimm es — dann gehört dir lockonandfire.dirty.social.Profil übernehmen

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Jul 12

This fucker got a lot of lists apparently. (Should I call some random person a fucker? Aside from the edge lord vague titles, one of the lists they added me to is called "Wrong about VR AI Crypto Smart glasses GLP1 NFTs or Bitcoin" so given where their proclivities lie yeah I'm fine with it).

@schizanon.bsky.social has added you to the "Antis" moderation list

@schizanon.bsky.social has added you to the "unoffensive list name" moderation list

Two additions this time!

@schizanon.bsky.social has added you to the "Wrong about VR AI Crypto Smart glasses GLP1 NFTs or Bitcoin" moderation list

@schizanon.bsky.social has added you to the "This List is Not Your Business" moderation list

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Jun 26

I don't usually do this kind of post (a face like mine discourages it), but you know when you're sorting through old clothes, find a shirt you used to like but haven't worn in a while, and end up taking a selfie break because you are, at heart, a massive poser? Anyway, hope you're having a good day.

Black and white selfie of me (a late 30s white guy with mussed up dark hair and a scruffy dark beard) wearing a lumberjack shirt open to my chest and staring off into the middle distance like a massive poser berk.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Jun 13

THIS WAS A BRAND NEW CGM SENSOR. I put it on, it calibrated for an hour as per usual, then gave me error messages for 40 minutes and died. This isn't about my safety as a user Freestyle, it's your quality control being shit; it is far far FAR from the first time I've experienced this. Infuriating.

An error message in the Freestyle LibreLink app. It reads;

"Replace sensor. Your sensor runs continuous quality checks, and it has shut itself down for your safety. Please apply and start a new sensor to continue monitoring your glucose."

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Jun 3

I'm paying a yearly sub on Patreon, which I'd still like to do but at a lower tier. Patreon doesn't let you change that, you have to let the sub expire and re-up at the lower point. Bit janky, but whatever. More egregious is this gen AI bullshit I got from their customer service when I queried it.

Part of the email I received from Patreon customer service when I queried downgrading subscription tiers. It reads;

"I totally get wanting to lower your yearly membership since you’re not using all the benefits at your current tier. I’d be concerned too if the site won’t let you downgrade directly, so you came to the right place and I’m here to help figure this out with you. Let’s jump right in!"

This is undeniably gen AI pablum, and I'm more offended by its existence than the slightly janky way Patreon expects you to change subscription tiers.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· May 25

Bloody hell 😂 (Not mine, I spotted it on the Destiny 2 subreddit posted by u/FrostyMcjingles)

The scene from Destiny 2 Forsaken where Uldren Sov cancels Cayde-6. In the image, Uldren is wearing a name badge that reads "Bungie" - he's pointing his gun at Cayde and his dialogue subtitle reads "any last words?" Cayde is wearing a name badge that reads "Destiny 2" and looking up defiantly at Uldren. Cayde's dialogue subtitle reads "how's Marathon?"

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· May 22

Seems about right to me. Would appreciate more background options, if possible!

Fake Star Trek TNG title card, with a made up episode titled "Worf's Honour"

Fake Star Trek TNG title card, with a made up episode titled "Worf's lack of honour"

Fake Star Trek TNG title card, with a made up episode titled "The perpetual imbalance of Worf's Honour"

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· May 20

It may be extremely gauche to share one of your own Reddit posts, but damn it I am proud of this pun.

A screenshot of a Reddit post. The post is in a thread called "Death Cab for Cutie's Greatest hits album - track 4", one of a series of threads polling the sub to create a theoretical greatest hits album for the band Death Cab for Cutie. My comment is "I think "Your Bruise" is underrated". This refers to the song "Your Bruise" from their debut album Something About Airplanes. It expresses my opinion of the song while humourously invoking the song itself - the first line of the chorus is "I think your bruise was understated". I am altogether too pleased with myself for this wordplay.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Apr 6

Lucky pot noodle.

A picture of a pot noodle which had two sauce packets inside it.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Mar 26

The Red Road near Menton 1884, but with Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII shopped into it.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Mar 23

Today's fit was, apparently, extremely "substitute history teacher".

Selfie of me (late 30s white guy with dark hair, scraggly beard and moustache, large forehead, slightly pink cheeks) wearing black rimmed glasses, a dark gray cardigan over a light grey polo shirt, and a slightly perturbed expression.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Mar 17

Image of Leon from RE9 run through the DLSS5 filter - text next to the image reads "DLSS5 ON THE STREET"

Image of Nemesis from RE3 Remake - text next to the image reads "PORTRAIT IN THE ATTIC"

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Mar 12

This is bullshit, Scrandle.

An image of Scrandle. The two forms of scran being compared are actually two different photos taken about a year apart of the same foodstuff (an ice cream sandwich made of a wedge of Neapolitan ice cream with the white vanilla, pink strawberry, and brown chocolate flavours, wrapped in a piece of white bread), being sold at the same stadium for the same team (Bali United) at the same price (50p). This is, as previously noted, bullshit.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Mar 12

That angry goose comic meme. The first panel is a goose looking suspicious with narrowed eyes - I've added the text "which bills can't you afford?" The second panel is the goose angrily chasing after someone who's running away - I've added the text "which bills, Tim?!"

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 26

Maybe the most accurate song name.

A notification from YouTube Music. It reads "new release for you - Guided By Voices, We Outlast Them All".

This is amusing to me because of how long Guided By Voices as a going concern has existed.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 23

MY LADS

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 23

Been watching the new Mock the Week episodes on TLC (well I like it) and I saw a name in the credits I've not seen in a while. Just a reminder that if you like British comedy from the late 70s onward, there's a very good chance that Mykola Pawluk is one of the reasons why. Respect editors.

Screenshot from Wikipedia. It reads;

Pawluk's editing credits include Terry and June (1979), The Black Adder (1983), The Kenny Everett Television Show (1983–1988), French and Saunders (for which he received his first BAFTA nomination in 1989), Chelmsford 123 (1990), Harry Enfield's Television Programme (1990–1992), Drop the Dead Donkey (for which he received his second BAFTA nomination in 1991), Harry Enfield and Chums (1994–1998), Men Behaving Badly (1994–1998), Is It Legal? (1995–1998), Father Ted (1996–1998),[7] The Vicar of Dibley (1996–2007), Dinnerladies, Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998–1999, 2013–2015), Gimme Gimme Gimme (1999–2001), Perfect World (2000–2001), Coupling (2000–2004), My Hero (2002–2006), Little Britain (2003–2006), The Catherine Tate Show (2004–2007), Mock the Week (2005–2017, 2026), Ask Rhod Gilbert (2010) and A League of Their Own (2012).

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 21

The dangers of Mounjaro. I sliced my finger open trying to put a new hole in my belt. 🤦

My right hand. The middle finger and ring finger are bandaged together with blue self-adhesive bandage (which I just want to call "vet wrap"). Behind my hand on the floor is a bag of dressings purchased from Tesco. It's fine, the cut was a little deeper than expected but my sister (a nurse) felt it was OK because it's a clean cut (weirdly, sharp blades can be less dangerous than blunt ones), so she put steri-strips on it and dressed it. Anyway, I am an arse of the highest order.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 17

These days, Google Photos is such a fucking minefield. I didn't necessarily want to be reminded that it's been four years since my mum's funeral, but here we are. At least it's a photo (of a photo) with good memories.

An image from Google Photos, with the text "4 years since" beneath a photo I took the day of my mum's funeral. It's a photo of a photo of me (a toddler in a red jacket and green trousers) and my mum (a woman in her 30s rocking a well early 90s perm), where she's got me sat on a concrete donkey that used to be at Bristol Zoo (both zoo and donkey also no longer with us). I'm shrieking in delight, and she's smiling widely at the camera. The photo is sat on top of the white shirt and yellow tie I wore to the funeral (yellow was my mum's favourite colour).

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 14

I saw someone mention Bloodborne on here and then I got to thinking about Bloodborne and... listen, realistically trophies and achievements aren't worth the code they're made of, but I am still quite proud of myself for beating Lady Maria in The Old Hunters DLC. Hell of a boss fight.

Screenshot from the PlayStation app, showing that I got the bronze trophy for beating Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower in Bloodborne, back in 2020 (how appropriate I was playing a game about tainted blood in 2020).

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Feb 1

Watching a Northernlion stream, discovered Cutle. Gave it a go, clearly I'm the greatest cut man who ever did it.

The statistics screen in Cutle - a daily web game where the goal is to cut an irregular shape perfectly in half with one cut. The statistics screen shows I've played the game once and perfectly split the shape 50/50. I am a cutting god.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Jan 12

A damn fine mail call.

A photo of a blu ray copy of the film Calvary starring Brendon Gleeson, and a PS4 copy of the Yakuza Remastered Collection.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Jan 8

Bad day to be this chap.

A publicity photo of British TV host/personality Jonathan Ross, a white man in his, I dunno, 50s? with dark brown hair. He's smiling, sat at a desk wearing a black suit, white shirt, with a blue rococco patterned tie. For reasons quite beyond his control, the name "Jonathan Ross" is going to be lighting up on Google right now.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Dec 31

About a year's difference. I think I look a bit thinner in the face, and the hoodie isn't as tight around my neck. We'll call it progress.

Two selfies of me (a mid 30s white guy with dark brown hair and beard, and quite a big forehead it turns out). I'm wearing the same black hoodie in both pictures, pulling a slightly silly face, again in both. The one on the left is from December 2024, where I think I look fuller in the face. The one on the right is from like 5 minutes ago. Both have the same Snapseed filter on them, because I didn't like the visual quality of the 2025 selfie and felt the filter hid this sufficiently (then I put it on the older picture too, because uniformity for comparison's sake).

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Dec 31

A picture of the moon, very small in an otherwise completely clear but rapidly darkening navy evening sky.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Dec 28

LyricFind also misattribute the song, but in case it needs to be said, neither The Game nor Snoop Dogg were co-writers of Oh Yeah by The Subways. 7/?

Lyrics for Oh Yeah by The Subways on the LyricFind website.

Lyrics for Oh Yeah by The Subways on the LyricFind website. I've scrolled down to the bottom, where it attributes writers as Shannon Lawrence (not quite sure who that is), Jayceon Terrell Taylor (The Game), Calvin Cordazor Broadus (Snoop Dogg), and Nathaniel Pierre Jones (apparently a DJ, who goes by DJ Pierre). None of these people have anything to do with Oh Yeah by The Subways.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Dec 28

As I say though, I know this song. I know it was written by The Subways, at that time consisting of Billy Lunn, Charlotte Cooper, and Josh Morgan. I don't know if all three were credited as lyricists for their first album, but I know that Jimmy Sabater wasn't involved. 4/?

Google search for "the subways oh yeah lyrics" and the widget at the top of the Google search showing the lyrics.

Google search for "the subways oh yeah lyrics" and the widget at the top of the Google search showing the lyrics. I've scrolled a bit further down, where it identifies Jimmy Sabater as the songwriter. He isn't the songwriter for Oh Yeah by The Subways.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Dec 13

One year difference since being on first Orlistat and then Mounjaro. I think I look slimmer now? Or rather I think I look plumper then. We'll call it progress either way.

A selfie of me from a year ago that Google Photos reminded me exists. I'm a white bloke in my mid 30s with short dark brown receding hair and a dark brown beard, wearing a purple v neck under a grey hoodie with a red lining. I'm quite full in the face, slight pink to the cheeks, and I'm sort of squinting at the camera (intentionally pulling a face).

A selfie of me taken just now. I'm still a white bloke in my 30s with short dark brown receding hair and a dark brown beard (with a few visible greys), this time wearing a maroon grandad shirt. I'm less full in the face, but slightly pinker in the cheeks because I've been out sawing wood (not a euphemism). I'm smiling at the camera, which highlights that I've got a droop in one of my eyes. But I'm smiling dammit.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Nov 30

Sim-pleee Haaav-ing A dreadful winter cold On the extremely minor plus side, this fleece fits me better now than it ever has before. The joys of being diabetic and on Mounjaro

A selfie of me. I'm a white bloke in his late 30s with grey blue eyes and a scruffy, dirty-brown beard, wearing black rimmed glasses and a black fleece with hood - I'm wearing the hood up, which shows the interior is a fluffy white fleece lining. My cheeks are quite pink, and my mouth is partly agape because I can't breathe through my fucking nose right now. My expression is unknowable, but vaguely exhausted, because I fucking am.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Nov 20

Now they'll face some consequences for their actions, right?

A screengrab from Star Wars Episode 2, it's a close up image of Padme (played by Natalie Portman). She's got her hair in Princess Leia style buns to the sides of her head, but wrapped in netting. She's also wearing a very hippy headband, in green with pink flowers on it. In the foreground at the very left edge of the shot you can see the brown hair of the back of Anakin's head (played by Hayden Christensen's head). Padme is smiling widely at Anakin. It's an image that is commonly used in a reaction meme format.

Gareth Clarke@lockonandfire· Oct 25

Same energy, so this felt appropriate.